Do they deserve you?

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so you are saying the rejectors deserve to be rewarded?

I don't think he means that at all. The illustration merely highlights a fantasy in a hilarious way. What this fantasy doesn't take into account is not all rejection is based on "worth" which many here seem to think is the reason. Sometimes there is nothing wrong with us at all and we simply aren't the girl's type.

Not just a dish baby, a seven course meal.

I went on a talk show about revenge once. I think I told you. I'm big on revenge and the talk show thing isn't anywhere near the only time or even the best time I've gotten it. It's really kind of great. As long as nobody gets hurt. Too bad, anyway. Maybe a little, depending.

well done you!! I'm so pleased you managed to turn your life around and fingers crossed that it keeps getting better and sweeter. Hang in there and be patient..mostly with yourself

As far as the OP post goes..
I have been in a situation when a guy dumped me because I wouldn't have sex with him (we were 16) and because he had his eye on a girl that was a lot better looking than me. Couple of months later he came to his senses, realised how brilliant I was and begged me to take him back although by this time it was too late and I was already going out with someone else. Much cooler than him, dare I say. He was really gutted but realised he had been a dick so hopefully was nicer to the next girl, but I can't tell you for sure. I can tell you that the guy I was dating instead also dumped me because he was "so young and needed to saw his wild oats". Well. Now. *looks at nails pointedly* There was much heartbreak on both sides on that one, for many years to come.

Love is seldom an exercise in balancing the scales

the main question is if we want to deal with another human being who offers a strictly conditional appreciation [IOW "change into something i find attractive] of us or not. I for one am not willing to give a person another chance in that regard, if they didn't like me before they are fooling themselves into liking me now only when I merely made superficial changes to my body or behavior or circumstances. IOW can one accept being appreciated only for externals? I cannot.

That's what's so great about it. I've already let it go. Just because I don't dwell on it doesn't mean I forgive them or don't think they deserve a little something back. I've moved on. So have they. It's just that if we meet again at an intersection and they try to run the red light I'm gonna T-bone them, and do it good too. I don't seek them out for it usually, unless it's something immediate and harsh, if the opportunity presents itself, then so be it. I take the opportunity. Like when the dude stole $1600 from me and said he was sorry and he would pay it back and never did, then ended up going to prison on something unrelated a couple years later and was sent where my BIL was doing life. BIL possibly could get parole, but it never seemed likely, plus he was used to prison. What I did was I asked my BIL if he knew the guy and he did, and I told him about the money. I said "I'll never get it back, so I just give that debt to you and you collect it while he's in here from him however you want to and keep it for yourself." My BIL collected that money. Right literally out of his ass. Pimped him out to other guys cause the guy was already doing that on his own to get his own stuff, but my BIL took it over and wouldn't let him get anything out of it till the debt was paid back however much he thought was enough. The best part is, he reminded him every day why he couldn't get to keep none of his income from slinging ass. Because of money he stole from me. So yeah. Sometimes life hands you opportunities. I couldn't have set up something that beautiful if I tried. I've had my opportunites with former bullies and also to turn down and pretty much humiliate guys who did me like that before. If it happens it happens. I'm not wasting my life thinking about it. It'll come around. Eventually.

Thank you. Yes, I can see your point here. If someone didn't like me at this particular moment in time, I believe they will never begin to appreciate who I really am no matter how my life pans out. I would probably be more hurt that they would change their affection for me than if it had stayed the same. Yes, my confidence would get a temporary boost but not much else.

I wouldn't equate someone to not caring about you int he way you'd like or rejecting you by default to someone who expects you to change or fit their needs. They might respect you as a person, they just might not be into you and it might not be over anything superficial either.

yes, I am to the core a hard-to-digest meal. but I am not alone in that respect, at least. that is the single biggest thing WP did for me, in letting me know I was far from alone in this respect.

*Hugs auntblabby*

Not in the slightest - no.

By even playing that game, it's bigging up the rejector to actually be worth all the effort. And they are not. Playing the game and keeping the cycle is actually giving them power. Letting go and forgiving actually isn't for others benefit - it's for one's own benefit.

you are a better person than me to be able to forgive. it is all I can do thus far, to not revenge. but I cannot extend affection to people who have wronged me.

Yes, life sometimes hands you opportunities - and you had a choice. It could be said that you chose out of weakness, and responded out of all accord. And now you are actually the one who owes a debt of sorts (unless the victim forgives you)...I hope that whoever collects, in whatever form, practices forgiveness. Life is a funny thing. [quote]

Last edited by octobertiger on 18 Nov 2013, 7:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Punish and reward aren't relevent concepts when one person romantically rejects another. The person who did the rejection was doing nothing more than exercising sovereignty over their own body and their time. There are many introverted people on WP. (I am also introverted.) What has an introvert done but "rejected" the advances of the countless extroverts who want to engage them in non-stop conversation and activitites.

If it's logical that a person who romantically rejects another person should be punished (or rewarded), then it is equally logical that introverts should also be punished (or rewarded) for not engaging all the extroverts in non-stop conversation and activities. Same moral weight.

"Punishing" a person who rejects somebody when they are one way but likes them when they are another is like an extrovert punishing an introvert who rejects an invitation to the loud, crowded party but accepts the invitation to the quiet party with few people. Is it somehow morally wrong for people to have preferences?

Maybe you don't understand the way I see forgiving. And it's not out of being a holier than thou person at all, no. It's nothing to do with being a better person at all - I doubt I am.

If you can forgive the people who have wronged you the most, in your own mind, the freedom and peace of mind is worth a million times more than any revenge. If you don't believe me, I say - try it, with all your heart, and see for yourself. Or not. I really am not preaching.

Forgiveness is the only lesson worth learning - it is the point of every other lesson, in my opinion. It continues until we realise that there was nothing to forgive in the first place, as nothing ever was personal, no matter how much it ever seemed to be.

Last edited by octobertiger on 18 Nov 2013, 7:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I did not explicitly endorse either punishment or reward, I merely said I would ignore the people who were not nice to me, in that I gave them a chance, I did what I could.