Does "Let's just be friends" exist between aspies?

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octobertiger
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24 Oct 2013, 1:48 pm

So...it exists.

Well done Boo, you've proved it.

Threadlock :D



MjrMajorMajor
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24 Oct 2013, 1:57 pm

Geekonychus wrote:
Not sex, not a medal, not even a compliment or a thank you. Look at this cartoon illustration of my point:
Image


The misspellers get the girls? :scratch: :lol:



Who_Am_I
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25 Oct 2013, 3:52 am

Mindslave wrote:
Geekonychus wrote:
DavidCook wrote:
I know I've had this problem plenty of times with NT girls. I try to treat them right, but they don't consider me as a boyfriend simply because I've been too nice to them. Isn't care supposed to be an important part of relationships? And shouldn't people start out as friends before becoming lovers? Is there such thing as a "friend zone" for people with AS? In other words, do people with AS put others in the "friend zone"?


No girl will ever break up with a guy simply because he's "too nice." That's just silly. What was the actual reason? Is it possible they simply aren't romanticaly attracted to you instead?

Sounds to me you might have a case of Chronic Nice Guy Syndrome:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.p ... 20syndrome

It's not incurable but untill you get over it you will be hopeless with girls, kiddo. :wink:


I think he means he's too passive. For some reason, "nice" on WP is code for "serial killer in denial" or something. At this rate, instead of being nice to women, we should all aspire to be impulsive and demanding. And she better like it if she knows what's good for her. Anything but being nice! Aspie feelings are evil!


It could also have meant inappropriately nice for the amount of time they'd known each other.
Treating someone like your best friend when you've known them for a week will creep them out.


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woodster
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29 Oct 2013, 11:54 am

Sorry, slight necro, but I think the main problem for trying to get something going after becoming friends is that for most girls they want something from the beginning, they want you to be so interested in them that its obvious instantly when u meet. Let it slip and getting something going afterwards is extremely difficult.

I sincerely believe that if you'd been instantly interested in that same girl that friend zoned you, like from the beginning when u first met, things could have turned out differently. And I know u don't know them or whatever, that u have to get to know them before you know if u like them, just it does seem to work the way I said. Its so important for things to start right, otherwise you're talking years of getting to know them before you can change things.



MadeUnderground
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30 Oct 2013, 10:17 pm

octobertiger wrote:

How many men here have ever said to a woman "let's just be friends"?

Nope?

Thought not. So, really you haven't got that perspective of being in that position. Try it.



I have several times. We wound up being friends for a while but it never usually lasts. She finds someone else and since she was never looking for friendship from me in the first place as soon as she gets that fill of some guy in her life she stops being my friend.

woodster wrote:

I sincerely believe that if you'd been instantly interested in that same girl that friend zoned you, like from the beginning when u first met, things could have turned out differently. And I know u don't know them or whatever, that u have to get to know them before you know if u like them, just it does seem to work the way I said. Its so important for things to start right, otherwise you're talking years of getting to know them before you can change things.



This.

That is how I go about getting relationships. As soon as I meet a girl I will demonstrate a subtle interest. To the point where she could go back to her friends and be like, "I think he likes me but I'm not sure?"
It really depends on the girl and the situation as every case is different. Sometimes I'll flirt right away as soon as we meet, sometimes I'll give it a day or two.

I'll start flirting, if she doesn't flirt back, I won't keep flirting, if she does, I'll keep it up until I've hung out with her and gotten to know her for a period of time. After I feel comfortable enough I'll ask her out.

This way has never failed me. What has not worked for me in the past was meeting a girl, being friends with her without flirting or revealing in any way that I might like her... Then all the sudden some time later I'll be like, "I LYK U" and then she'd be like, "Uh, you're a great guy BUT we're just friends."

If you meet her as a potential romantic interest, and don't take forever to flirt and eventually ask her out, - you'll more than likely avoid the friend zone. That's how I have all these years.



yellowtamarin
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30 Oct 2013, 10:28 pm

I have a number of friends who I guess I have "friend-zoned". None of them because they are nice, though. :roll:

Them being nice is part of the reason I wanted to maintain a friendship rather than going our separate ways, it's NOT the reason I wasn't interested in them romantically. Ever.



alex
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30 Oct 2013, 10:47 pm

attraction is a complicated feeling and is not static, especially with women. If someone tells you "let's just be friends" it doesn't mean they weren't (or aren't) attracted to you, or won't be in the future.


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yellowtamarin
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30 Oct 2013, 10:58 pm

alex wrote:
attraction is a complicated feeling and is not static, especially with women. If someone tells you "let's just be friends" it doesn't mean they weren't (or aren't) attracted to you, or won't be in the future.

Exactly. This has to be true, as I have said it to partners. I valued their friendship but was no longer attracted to them. I've also discovered down the track that I was attracted to someone who had been a friend for quite a while.



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31 Oct 2013, 1:23 pm

Yes, it does exist. I think before getting in a romantic relationship, one should befriend the other, and get to know each other for quite some time, learning things about each other, and things like that. So, if you know the person the best, you could consider if you could get on a romantic relationship sometime. Also, by being already friends, you'd be already emotionally close, and stuff like that.
I haven't had a romantic relationship yet, but that's what I would want myself. :)



Geekonychus
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31 Oct 2013, 1:31 pm

MjrMajorMajor wrote:
Geekonychus wrote:
Not sex, not a medal, not even a compliment or a thank you. Look at this cartoon illustration of my point:
Image


The misspellers get the girls? :scratch: :lol:

More than the nitpickers......... :wink: