so I actually got a couple dates from okcupid

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Then it will become an issue and it won't work out.

Why not find that out at the start then, rather than later one when you have already spent time exchanging messages and meeting up?

Can't find out everything at the start.

No, but it doesn't make sense to me to deliberately not share only the things that are irrelevant to me. Kind of like going out looking to meet someone and wearing a beanie on your head because you are not fussed about hair colour on others, but perhaps they won't like your hair colour...so you don't reveal it yet...

I can't possibly know what is important to you or any other woman. I can know what is important to myself and only myself. Even if I answer every single question on that site I won't have answered every possible combination of issues.

I don't understand the graph can you explain it?

You either live in a bubble or maybe melbourne is different.

In most parts of the world, monogamy is the default, polygamy is the exception. And yes, even in the Muslim World, poly marriages consist only 1% of marriages.

So it's up to the poly person to clarify he/she's poly to the other person.

Of course you can know. There's a button called "s/he cares about"

I'm just saying it doesn't make sense to me to DELIBERATELY not answer a questions just because it is irrelevant to ME. I'm not saying anything about answering the questions in general, how many you answer overall, etc. etc. I'm only commenting on the deliberate selection of questions to answer based on what YOU want to know about someone, and the way you are somewhat disregarding what THEY may want to know about you.

And this is the last time I'm going to try to explain myself on the matter

Last edited by yellowtamarin on 07 Jan 2014, 2:32 am, edited 1 time in total.

Low-income males are f****d, not sexually tho.

Having several first dates isn't polygamy it's finding one person you actually want to have a relationship with. Point of a dating site is to find several people to try out how you get along. It's not even sex and certainly not multiple partners, it's just MEETING new people.

Well I was just talking about casually dating other people until you form a relationship with one. I actually didn't think "monogamy" was the best term to use but I was trying to relate it to what buffinator asked. As far as I know, where I come from, if you are single and dating, it is assumed that you may be dating more than one person. Plenty of people prefer a strict "one at a time" method, but it isn't assumed that that's the case.

So, for the irrelevancy conversation... @yellowtamarin
Once you have been on a few dates it is standard procedure to answer all of each others questions before deciding to become monogamous. Until that point however you don't want to have questions linked to your profile that will either appeal or not appeal to certain users, and will change your personality profile, that you really don't give a s**t about. I have lots of "***" in the explanation of my questions for answers to change a/o delete the question.

For example, hale bop answered a lot of questions about god because they were not a big deal to her and wouldn't portray her badly (such as answering questions about fetishes, disease, etc etc might give an impression just by being answered at all). This led her personality profile to list her primary personality trait as "spiritual." I'm a strict atheist and I consider the religious to be dangerous, I would immediately "hide" a profile of someone that looked to be religious so they would stop showing up in my searches even though hale is very pretty and actually could be fun to talk to if I just tried as she is actually pretty geeky herself.

Furthermore: a lot of questions are traps. No matter what you answer, you still get points towards negative traits like aggression. My first few personality profiles showed aggression as being a dominant trait. I answered yes to lots of questions about fighting because I love fighting... competitively. And I do like bsdm kink... within reason and infrequently. And I do think that you should sleep with someone before you marry and that if after 5 dates there has been no sexual interest there probably wont be on 6,7,8 either. But that doesn't make "more desiring of sex" my primary trait. Those are red flags. Anyone who knows me knows I'm pretty passive, but I can and will fight to defend myself or my friends. Anyone who has dated me knows I can be very physical and sensual, but that I'm perfectly happy to put that off almost indefinitely until they are comfortable if they are interested. I refused to have sex with a polyamourus girl I was crushing on unless she loved me back, did I desire sex... YES! Did I prioritize it? NO! OKCupid matches do not know me however, so they saw an overweight aggressive sex crazed person with a generic profile who clearly didn't have his s**t together. Now they see an average geeky and intellectual atheist who is still figuring things out but works while going to school and has a sense of humor about it.

Polygamy -
yeah this is irrelevant.

Graph of doom:
Yep, so "red" means you don't get many messages/ replies, yellow means you get an average amount, green means you get way more than average.
On the left is age and the top is income. those two factors form a coordinate on the graph. So for example I am (23, 20K) OR (2,-6) which is a red square i.e. not good. However by fudging my age to 22, I am magically on a yellow square, i.e. I go from the 10th percentile (i.e. I get fewer messages than 89% of my peers) to the 50th percentile for a net gain of 40percentile.

This is significant because response rates follow an exponential curve with the top 2% of men in the green sector getting 30% of total messages. Conversely red sector men have to squabble over... I think 5% of total messages.

Question:

So, now that I have had these dates how often to I try to contact these people? Do I stick to 1 message a day rules for okcupid or do I start sending them stupid <3 type texts in the morning or evening?

I recently rejoined OKCupid. Just gotta try and answer a lot of Qs........ and to re-introduce myself to the whole thing.

I wouldn't start with that stuff until you know it's a bit more serious, if they do and you want to go ahead. But no more than 2 texts is something I've learned as a general rule try to keep it as just one text until she replies to it.

I made a point of not sending more than two un-responded-to messages. And I would only send the second if there was something in the first I felt needed clarifying. Getting bombarded by messages is extremely off-putting, for either sex, I'm betting.

Also, if the other person sounds in any way like they're "signing off" for the day, then I don't expect to hear back from them until tomorrow. But I would acknowledge their "sign-off" with one of my own, and let them re-start the conversation the next day, if they wanted to. (Sometimes it's obvious, like they'll say "good night." Other times, not so much. Basically, if they mention something else they have to do, I assume that means they're done corresponding for the day.)

Bottom line, let it flow naturally.