Board index › Coping in life › Love and Dating

The Aspgerer's Catch 22 of Dating

Page 2 of 2 [ 20 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

Previous topic | Next topic

MCalavera
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Dec 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,442

03 Dec 2013, 6:32 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
MCalavera wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
I don't see any point to tell them on the first date, it will lower their opinion of you. Is it justified, no, but that won't stop them. How bad is your aspergers?

Can't you just act like you and not think about being a diagnosis?

It won't necessarily lower their opinion, it depends on the person. If I find out someone I'm getting to know is aspie or thinks they might be, a) it's not a surprise because that's probably the reason we were getting along so well, and b) it raises my opinion of them (or doesn't change it).


Doesn't apply because you have Asperger's already and know what it's not necessarily about. People who don't have that "luxury" are going to make unfair judgements when they're not knowledgeable enough about the condition itself and resort to stereotypical views of Asperger's instead.

Why doesn't apply? Isn't the OP allowed to date people who know about AS? There are plenty of such people.


Not plenty enough. Even decent people may make wrong judgements about someone with AS if they don't know the person enough and especially if they don't know enough about the condition itself. So you can't really be sure the other person won't think differently of you should you disclose your diagnosis to that person too early in the relationship process ... unless the other person outright told you he/she had AS.



yellowtamarin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Sep 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,763
Location: Australia

03 Dec 2013, 2:55 pm

^ That's why I'm saying it depends on the person. I usually mention it during a discussion about social awkwardness, introversion, overly-logical thinking, etc. If they haven't responded positively to those topics I wouldn't mention it (and probably wouldn't be too interested in the person anyway so no loss really).

And yeah, sometimes they mention it first, or they say something that suggests they have aspie traits. When I mention it at a time like that, it builds and instant rapport, I find.



appletheclown
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Apr 2013
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,378
Location: Soul Society

03 Dec 2013, 3:35 pm

Geekonychus wrote:
Brianruns10 wrote:
Everything about me is just a little off.

^^^This attitude is your real problem.

You're awkward but rather than being accepting of this fact and embracing it, you resort to full blown Self-deprecation (which couldn't be more unattractive, fyi.) Either you're compatible or you're not. Simple as that. The right person will be accepting of you, quirks and all but only if you're accepting of yourself first.

As for your specific question. Just say "I'm shy around new people" or "I'm kinda socially awkward." You'll get the point across without appearing like you're gunning for a pity party.

I wonder what self deprecation means?


_________________
comedic burp


aussiebloke
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 14 Oct 2009
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,407

05 Dec 2013, 2:19 am

hale_bopp wrote:
I don't see any point to tell them on the first date, it will lower their opinion of you. Is it justified, no, but that won't stop them. How bad is your aspergers?

Can't you just act like you and not think about being a diagnosis?


I wont go their :wink:


_________________
Theirs a subset of America, adult males who are forgoing ambition ,sex , money ,love ,adventure to sit in a darkened rooms mastering video games - Suicide Bob