It keeps amazing me how fast and easily some find love...

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There was a time in my life when I had good successes with dating. It lasted for about 10 years while I was in my 40’s. (The infamous second adolescence.) I was rarely without dating someone for periods of a couple of weeks to 2-3 months. The longest was one year. But... it took a whole lot of deliberate time, effort, and study. To make it happen I cultivated special interests in exercise, nutrition, grooming, fashion, and dating.

Physical Fitness - In the gym for 2 hours, 5-6 days each week for intense weight training and light cardio. (I was already quite skinny so losing body fat was not much of a concern.) Studied the heck out of exercise physiology and hired trainers from time to time. Put on 20-30 pounds of lean body mass with low body fat. Got a lot of compliments on the resulting physique.

Nutrition - No sugar, very low fat, moderate complex carbs, and very high protein (like 300+ grams daily). Lots and lots of supplements too.

Grooming - Scoured Esquire and the like for male grooming tips. (Basically boils down to get a good haircut, then exfoliate and moisturize.) Where I live keeping a bit of suntan is also considered attractive.

Fashion - Noting and copying what worked best for others.

Dating - I gained greatly from the works of Harville Hendrix.

The fun ground to a halt after I blew-out my rotator cuffs. By that time I was growing a bit tired of the dating merry-go-round anyway.

During that time I thought it a bit funny how, by simply maintaining an attractive physique and overall appearance, people were sooo much more willing to overlook my personality quirks. It seemed as though focusing on the most shallow things worked best.

what amazes me is how fast and easily,some Aspie
are able to attract partners,NT partners.

Today two friends changed their Facebook status to 'in a relationship'.

It keeps amazing me

I'd say in general there's something miraculous about love, but as someone who ends up in loads of relationships, it's more a matter of appreciating what people are now than it is a matter of truuu lurve. I don't think there exists true love. I think, rather, that with some people you can learn to admire and support one another across multiple dimensions, and others only a few dimensions. Close relationships, for me, tend to be those in which support is able to be across multiple dimensions. Friends or f**k buddies are few dimensions.

I guess, the thing is that all relationships are an opportunity to learn, admire and support someone (or run the f**k away, whichever seems appropriate.) I think the way relationships are viewed (there can be only one*) makes no sense to me. If there's a potential for connection, who cares if you end up f*****g them, talking to them or merely corresponding with them? Why try to make a relationship something it isn't or get angry because it isn't the one you were looking for? If I can connect with you somehow, I'm going to try, and I'm ambivalent on how as long as it doesn't strike me as abusive or incorrect.

* at a time or ever

Someone I chat with regularly on FB from this community brought up a very good point around the time I stopped shopping around in the dating market again:

many times, people are in relationships out of insecurity.

They feel like they need to be with someone, or they don't matter.

I currently have profiles up on several dating sites all over the internet; at least half of them I recently reactivated after several years, now that my relationship's been over since late 2012. And....after having a few insightful chats with my buddy I.....don't even look at my results from those sites much anymore.

I realize I'm a little too busy with other things in life at this time, and just want to enjoy myself.

"Love comes when you're not looking", and I don't want to shop around for it.

I want to meet a woman who I'll be excited to chat with every night, not just dragging myself to talk to woman out of need to not be lonely.

That will come when it comes.

So now, for the second time since I broke up with my ex, I feel renewed and focused on enjoying life; not even really thinking about a relationship at this time.

Look, you don't need to be in several relationships to matter; if you are gonna be in a relationship, make sure it's a good one.

I've never found a relationship that worked when I was looking for one. There is a certain desperation about looking for one that makes you more willing to look over any defects of someone else simply because they can stand to be around you. That got me 1) married and divorced to a guy who is now on death row, 2) dating numerous junkies and drunks and crappy thieves, 3) dating a really nice guy who was a good friend and rich but i wasn't attracted to him, 4) dating a complete nutcase psycho (oddly enough not the guy on death row), 5) dating an emotionally immature musician who couldn't commit but wanted a commitment although he did write a song about me (he's still a friend too) Looking for realtionships has gotten me used, hurt (physically and emotionally), frustrated, every other bad thing you can imagine too probably.

I had given up on finding love when I met my husband. I had decided to play the field like guys do and went into it with a what the hell attitude. Twenty seven years later, here we are. Four kids and a grandbaby later, here we are. My oldest daughter met her fiance because he was her older brothers best friend. Her first bf, she was his first gf. They have been together 7 years and are engaged and also probably commonly law married. My youngest son met his gf hanging out with her and her sister and some friends. She's his first gf. One day he didn't have a gf and wasn't interested, the next we saw on FB he had a gf. The next week we met her when she came to hang out. Then she came over to spend the night and is still here and perfect for him.

When it happens, it happens. It's not easy. Trying to make it happen doesn't work. You can keep looking for it if you want and you can find it that way, I know plenty of people who have. It's hard work though. If it's going to happen it will and it will be easy.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

When you find yourself amazed by all of the relationships around you, just remember how common breakups are (all of the previous relationships they were in ended with one, unless they're polyamorous), and what divorce rates are like.

I´m jealous and confused

How many guy friends do you have? When was the last time you talked to a guy for the sake of talking?

Not saying this is true for you, but something I noticed around here with the more reserved girls that complain about not having a boyfriend is that they never seem to take the initiative to talk with new boys, and expect new relationships to fall into their laps.

I'm not delusional so I know the vast majority of us here (including myself) have difficulty forming and holding relationships. But they don't spontaneously come into being, not unless you're a charming extrovert. I can get quite jealous of those if I'm not careful haha.

I think that It's enough to be with the person you have the most feelings for.