Why dating sites are BS

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No, you judge them by more than their looks. They also write about themselves in their profiles, so you can judge them by what you know about them.

That's very true, and this mindset seems kind of new. I remember a situation I had back in 2006. I messaged this girl on a dating site. A week or so later, I suggested getting together for a beer after work. She was OUTRAGED: how dare I even bring up meeting after talking only a few times? She sent me an angry reply, and blocked me. She must have thought I was desperate and impatient.

Nowadays, the norm seems to be three to ten days. Any longer, and one or both people lose interest. It's one way our instant gratification society works in our favor: no need to waste weeks on "laying groundwork". Interestingly, what I noticed is that the quicker the meeting happens, the more affectionate the girl acts with me (hugs, hand-touches, etc), regardless of whether or not there is a second date.

One useful tactic I adopted is to NEVER talk or text with her until the day of the meeting, and even then, it's a very terse "hey, this is Aspie1, I'm on my way, see you in half hour". Maybe a few phrases like "how's your day so far?" or "looking forward to seeing you", if she actually picks up. This way, I eliminate the risk of saying something "wrong" and destroying her interest. Plus, most girls I talked to actually have some semblance of a conscience, and wouldn't cancel a date an hour prior, because then it'll be too obvious. They still have no qualms about lying "I'm sick" the day before just to get out of meeting me.

What used to happen often is that she never picked up when I called or responded to my texts (after exchanging phone numbers), and the meeting never happened. Since old habits die hard, the girl usually doesn't initiate contact, which keeps the odds of the meeting high (i.e. no possibility of me saying something "wrong" on the phone). I also make it clear on my profile that I'm not looking for an online buddy; basically "plan on meeting quickly, or don't contact me". Fortunately, this is become less and less of a problem, as the new norm of meeting your online date sooner, rather than later, takes hold.

All Im good for is a fling after that they dont want to stick around an odd ball like me.

The majority of dating sites are a waste of time. Most require a credit card.

Then use a free one.

I blocked a girl one time because she was so pathetically obsessed with grammar that she ignored everything I said just to point out I used the wrong "to."

I think in reality, it's about what girls see in the pictures.

Marky9 and Jono, I like your attitudes. You sound like great people to stumble across on a dating site.

Have you found that the people you meet in real life tend to be of "better quality" than those you meet on dating sites? Granted, a dating site probably doesn't have the full spectrum of single people to choose from, but neither does a bar, a supermarket, a church, etc. The issue for you could simply be that the "pool" of potentials on a dating site is not as good a mix as the "pool" at some other place, and that's fine, but it doesn't mean online dating is BS for everyone. For me, it has more of my type of person than nearly any other place I frequent.

When I was on a dating site I thought it would have more people like me that were inexperienced. The ones I met seemed experienced and seemed to think I was too. They also seemed to think I was someone different than who I was even though I was honest in my profile. It was just too weird because I was out of their league. I agree, I don't think it's enough.

Last edited by slw1990 on 17 Feb 2014, 12:39 am, edited 1 time in total.

After having an account on multiple sites for years, I finally deleted them.

I just stopped using them years ago but never bothered to take them down until today. I've been meaning to for a while but never got around to it.

I was on OkCupid, PlentyofFish and Zoosk. I got the most messages from Zoosk, and I got quite a few messages from OKCupid but I was always so busy with my life that I often didn't get on for months and by the time I did, I'd see messages that were sent months ago and so it was like.. Oops..
Same thing with Zoosk.

I was active on OKCupid, (checking it every day) for about a month. I feel like I had pretty good luck with it, considering I sent under 10 messages to women first, but usually I was initially contacted by them and had some good potentials, but usually what would happen is I'd meet some girl from school or whatever and start dating them.

I'm sure if I ever want to meet women in the future I would definitely just use OKCupid.

But for now, I'm loving being single.

i think I just need to move to a urlgier city, there's a lot of hot women and guys here, they come from all over the world to attend the university.

I have no other way of meeting women though, but I have ran dry on women to message , they just out of my league, so I hide them. on okc(wish pof had this option) when women review me they probably see me the same as a homeless guy on the scale of their demands, i wish my area had dating or single groups, not even the churches do

The problem I have with dating sites is the men never want to meet. They will say they do, and talk or text you for days, then disappear with out a trace.

But where else am I going to meet someone? It is not good for a woman to go to a bar alone but I have no friends and all my coworkers are female.

the only thing I've ever gotten out of a dating site is I shared some book recommendations with a cute girl a couple months ago.

that's pretty much my experience with women, they ask for my number talk for a few days then ignore me, guess they found someone better looking.


now i require talking to a woman for days until i feel comfortable meeting them, which never happens, i only imagine that if i'd taken them out i'd wasted money i don't have, so at least there's that.

tbh with all the rejection i've got, idk how long it'll take for me to feel comfortable dating a woman, maybe i take to long to ask, all my simi relationships were not in person, so i'm use to spending weeks getting to know someone only thru text.

you being a woman though , maybe they just weren't for you if they stopped talking to you. they might have found someone better, people on dating sites seem to always be looking for someone better.

what I've noticed in the people that I know who've had any long-term success with online dating, is that it's mostly the super-social types who actually do succeed. you know, the types who like everyone they meet anyway. ones who enjoy small talk and dates in crowded public places.

What's easy to forget is that dating sites are TOOLS, like a hammer, an electric mixer, or a smartphone. They're supposed to be used a certain way. If you don't use them correctly, you won't get the results you want. The problem lies in the fact that unlike a hammer, an electric mixer, or a smartphone, instructions for dating sites don't exist. Not only that, they also change rapidly. Consider how 20 years ago, messaging someone online and having coffee with them a week later was downright unthinkable; now, most people would bail if the other person wasn't interesting in the idea of meeting them after talking for a week.

Unfortunately, the only way to learn is through trial and error, since we aspies don't have well-developed social intuition to fall back on. There are instruction forums available for that. Plenty of Fish has a forums section, girlsaskguys.com is pretty good, and even select PUA sites can offer good insight. Those are the instruction manuals for dating sites.

Yeah.. And they try to manipulate us with those smiley faces.
>:(
I really hate those type of people. They really make me feel sick sometimes. As an asexual female-ish being, I don't really have anything against dating sites because I... actually don't really need them. Don't get me wrong here, I might be asexual but I can still be attracted to someone in a quite romantic way. So this brings me to the real topic we were discussing here. I don't really like to hang around in dating sites and sending stuff like I'm a bit cold today if you know what I mean though I'm actually kind of curious about the number of aspies on those sites. I.. think there actually are some in okcupid and acebook [it's an asexual dating site. It's pretty cool!]. So I think dating sites have the potential of being something really useful as long as they're not used for dating. Yeah!