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I am confused again! I feel I have been manipulated, what ev

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The_Face_of_Boo
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04 Feb 2014, 4:31 am

Lilya wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Lilya wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Lilya wrote:
He did lie about a lot of details. It sounds to me like he was after a one-night-stand and was disappointed for not getting further. I don't see you having had the chance to win this one, and frankly, I doubt it would have been worth it in the first place.

Ignore him making it sound like it was something you did, and please try to move on. Unfortunately a lot of people can initially lie or exaggerate their views or assets in order to get closer to someone, especially online.

I can recall a few people online who had said various things about their values and aspirations in life to match mine and in real life, had turned out to present the very opposite after getting to know them slightly better. In all cases the motive was to pique curiosity until they had managed to "get laid" which luckily, never happened with any of them. Even if a person has sincere motives, a lot of people do try to create rapport by trying find (or invent) similarities to another person.


Hmm...not necessarily he cut her off because of that.

First thing, stalking - or giving the impression of stalking - is always a turn off thing, the guy was probably thinking along the lines "First date and yet she's already watching me and trying to be that controlling! And wanting me to give her justifications for my online activity! Wtf?", he could be really got tired of talking on the phone and went to bed and checked the site on his phone, and remember, he has no obligations (ie. keep talking on the phone all night) toward the OP yet.

Or he really wasn't attracted to her, and seeking for any excuse to reject her.

^^ Women do all of this all the time, it's just you ladies aren't used to see it coming from men, this guy is most probably highly attractive and has a lot of options, and not desperate for sex (ie. like a lot of women on dating sites).


That doesn't excuse lying or pretending interest. His is actually a very common reaction when being exposed. I'm not saying he has obligations after one date, but I see him just making up an excuse not to continue being in touch. If he was genuinely interested, he most likely would have been willing to talk about things. Every decent person can be expected to show sincerity and respect towards another. He failed in that even before stating he did not want to keep in touch.


And if he was really a desperate for sex he would do anything to have her pardon and act all Nice Guy hoping for sex later, after all the OP was a potential partner and was showing great interest in him.

But he did not, what he did instead is rejecting her, probably because he thought she's too controlling. Think about it.

And as I said, NT women do this 'not interested' or not 'not so interested yet' behavior (with using white lies sometimes) without saying it all the time to filter out men, this is one of the rare cases where things are reversed.


I disagree, in my experience such men move on very quickly when they fail to find easy enough target. Lying about having missed the last train is pretty obvious trying to get laid move by my interpretation.


That's because you probably only go for the highly attractive alpha men - those are more likely to move on because they have many other options, and they would dump you so early if you bother them with anything, they are quickly fed up, like in the OP case.

And yes, the OP did give the impression of stalker/controller, as aspiemike said the green dot might be due to the app or he didn't log out, or as I said before he was just checking it on his phone app.



Lilya
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04 Feb 2014, 6:01 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Lilya wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Lilya wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Lilya wrote:
He did lie about a lot of details. It sounds to me like he was after a one-night-stand and was disappointed for not getting further. I don't see you having had the chance to win this one, and frankly, I doubt it would have been worth it in the first place.

Ignore him making it sound like it was something you did, and please try to move on. Unfortunately a lot of people can initially lie or exaggerate their views or assets in order to get closer to someone, especially online.

I can recall a few people online who had said various things about their values and aspirations in life to match mine and in real life, had turned out to present the very opposite after getting to know them slightly better. In all cases the motive was to pique curiosity until they had managed to "get laid" which luckily, never happened with any of them. Even if a person has sincere motives, a lot of people do try to create rapport by trying find (or invent) similarities to another person.


Hmm...not necessarily he cut her off because of that.

First thing, stalking - or giving the impression of stalking - is always a turn off thing, the guy was probably thinking along the lines "First date and yet she's already watching me and trying to be that controlling! And wanting me to give her justifications for my online activity! Wtf?", he could be really got tired of talking on the phone and went to bed and checked the site on his phone, and remember, he has no obligations (ie. keep talking on the phone all night) toward the OP yet.

Or he really wasn't attracted to her, and seeking for any excuse to reject her.

^^ Women do all of this all the time, it's just you ladies aren't used to see it coming from men, this guy is most probably highly attractive and has a lot of options, and not desperate for sex (ie. like a lot of women on dating sites).


That doesn't excuse lying or pretending interest. His is actually a very common reaction when being exposed. I'm not saying he has obligations after one date, but I see him just making up an excuse not to continue being in touch. If he was genuinely interested, he most likely would have been willing to talk about things. Every decent person can be expected to show sincerity and respect towards another. He failed in that even before stating he did not want to keep in touch.


And if he was really a desperate for sex he would do anything to have her pardon and act all Nice Guy hoping for sex later, after all the OP was a potential partner and was showing great interest in him.

But he did not, what he did instead is rejecting her, probably because he thought she's too controlling. Think about it.

And as I said, NT women do this 'not interested' or not 'not so interested yet' behavior (with using white lies sometimes) without saying it all the time to filter out men, this is one of the rare cases where things are reversed.


I disagree, in my experience such men move on very quickly when they fail to find easy enough target. Lying about having missed the last train is pretty obvious trying to get laid move by my interpretation.


That's because you probably only go for the highly attractive alpha men - those are more likely to move on because they have many other options, and they would dump you so early if you bother them with anything, they are quickly fed up, like in the OP case.

And yes, the OP did give the impression of stalker/controller, as aspiemike said the green dot might be due to the app or he didn't log out, or as I said before he was just checking it on his phone app.


No need to be rude or get personal. I've never gone for the alpha male type, but I've dodged quite a few. Handsome men, yes, though. Also, it's enough for him to look or hope for other options, not necessarily "have" them. There are a lot of guys online who look for the fastest and easiest quick fixes and back off quickly when not getting one fast enough or are being called out for doing that.

I don't know how aggressive Daisy was with her behaviour with this guy, but I do know based on the given details that this guy lied and did wrong. I see no point in defending his actions.


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Geekonychus
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04 Feb 2014, 8:13 am

Did the OP end up sleeping with this dude? If he tricked her into a one night stand I'd say that he's a douche and the OP has a right to be upset (but really should move on anyway.)



Caleban
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05 Feb 2014, 9:01 am

Op

This sounds like the old "ignore you until you go away", after which you then confronted him about it and he turned it around and made it sound like it was your fault for stalking and checking up on him.

this guy sounds like a particularly weak specimen.

it is utterly sad to stop talking and expect that you get the message.

it sounds like this guy is stuck between being an a***hole and actually admitting it to himself, which of course is the worst kind of a***hole.

he maintains silence so that his fragile self image of himself can be preserved. he could explain but its much easier to pretend hes a nice guy to himself and just let you drift away.

then you said something and now he has your behaviour to lay the blame on.

you were manipulated, you are absolutely right. you could not have won no matter what you did.

hes obviously pond life and you got a lucky escape. his behaviour would have manifested itself in many other negative ways that he'd have blamed you for. even if he liked you and saw a future with you he'd have been the same lying failure of a person. at least this way you get to see the back of him now rather than 2 years later after many other examples of self serving, manipulative behaviour that he would have blamed on you.