How to avoid the creep-zone on Facebook

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shoot, you could have given this info to me back in 8th grade.

I tried talking to girls on Facebook one time, they would either de-friend me, or block me completely. No wonder i'm shy to approach women now.

Way too much emphasis is placed on Facebook these days. I mean, girls have told me they think its ok to creep others Facebook and said "Why not? the information is there for me to find." Yet, a guy that does this is often considered a creeper. We often forget that people may use certain methods to protect themselves from dangerous people.

My biggest issue is the 'like' button. Nothing brings out the creep factor more than observing where the 'like' button is clicked. Nothing gets people overthinking things more than this one little feature. Add to it, the comments you might see from people back and forth will add to the idea that something might be going on. For example:

A girl you like is always clicking the 'like' button on another friends profile updates and photos. She seems to never click on yours. You notice the interaction between the two friends might be flirty as well, even though the two aren't dating. The fact that you notice this would be best kept to yourself, or you risk getting deleted and possibly blocked. Why? Because she thinks you're creepy and have been stalking her Facebook activity. If you two were romantically involved, add the fact that she believes you don't trust her either.
Who is the over thinker in this scenario? Bottom line, Facebook has actually done more to ruin relationships than help establish and maintain.

In some of my cases, I can also assure you that once you have decided to remove someone off your friends list, they will not appreciate receiving any private messages from you in the future. The way they see it is that you gave up the right to being friends with them.

I had to unfriend a man on facebook because he was creeping me out. I have never met him, but we are both members of an off-line group which has also has a facebook group. He sent me a friend request, and I accepted it after checking who he was and seeing that we had about a dozen friends in common. Other people have done that and it's never been a problem.

This particular guy kept contacting me in chat, and at first it was ok, but it got to the stage that every time I went onto facebook he sent me a message right away. If I didn't respond at once, he sent more messages asking why I wasn't talking to him. After a bit I told him that I liked to just check in to facebook while I was working on my laptop but didn't always want to post or reply. He kept on messaging me all the time, so I told him that he was actually freaking me out a bit with all the messages. Then he sent me messages saying things like, "Am I freaking you out now?" or just messages with emoticons. Then he gave me his mobile number. I ignored that, then he asked for my address. Then I unfriended him.

I phoned a mutual friend about him and she said I was the 8th woman to speak to her about that same guy, and that some people had said that they felt he was "predatory". Even after I unfriended him he continued to send me messages for a while, which I ignored.

There was an event earlier this year which I would have gone to, but I noticed on Facebook that he was going, so I didn't go because I didn't want to see him.

Don't use Facebook, Twitter, or any social media websites where people may likely make you uncomfortable.

Maybe the perfect remedy would have been to meet him. Did any of your friends meet him and become more tolerant of him?

Most people are normal but for a while on the internet now things have become very game play like. It turns people that are just looking for a conversation into creepers. Its done something to people like you too, its turned you into someone that thinks even the slightest bit of contact is creepy.

Well one thing that would have given him more caution and would have made you treat him like a proper human being would to have met him irl and put a face and personality to the person for both of you. You'd have probably found him to be some sadalone guy looking for contact with anyone. You know, trying to connect with someone, as humans do.

When I first started using the internet back in about 1997 things were sooooooo different. People were so much more innocent. Send a message to ANYONE and you get this 2 hour conversation. I used to use internet relay chat and people were all so much nicer back then. There was very much an atmosphere of it being something new and everyone was so impressed with being able to talk to people worldwide from the comfort of their own living room.

Then I did a job from late 1998 to 2003 and came back and myspace was new and big and people were even nice then. I had so many conversations and talks with people when myspace was new.

Then something changed, people lost their innocence and I wouldn't even bother messaging someone the way I used to anymore. I know how people are now, plain rude, they give short replies and almost any effort required on their part is too much. If I sent this message to you on Facebook you'd block me instantly wouldnt you? People have become so sad and cold these last few years. They want everything when it suits them, they like to be able to get what the want and walk away when they feel like it and its kinda like everyone took rude pills.

You can't treat people like that, you can't spam people and its rude to block people and act like they're all potential creeps but nobody cares because rudeness is a right and they can do what they want with no comebanks ever.

And why is it possible to be so rude? Because we've never met the people we talk to and we don't connect them with being real people. I found that when I did briefly use Facebook that there is clear difference between people you've met irl and not. People u know irl actually have manners and online people u have to play the game of balancing how much u say to them or u bring out their nasty rude internet monster.

To be honest, you wanna know where all this started? Girls. And the subject is sex. Its such a sad world for someone like me that is a tiny bit away from being asexual. I don't even see people in sexual terms but my motivation as a guy is inevitably put down to me seeking sex/ relationships. So so sad. Things used to be so awesome.

Why should she -- or any of her friends -- go? They doesn't owe that guy anything. He wants to connect? He needs to suck it up and learn how to approach people in an appropriate way, the same as everyone else.

No-one is entitled to connections, and when someone does as spectacularly horrible a job as that guy apparently did and clearly shows he doesn't respect her boundaries, blocking him and contacting others about that issue is the exactly right thing to do.

JM, I think the list you've got up top is a good basic guideline for facebook behaviour.

I completely agree with your post. Things were very different! I think in ye olde days people expected the good out of each other - and that's what they got. People would talk without thinking of dark ulterior motives, or they were being scammed.

I stopped being online after 2003, for many years. When I came back there was a massive difference. I couldn't get over it.

I tried internet dating in the early days, and it was truly great (of course it didn't always go according to plan ) . People really wanted to connect - not look for reasons not to connect. You had genuine people who were lonely, and wanted relationships, getting together. It wasn't about games and dating strategies for either sex. None of this "He's just not that into you if..." rubbish. People weren't trying to second guess every little thing. Oh, and everyone was inexperienced at it, so it was like mutual confusion. No players. That was great.

The social side was brilliant. I was talking to people in Russia, Serbia, Finland, Kenya...all the places I grew up wondering about. I could ask people what their lives were really like.

It's a different story nowadays. Now the 'masses' and the downright perverse have come onboard, there are different reasons behind that, and people are having more bad experiences, people have put their guard up. It's a very cynical place to be - and I think that completely reflects the society it takes place in. Whereas, in the early days, it thankfully transcended it.

Since when did connecting, in any way, become so wrong? Maybe what you say about sex and innocence is correct.

Progress, eh.

What changed about the Internet? It's that it became available to everyone. So all the problems in the real world invaded cyberspace.
I remember when Yahoo! Chat opened and it was in beta. Those were very different times. At 9 years old it was safe for me to use it, and everyone was very excited and naive by the whole concept of socializing on the net. It was an unparalleled experience. It's not the same any more.

Why does it matter to you anyways? Nothing wrong with being socially awkward. But most of the world has a problem with us because we don't fit nicely into society's agenda. I don't care what society wants. No one was there to help me. No one cares. Society does not care. Just reject anyone who is different. Why should we have to change who we are.


They get all creeped out for no reason. Bunch of wimps. They don't even know what scary is.

I wasn't taking anything personally.

This thread isn't helping anyone.

This board is full sociopathic jerks who treat everyone like crap.

I agree 100% with this^^^^

The key difference between me and you is that I choose to approach this basic truth with ambivalance and humor.

I used to do what you do and approach it with resentment and anger and it made me miserable and not the kind of person people want to be around. The truth of the matter is that the way you view society is not unique there are plenty of people who think like you do and will be compatible with your outlook. It may only be less than 1% of the planet but that's still a f**kton of people. As soon as I stopped being such a miserable little emo about my disability and my lot in life the right people started entering my orbit and my social life multiplied exponentially.

That being said, that 1% (who might otherwise like you) don't like being called sociopathic jerks whenever they offer advice, criticism or dare to make a joke. You're choosing to alienate yourself. YOU. It's not the fault or responsibility of society or anyone else. It's Yours........

I agree with you but it just is so easy to get into that behavior. If feels good in the moment.

I honestly am not always this way. I just am having a really hard time right now because of a break up. I am completely down. I tend to snap at everyone and am constantly on edge.

What I have is all symptoms of depression and anxiety. It is easy for someone to say stay positive and it is much much harder to actually do it. I mean both of these are mental illness. I mean I have done countless things, like therapy and meds and noe of it seems to really help.

Plus I got people trying to tell me to lighten up, calm down. It is extremely stressful. I get bogged down, confused and then my brain seems to like just explode. I cannot process anything. The best thing for me to do is to sit quietly and focus on something more positive or something I enjoy.

I like humor a lot but when I am in a depressed i find it hard to enjoy the things I like to do. Laughing feels so good it is just sometimes I get too sensitive to comments that other people make.

I mean everyone knows that aspies have executive function, theory of mind, attention regulation problems. And some have it worse than others And when some odd routine cannot be met you get meltdowns and I tend to blow up with frustration althogh sometimes I can control it quite well. Other times it is very very hard.

Tell me what I should do? Seriously do you have some solution as to how you deal with AS something they know very little on how to help directly. It is always deal with the depression or anxiety or other mental issues. What about the symptoms of AS itself? I mean every doctor I go to says I know about AS and then we barely even discuss the AS issues. I am tired of the run around from doctors who act like they know what they are doing when they obviously do not.

I mean how can you not just throw up your hands and fight everything and be unhappy. I cannot seem to do anything right.

I am not choosing anything. I do not feel like I have any choice.

Your response is so typical of someone who does not get it. I mean you say you feel like I do yet you are showing very little in similarity.

I have had plenty of decent friends in my life. Do you think I walk around like this every second of everyday. I have bad moments in time. I have been able to have decent things in life.

The fact is the only thing you know about my life is what I say. You are making quite a few assumptions about me when we are pretty much strangers. Your basing all your info on a few instances yesterday like I fit conveniently into a category of type of person. The fact is I am an individual and unique. You cannot conveniently label people something and put them on a shelf.

Sometimes I make the mistake of running my mouth and say stuff that means nothing really. I am just saying them because I am not thinking clearly. What I say when upset does not always match what I actually believe in. I just get irrational I guess.

I am not a bad person really and I just want to get along with peopel. But that guy yesterday was not correct and he would not admit he hurt me. In my mind he did. So he should tell me he his sorry. I went out on a limb to say how sorry I was and then he cointinues with jokes. Barely anybody lifted a finger to help me out. I was on my own as usual against somoene is frankly messed up> I do not know any of you personally and it seems people are trying to rile people up on here and make them upset. Just not really right the way this board is run. It is basically a free for all. I mean no moderators seem to do much of anything on here to help solve some of the issue with the way people behave on here. I was wrong for swearing and mouthing off but I felt very threatened by how this person was talking to me.

Look I was just a little too angry before and I am really not like this all the time. I mean you can see now that I can talk in a decent way. I was just venting before. I am trying to work out ways to vent in a more productive way. I apologize for obviously arrogant and mean behavior and I have been kind of short with people and I am very sorry about that.

Facebook is a terrible way to meet chicks.

Most girls don't want to be messaged by guys they don't know. Most people don't use Facebook to meet other people, they use it to keep track of people they already know. That's why i'm not popular on Facebook because I don't know anyone really well.


Don't use Facebook to meet women, trust me iv'e tried. It either ends in them turning off chat, deleting me from friends list, or blocking me completely.

There's a lot of text here and I tried my best not to make a text pyramid but both of your comments have a lot of validity

The thing is, Geek has been there. I have been there. Maybe at times we might act (or at least appear to be) smug about overcoming some of the very things you struggle with. It's not that he doesn't get you, it's not that he doesn't have the same struggle at times, it's that at this moment in time he isn't in the same predicament as you which understandably is going to cause you to think he can't relate thus he doesn't get it or his comments are not as relevant as you feel they should be.

Yes, acting on the moment feels good, but it only serves to heighten all those other negative feelings you currently feel by adding to your regrets, and your resentment and anger towards others as they react to your impulsive behavior. It's a vicious cycle, and breaking it is what is essential. As for your question of what should you do, Geek has answered it here and in other threads. The other question is "how", and that is not something everyone will have the perfect answer for as everyone is different. Everyone can only offer advice based on their experience or observations and understandings. Take the jerk-off thing I did when I made this thread. I acted on my impulses and while some of what I said was right, I was basically being a douchebag.

It felt good in the moment, but did it serve much purpose? No, you saw some of the "responses" I got figuring out when to act or not act, and how to act is important. The results are what makes it worthwhile. Go a whole conversation where you haven't said anything weird, offensive or intimidating to people? You'll feel better for it, and then it gets easier, and more rewarding and so it all comes together. To relate it back to this topic, you will exonerate all that creepiness, oddness or awkwardness that people so frivolously associate Aspies with. People will realize you're not such a bad guy after all. Amazingly all by doing nothing or doing less after you've thought it over.

I am with you. I actually use facebook as an avenue to talk about things and put music up there and make it reflect my personality. Everyone else uses it for small talk and updates saying they had this for lunch or they went and worked out. Tell me why do people need to know you just worked on your abs. Do I care? no. But it seems like everyone does care about meaningless conversation on there. They are the ones that get all the likes. Come on facebook gives us a dislike button man I would use the crap out of that one.

I mean I love it when someone "likes" a post about someone getting into a car accident or a break-up. I mean talk about mixed signals. lol. What is there to like. Maybe you should of sent a message saying something instead of just liking it. Just plain weird to me.

I actually talk about important things in my life. Which is the real purpose for using facebook. Not some weird social tool to talk about every move you make. I don't want to know you had pB and J for lunch. Who cares. Making all these comments make it seem like you want someone to stalk you. Like you want people to know what you are doing every five seconds. I know I am exaggerating but still...

People in my life already know I am not a bad person. Because i am not a bad person. I am very genuine in many ways.

what does exonerate the creepiness, oddness or awkwardness that people so frivolously associate Aspies with? Not sure what you mean by this.

I mean there is no fairness when people reject you because you are creepy or odd. It is plain prejudice. They are making a judgment about you that they have no right to do. It is discrimination. How is it any different than rejecting someone because of the color of their skin. Its bigotry. These situations create feelings of alienation and desperation. You should know how abuse can influence a person as they grow up. That is my story.

You want me to become some completely calm person when I feel like people are putting me in a cage or cornering me. How am I supposed to behave when I constantly get ignored and rejected. I can live in a fantasy world and pretend everything is great but that is not reality. People want to hide in humor and sarcasm. How is that any better than blowing up on people. Same deal. You are trapped. I act completely like myself and still get rejected for something and not because I blew up on them. I only blow up when they do something rude or insensitive. If you leave me alone I leave you alone. It is part of the culture I am into. If someone messes with you, you strike back in some way. Maybe it is ego who knows. I just have to stand up against anyone who would try to talk to me in any way that offends me.

The world needs to be more aware of AS and act accordingly. I want people to accept my quirks and my weirdness. How is it fair in any way for anyone to reject based on this.