The "Hi, how are you?" opening messages on okc.

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It's not reality. Reality is subjective. You can and should choose a more productive and less self-sabatoging point of view.

You go into a date expecting to be judged and weighed on some kind of scale. That attitude and expectation alters your behavior and how you would behave. Instead of presenting a genuine approximation of yourself you instead try to present an image of yourself that is more in line with what you think they are looking for. When you do that, you aren't being you. You're being a phony based on the percieved whims of someone else.

It becomes next to impossible for you to find someone who's truly compatible. The relationships that do start through misleading means quickly fade or flare out while the ones that could have truly taken off never even start (because the other person never met the real you.)

Do you get what I'm saying?

Wow- you completely got me wrong there.

But I don't go to a date with that expectation - you are assuming stuff about me and you are basically accusing me of being fake on a date, based on what you're accusing me of that? Of course, I am presenting as myself on a date and not as Genghis Khan!

I am just describing the online dating process as a whole and how it has a lot of parallel aspects with online job seeking; but I didn't say I behave fakely on a date.

Don't sweat it. Your words were interpreted in the same black and white fashion my thread in the Haven was some time ago. No one goes to a date and shows their worst behavior on purpose, so being called fake for trying to show someone your best qualities on a one-time date makes no sense to me. Quirks in the person are something someone finds over time and it is at that point people who date decide to keep dating/being in a relationship or not.

In fact, my dates often told me "you're calmer than you are online" and I was always described as a calm/shy person by my colleagues/coworkers; so I was certainly not being fake.

Believe it or not, I behave on a date almost the same way I behave on a regular outing with new buddies; I don't try to impress the girl by doing something different or behaving too different. My gigolo-like coworker often told me this is the biggest mistake I do always because the guy is supposed to impress and "woo" the girl on a first date but I simply can't nor want to do that.

And why would you assume they haven't bothered to read your profile (unless you've specified there that you hate "hi' messages)?