Age difference and dating.

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Cradle robbing? It sounds more like the girl is robbing the museum in this case.

Did you know that Hugh Hefner (the Playboy founder) is married to a woman who is 60 YEARS YOUNGER than him?

Age is meaningless.. I am in an open relationship... I am 39. My Permanent Partner is 34. Sexy is sexy... My playmates are (a VERY sexy) 54 year old (think bow-flex commercial), 29 year old primal furry, 22 year old masochistic submissive, and a 19 year old hippy girl.

Screw societal standards... We, by the very nature of our condition, are already outside the societal norms. As such, we are not restricted to them. If it is safe, sane, consensual, and everyone is legal... Who cares?

Age is just a number. As long as the girl is of at least legal age (18 in most states) your sailing in smooth waters. Many young women desire older men. This is especially true on sugar dating sites.

As a strip club VIP and experienced sugar dater, I have dated many women half my age or younger. Certainly shopping money helps. My current favorite I have been seeing going on six years is half my age.

Don't give up before you have even called a play. Many young women want relationships with older men and are as excited and flattered as they can be when one pays them some attention. Many of the people who write social media and talk about "age group approproiate" have no idea what they are really talking about.

Having AS I was essentially blocked from normal dating in HS and for a large part of my college years. It was a hurt and emptiness in me for a long time even after I was supposedly in a good marriage. That I have found a way to date and see women late in life I find attractive is wonderful. Its like that Rambo movie where he rescued guys that were POW / MIA for a long time. Its better late than never and it is not over until its over. Don't let the "age approproiate" people intimidate you with their ignorance or propoganda.

lol I didn't think this thread would be so relevant to me when I read it the other day.. but this weekend I met someone that made me wonder if I'd date them or not due to their age vs. mine. It'd be legal, but would certainly draw some stares. I'm not entirely decided how I feel about it. I think I'm just going to let things happen however they do since it may not even evolve into dating, never mind a relationship. who knows, maybe we just meet up a couple times and nothing more comes of it. But if we meet up a couple times and something more is coming of it.. well, I dunno how I'll play that until the time comes.

Thing is, I still have a huge crush on my closest friend and in part that's why I don't really date. But it's just a crush, not a relationship, and I should be more open to the possibility of meeting someone else sometime, which makes me wonder if this turns into dating if I'll be open to it and give it a chance. The age thing is a bit of a factor, but a smaller one, because really it wouldn't be anyone's decision or business besides mine and his & if it feels right, well, I might just do it regardless of what anyone else thinks.

That's all just speculative, though. It may be that nothing comes of it at all and I'm just over-thinking it. It's interesting to contemplate, though.. to try to answer my own questions about whether there's a too young line that shouldn't be crossed, or if it's simply about compatibility age numbers be damned. Hmmmm.

Hey if it's legal and mutual, why worry?
You keep talking about this best friend - have you ever discussed it with him?
I'm picturing the conversation going something like this - Hey buddy, have I mentioned to you that I've been treating my autism with miraculous results AND LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOve YOUUUUUUU!
I hope it all works out for you one way or another~

Yeah, if it's legal and mutual who knows.. maybe. I've met a lot of gay guys over the years but very very very seldom have I met any (like 1% or so) that I'd ever consider dating or having a relationship with. There was a little bit of that potential in the air when I met this guy. So, ya never know. I don't know lol. Maybe he'll be a friend with benefits & that's the extent of things - which I'd be ok with, too, as at this point in my life I have a lot of other things to focus on in terms of health/work/finances etc and don't want to lose focus with a relationship distraction.. especially a new one that requires a lot of time and attention. It'd be a different story if I ever dated my closest friend, as we know each other well and wouldn't need to put in a lot of work to get to know each other etc. But yeah, I'm definitely over thinking things and thinking waaaay too far ahead lol I really should just enjoy things as they come and just roll with it and see what happens vs. worry about what ifs and contemplate decisions I may never even be faced with.

Yes, he's very well aware of my crush. He's not into me like I am into him. we remain very close friends & in addition to my crush on him, I love him. He knows this. Even if we're never a couple I'll always love him and he'll always be in my life. I'd rather have that than no friendship with him at all, as I've told him, because my crush on him is not an all or nothing thing - I'm ok with having him in my life as the friend I know and love. And he's ok with that. As I tell him, equal or better, always.

I have told him about what I've been doing to treat my symptoms. Further, as I made a thread about months ago, 5 months ago I gave him a 20 page or so document I typed up outlining his ASD symptoms & other correlated diagnoses. He has yet to read it and it's driving me nuts. Not because he hasn't read it, I get that he's not a reader, but because he doesn't fully know the info that's in those pages yet. I reminded him about it again last night and pissed him off. He did say he's glanced at it, but I don't think he's read very much of it. I intended for him to read it and then pass it on to his father. Today I got up and it was driving me nuts not to talk about this stuff with him and/or his dad, and seeing as I pissed him off last night it may be months before he bothers picking it up to read. So, I went and chatted with his dad this afternoon and gave him a copy to read himself. He doesn't know what it's about at all - only that I've said it's important & I can't not tell him/them these things now that I know them. He said he'd take a look at it - so he will, sooner than his son. As I told him, I wonder if he might take it harder than his son will.. since he didn't see these things in his child all his life and realize his diagnosis/diagnoses. But you don't know what you don't know.. so he's not to blame that no one figured it out earlier and I hope he doesn't feel he is. Due to extenuating circumstances, I'm still concerned that his dad will feel at fault some. I'm sure I'll have many conversations with him about what I've written about his son in the near future. I'm willing to piss off my friend and ruin his day in order to make the rest of his life. He might not talk to me for a while, but in the end I hope this entire thing brings us all closer together - even if just a ever better friends. I love him and I want him to be happy, so he needs to know all of these things I've been able to observe in him in order to have the best chance of living a happy healthy life vs. symptoms he's unaware of screwing with his life.

Oh, and since it's the actual act of reading it that's the constraint - because he's not a reader for a few reasons of which I am aware and accepting of - I also ran the text through a text-to-speech converter in itunes and made a half-arsed audiobook out of it & burned it on a cd and gave it to his dad to pass on to him. I told him last night, and his dad today, that if it's what it takes I'll sit down and read it to him. Hopefully he has a listen or a read or takes me up on my offer to read it to him. I do wonder if his dad might read his copy soon and then feel compelled to discuss it with his son/make him read it/read it to him? I really don't know how this is going to shake out.. only that things are going to get shaky. In the end I like to believe that this is going to make us all closer friends as we realize the reasons we're in each others lives.

And while your post was funny, I do in fact tell him that I love him. Not every time I see him or anything, but I do, because I do. He's a loveable guy & being a little bit hippy he's open to that sort of language and exchanges *hugs* with me and all of his friends/coworkers.

edit: since this is an age difference thread.. I'm 31, my closest friend & crush is 27, and the guy I met on the weekend is... 18.

Holy Cow, I wasn't expecting that response! Now you see this is exactly why I can't not like you even though you drive me nuts sometimes. You are so passionate and determined and energetic. I really always feel your passion for what you are saying even if I disagree with you.

18 is pretty young for 31, but it's not weirdo freaky young. By the time he's 22 it won't be that big of a deal. And besides as you say, it may just be a fling or something you both enjoy. Could work.

I'm just going to say this in the spirit of camaraderie, just so you can think about it - I hate to say it because I really think it's cool that you went to all that trouble and made him the audiobook. You are going to make some guy a great boyfriend/husband someday! But maybe you shouldn't push them on this, maybe you're not able to tell if he has it or not - and even if he does - there is a concept of boundaries. Ok that's all I"m saying!

Now I'm picturing this 18 year old being really hot and sexy. Am I right? Or is he more the cute type, like shy and bookish or something like that?

Yeah, the whole 18 thing is entirely speculative contemplation, anyways. It probably won't become much of anything, but there's always that nagging "what if?" question. I suppose it's only a "what if?" about a potential relationship because he's so young. Had I met up with a 22yo I wouldn't likely even be thinking about a future relationship at this point. Although we didn't get to know each other very well, what I have learned about him I like so far in terms of interests/studies/career etc in addition to his physical looks. But I'm not sure if I'm thaaaaaaaaat physically/mentally attracted to him.. there was something about him though that made me feel like their could be something there, or that something could develop - and that's a very rare feeling for me. Meh, I'm just going to let life happen vs. waste time thinking about what ifs. If it's very short lived, meh, whatever. If it evolves into dating/relationship over time, maybe I'll let it. I guess time will tell. Lol you say at 22 it won't matter... I was thinking of that old rule of half your age plus 7, that's be 22.5. I thought hmm, yeah, people might not say much about that as a minimum.. and I'd probably be more comfortable with it, too. But then again, IF there is something there and we end up hanging out more and more often.. well, then I shouldn't really rule out any relationship potential just based on age difference alone. IF he and I truly turn out to be compatible, I might be making a big mistake by ruling it out because of what other people might think. I digress.. Just gonna let life happen.

Thanks for that compliment. Someday.. I thought about all of this over and over before deciding to tell him/them. He does have it & I know it.. nearly 20 pages of signs/symptoms/traits that I recognized and typed up is proof positive. It's textbook. Knowing what I know I couldn't keep it to myself and I explained in my "book," why I decided I had to tell him - one main reason being so that others who recognize these traits in him cannot easily manipulate him, including me. Further, it's been my personal experience that it's MUCH better knowing. Also, due to additional diagnoses I've see certain signs of in him, I am confident that what I've done to treat myself will greatly reduce his symptoms as well. I saw him this early evening after work & we had a chill hangout. He was in a good mood and not at all still pissed off from saturday night when I reminded him about reading my "book." That was nice. As I was leaving his dad was taking out the garbage and we chatted for a bit. He did start reading a good chunk of it, but stopped because he felt it might be too personal - maybe not to me, but to his son - and that he shouldn't be reading it. I told him I think he should finish reading it because there are things in there he needs to know, and things of medical value nearer to the end. He is a Doctor, after all. I hope he reads it. The next time I see him I'll discreetly ask, and if he says he hasn't read it, I'm going to lay it out in clear language that there are additional diagnoses & medically relevant information in there that he Needs to know about his son as well as for his profession. I'll remind him that like I said at the beginning of the book, read it through to the end because it gets better. I told him I fully get feeling that it's very personal, as I struggled with deciding to give him a copy because I didn't want to feel I was betraying his son, either. But that I think he needs to know everything in there so I hope he reads it. I guess time will tell whether he does or I have to prompt him & give him a reason to finish reading it. Boundaries.. yes, I know, trust me.. I know. It was a very difficult decision to do all of this, each step of it, but I feel that I can't keep this knowledge to myself when it can help him/them and that they Need to know it even if it pisses him/them off in the short term. More concisely: I love him too much not to tell him.

Mr. 18.. hmm, I'd say more cute than sexy if I were picking solely between those two descriptors. A little more muscle tone might change that. I guess it's a size thing, too. He's small - like 5'5 or so, and slim. From what little I know about him I'd imagine he may be a bit quiet/introverted based on his interests & current work (finance), yet he spoke of a career goal that would require a pretty go-getting confident person to get to. His interests say shy (imo), but in person he wasn't shy in most respects, but was a bit nervous when he asked if we could get together again sometime (which was cute.) sooo I can't quite put my finger on whether I'd say he was shy and quiet, or confident and outgoing but just a little naturally nervous like any normal human being. I've certainly met much shyer guys all around. I guess I'll have to hang out with him again sometime and try to figure that out for myself. Maybe it's some combination of the bunch and I just have to get to know how he is about various things in various situations. I was pretty comfortable talking with him vs. so many other guys I've met. I think it was more an intellectual comfort - he seemed wise beyond his years (hell, he may be an Aspie lol don't think that didn't cross my mind.. but I didn't notice any specific traits, nor was I looking for them, but I might keep an eye/ear out next time.) There was no age difference when we were talking about business/finance/economics. Further to that, conversation led towards some gay issues ie being out/coming out, and some stories of my own experiences that I thought would be of value for him to hear at his age. I've rarely told these stories, so I know I was quite comfortable talking with him and felt a good enough vibe to want to share those things with him. He didn't say too much, mostly listened to that part.. and I said I hoped I wasn't boring him and that he was getting something from this - and he indicated that he wasn't bored and that he was, so it was cool. If nothing else ever comes of meeting him, I can at least feel good that this conversation took place and I hopefully was able to ease some anxieties for him and change his perceptions of things for the better for the rest of his life.

Sounds like you had a really nice talk with this cute guy.

Like I said, I hope it works out for you (whichever road will make you the happiest)! Too bad we can't always know that ahead of time!

Thanks for sharing all of that, it was interesting - I like getting to know you instead of yelling at you!

Yeah, it was a nice talk. I found myself thinking about him a bit this evening - maybe I'll send him a message or something soon.

Thanks - and yeah, too bad we can't know ahead of time which road to take.. I still don't know. I mean, I do know that I'd jump at the chance to be in a relationship with my closest friend, buuut I don't want to let that crush keep me from travelling down a different road that might be just as good or better for me.

Then again, I don't think I'll be spending too too much time travelling any roads for a while.. as I received some documents in the mail yesterday regarding some legal matters that I now have to spend a ridiculous amount of time dealing with for a while. The long and the short of it is that a homophobe has accused me of sexual harassment & fabricated a story saying that I said/did things that NEVER happened. Fortunately he has no proof/witnesses/paper trail etc to substantiate his absurd extreme claims, so there's a good chance it'll just be dismissed. But yay, I get to spend time getting various documents together & calling around for legal advice.. wooooo. I'm not a revenge kinda guy, but there's the potential that this turns into me filing a suit against him for slander/libel/defamation etc if it's advised I do so - and especially if it ends up costing me a bunch of money/time off work to deal with. The whole thing is nucking futs & stems from the homophobic incident I posted in the LGBT forum a couple of months ago.

Soooo, I'm busy busy.. no road travelling.. but I'll still shoot Mr. 18 a message soon and chat. I had much more valuable things to do this evening instead after doing a little prelim work w/ the legal crap - and that as swinging by my best friend since high school's place to *hug* & hang out with my youngest God daughter (6) & her little bro (2) for an hour and a half. That was a much needed stress relief break.

No problem. I don't mind sharing. I suppose I lead an.. interesting life sometimes. Sometimes I could use a little boring in my life instead of this crap. But whatever, it's just another challenge to overcome & an opportunity to learn new things. Like I said to my boss, maybe the reason I have to go through this is to learn the legal processes in order to be able to help a friend in the future should they come up against anything like this that's actually legitimate.

F it, life's too short, I'm gonna send a msg to Mr. 18 right now just to say hi.

http://worldnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2013 ... night?lite

My girl is two years older than I am. I see no problems.

Sooooo, I have plans to hangout with mr. 18 again next weekend.

Hopefully I'm over my sore throat/cold that has me at home today.

I have no expectations of this going somewhere or not. I'm just going to roll with it and see what happens. In part, because we did have some great conversation and things in common & while he's not perfect I did like him.. but also in part because I want to force myself to go on the odd hangout-date here and there to further break my dependance on my crush on my closest friend that may be limiting me from enjoying dating others - ya know? Not sure if anyone here can quite relate. It's.. complicated, because I do love my closest friend very much and wish we were a couple.. but in reality, I can't hold my breath on that ever happening as it may not. I still hope it does someday, so I know going on dates with others will still have me feeling somewhat hesitant to develop any real feelings for others. I still think it's good and healthy for me to do so, though, and since I won't be making any promises to anyone else I don't feel like I'm wasting anyone else' time or toying with their emotions at all - as, after all, it's just a simple hangout-date with no expectations or strings attached from either side. As much as some people bash that concept as being superficial and unfair to people, I quite like it. No pressure kind of thing. Could lead to friends with benefits, or perhaps something more, or maybe nothing at all - and it doesn't matter which.

Hi goldfish, I was wondering how that was going. Glad to hear you are getting out. oooo, come back and tell us how it goes!

So far just a couple of text messages. From what I gather, he's not too big on messaging much - either that or he's just been really busy lately. we were going to meet up last week but then he was in a minor car accident when his brother's car was hit and had to cancel. Then I sent him a couple texts over the next few days and he didn't reply.. I was going to wait another couple days then send him an email just in case his phone wasn't working or something vs. assume he was ignoring me. Then he sent me a text and apologized for taking so long to get back to me, we had a brief text chat and agreed to meet up next weekend.

I haven't been getting out much at all for months because I've been working 11 days on ~10h/day then 3 off. The only places I've gone/ppl I've seen on my days off are my closest friend when I make the effort to go to one of his workplaces to hangout at the end of the night, and my best friend and his wife and two kids - mostly the kids when I've swung by to give and receive some much needed love during a ridiculously stressful time in my life. As I've posted in the LGBT forum, I have a legal complaint against me (that is completely fabricated) that I have to defend myself against and it's ridiculously stressful. I don't feel I should have to be forced to pay every penny I've been saving for lawyers fees to defend against wild fabricated allegations. I still have a lot to read and learn about the process & I'm hoping that I can either figure out the process well enough myself and win this representing myself, or perhaps get a lawyer that will work on contingency - ie they get paid once I win and am awarded costs, and they get nothing if I don't get awarded costs for being drug through this nonsense. I'll have to ask them that and they'll have to decide whether I have a strong enough case for it.

All that said, I'm looking forward to hanging out with mr. 18 again. It'll be a nice break from an otherwise very stressful life at the moment. As for telling you how it goes.. heh, ok. I'll tell you about conversations again, at least.