Giving up

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You sound like your problem could just be that the guys you're attracted to are too attractive and while they're having sex with u they're wondering what other pretty girls they could be out having sex with. The curse of attractive people, unlucky them.


Actually I think your main problem is what we all face. We have such rare personalities that matches are rare, meeting someone compatible is this totally rare out of your control event. U can look and never find it, you can sit back and wait and never find it.

So u end up looking at traits such as physical attractiveness because the thing other people go on really, personality, just doesn't work for u. I mean, we love to make out nts are shallow, but they get turned off by people like us pretty quickly regardless of looks, so personality really is more important than we give them credit for. And it's not that we have bad personalities but the wrong personalities.

I do believe someone that's compatible is out there for you.

Maybe understanding yourself better will help.

I know for me someone ideal would be someone that's just as much of a true independant loner as me. I mean, I will always need my space (ooh yuck, that got turned into MySpace with spelling correction). I think someone that would fit me would probably be someone whos busy being alone while I'm being alone.

The problem we as aspies have is that our matches don't put themselves into a position where they can meet us. We sit at home and complain about those bad matches we've been dealt that we met in the common places and they do the same.

Its the old problem of how do two anti social people meet?

They fecking try that on me, I'd be telling them to piss off.

OP: you really don't want to go down 'The Rules' road. You'll annoy a lot of people and attract predators. I'm being serious about this.

No, I really think that would be guaranteeing yourself hurt. You deserve better. Take a warm bath, eat some chocolate, do what you need to do to temporarily feel a little better, then regroup another day. This feeling will pass.

I would make a pass at her (it's almost a running joke between us), but I don't think that's what she needs.

What happened with you and foxy?

Please keep in mind that nobody owe you anything for the sex; if you voluntarily sleep with someone, you're not being used.

Find what's positive about yourself and emphasize that, then find your negative traits and try to improve them.

In order for that to happen you have to be happy with your life. If you're depressed and miserable it would most likely not happen.

This was the problem I had with my boss. He's very pretty, so he's always got tonnes of girls around him. Luckily we're very much just friends now, and I actually feel bad for him as he's always got a 'grass is greener' attitude, and so is never completely happy.

The guy I liked was for personality not for looks. And I think I DO have a bad personality, because it seems to make people dislike me.

I didn't mean used in that sense, I meant that it seems to be the one aspect of me that people actually find useful.

[quote=The_Face_of_Boo"]What happened with you and foxy?[/quote] Who?

Ha! Thanks I think.

I probably do. Thing is, if I am in a relationship I tend to relax back quite a bit. Sadly nobody ever gets to see.

Surely if he liked me he'd have said, so the fact that he didn't shows he doesn't? We've gone back to exactly as we were before anyway, so at least I haven't lost a friend.

I probably shouldn't say this, but I will.

First off, leafplant, what you said is pure sexism. I know it's become the norm to think sexism is only ever directed at women by men, but sexism does go both ways. To suggest all men only want women for their bodies is 1. not even remotely true, 2. just as bad as a man saying all women only want men for their wallets and 3. comments like that will probably make Alycat feel worse about herself. Men, believe it or not, actually do have genuine feelings of love. To say that around 50% of the earth's population are all basically walking penises with no substance is utter rubbish, so please take your sexist rantings elsewhere. It sickens me.

Secondly, this is to you, Alycat. I feel like an utter berk saying this publicly, and would much rather we kept our baggage between us and not a load of strangers, but you've left me no choice. I NEVER, repeat, NEVER said anything of the sort about not loving you and only wanting you for your body. What I did say was that I had made a huge mistake in leaving you, that I still loved you, and many more personal things that I won't go in to here. But you chose to ignore them. That's the problem, you keep focussing on the negative and never on the positive. A lot of members of this forum would do well to take this advice, actually. And the advice is this: stop thinking this way. I've been there, and it very nearly led to my death. If I just wanted you for sex, why the hell would I want to be friends still? Why would I want to meet up, just as friends? Why would I have spent a good time at work the other day texting you, risking my job, to see if everything's ok with you and how your life is going?

Alycat, your problem is that you take every rejection, or break up, or whatever, as confirmation of how you feel about yourself. You believe yourself to only be good for sex. You believe you're ugly. You believe you're a bad person. I seem to remember telling you thousands of times that none of those statements are true, but you never believed me. So when we split up for many reasons, most of which were about my personality and not being able to give you the time and attention you deserved, you just took it as confirmation that how you feel about yourself is true. You seriously need to change how you think, for your own sake. Please. You are a wonderful person. I've seen the very best sides of you, and they are amazing. So please stop thinking you're a bad person, because you're a bloody saint compared to a lot of people

How dare you speak to me in that one of voice. I am old enough to be your mother and have life experience you will thankfully never have.

Now, go back and edit your post to take out the personal stuff about you and her which should NOT be in public.

Dealing with stuff like this is part of life, and not getting it right is a learning process. Hopefully you will both get there but not if you carry on taking yourselves and everyone else so seriously.

And I will do well to remember that people on this board are more literal than not. My bad.

He's on about you.



No problem.

Now if you'll excuse me...

TAXI!

So he can't even have one voice now?

And, assuming that was a typo, what kind of voice is that?! This is a forum board where people mainly post using texts.

And I'll speak to you like that if I want to and if I think it's relevant.

1) Ageism.
2) Experience is nothing without the wisdom to take away from it and apply the good of what you experienced.
3) You can't tell/demand someone how to feel about a situation. If he feels sickened by your words, that's just how he feels.

This.

leafplant: you're being a b***h.

Matt/Laddo - I'm not sure how I gave you no choice - I haven't mentioned you at all in this thread.
I assume you don't want me to post anything personal about you on here, and I'm respecting that, but I do feel uncomfortable that people will assume we split up because you didn't give me enough time, when that's really not the reason.

It's nobody else's business but what went on between the two of you. Whatever happens has gone. I think it's against the rules to discuss your relationships here...

I was sorry to read your original post, Alycat. You put time and effort into this guy (be positive - it's practice for the next one). However...leafplant has a point. I think you should read the rules - not to actually act all of them out, or to apply them rigidly, but to think that perhaps by continuing conversations until 2 in the morning, you actually were doing yourself a disservice. You will give yourself another perspective that might - just might - help in a future situation. I would suggest moderating, not radically changing.

Let me just say that people date in different ways. Not all twenty something men are scared of relationships, and not all men would be repelled by a very obvious approach - I quite like it, but then I'm not usually intimidated by strong feeling and directness. Have you ever thought that you scare men away because actually they are not good enough for you?

However, and I have said this before - you don't seem to like yourself a lot. You have been through a few things, yeah. But until you start genuinely liking yourself, you will either end up in bad situations, or not appreciate the good in any positive situations that you get into. It's simple - yet very few people grasp this! I read post after post of people who (no offence) put the cart before the horse. Neigh!

You can have the world, and a great guy/woman telling you great things about yourself, but what's it actually worth if you really don't like yourself? It's meaningless.