28 Feb 2014, 11:12 pm
01 Mar 2014, 1:09 am
01 Mar 2014, 2:08 am
01 Mar 2014, 2:15 am
OliveOilMom
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Location: About 50 miles past the middle of nowhere
01 Mar 2014, 2:49 am
onewithstrange wrote:
"Nice Guys" are cowards, plain and simple. They're too afraid to stick up for what they believe in because they fear the consequences, fear being made to accept that they're not all they think they are. They'll manipulate and lie to influence others, because coming straight out and being honest about their intentions or feelings is scary and alien. Their self-esteem is so feeble that they feel compelled to even lie to themselves and blame others for his misfortune. If he's rejected by a girl, it wasn't because she saw through his ruse and recognized him for the manipulative narcissist that he was, it was because she didn't know how this whole dating thing was supposed to work. Of course he would never let it come to a rejection, because he would have lost interest well before then.
I wish I weren't speaking from personal experience.
I wish I weren't speaking from personal experience.
No, that's the usual WP version of "nice guys". Not the real deal.
_________________
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The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com
01 Mar 2014, 3:41 am
OliveOilMom
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Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Age: 61
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Location: About 50 miles past the middle of nowhere
01 Mar 2014, 3:57 am
leafplant wrote:
It's really quite simple
If you ask yourself: Self, do I regularly acknowledge and openly admit when I am in the wrong and cheerfully go about correcting myself? and you answer yes - you are a nice guy/gal
If the answer is anything other than an emphatic yes, you are not a nice person. That's pretty much all there is to it.
If you ask yourself: Self, do I regularly acknowledge and openly admit when I am in the wrong and cheerfully go about correcting myself? and you answer yes - you are a nice guy/gal
If the answer is anything other than an emphatic yes, you are not a nice person. That's pretty much all there is to it.
Also, there is the blaming everybody else for your failures thing too. The whole "He gets all the girls because he's a jerk and I don't get any because I'm a nice guy" thing gets tiring. For a group of people who are so supposedly entrenched in logic, that idea makes no sense at all. Jerks get girls because they have something going for them other than being a jerk. Nice guys get girls because they have something else going for them besides being nice. I've yet to meet somebody who was attracted to somebody, fell i love, married and stayed with a guy simply because he was nice. Or because he was a jerk. They all have something or other going for them that attracts that particular girl. Whatever it is may not attract the other girls, but it attracts the particular girl they are with.
One thing that people keep forgetting is charm. Charming doesn't mean smooth, it doesn't mean having a ton of lines or being able to dazzle her with conversational skills. Charm is actually founded in being nice, and except for pretty big masochists, even jerks have to be nice to the girl to get her to like and go out with them. It's listening to her, smiling at her, paying attention to what she says and to the little things. It's just endearing qualities, which every guy either has or can develop. Most have them but just don't know what they are or how to bring them out. Most here don't know what to emphasize.
Also, you have to be a graceful loser, at least in public. If the girl doesn't want you, don't pout and don't glare at the guy who she does want, don't get all hysterical or emotional or stalkerish or violent. Bow out gracefully and act like it's ok and that you let it go. While it won't make her want you, it might make some other girl on the sidelines who has been eyeing you that you didn't notice, bold enough to come and speak to you. Also, you get a reputation for not handling that well, and that gets around and scares girls off. Everybody loses. Not a guy on this planet can say he has always gotten every girl he ever wanted. Sure, you can go home and lose it in private, but you don't show that to anybody else.
"Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I'm going to go eat dirt" thing doesn't work at all, except maybe on Emo's.
_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.
The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com
01 Mar 2014, 4:13 am
01 Mar 2014, 4:19 am
OliveOilMom wrote:
sly279 wrote:
OliveOilMom wrote:
......An actual nice guy isn't forced into being one by other circumstances, he chooses to be one. An actual nice guy doesn't walk away from the obnoxious drunk in the bar because he knows he will get hurt, he walks away because it's the right thing to do. An actual nice guy takes a girl out for dinner and pays for it because he was the one who invited her and that's the polite thing to do and not because he wants her to think he's nice so she will put out at the end of the evening. An actual nice guy doesn't automatically hate any guy who is a jock, or successful, or better looking, or smoother, etc. An actual nice guy doesn't go out to show off his "niceness" to a girl in hopes that it will lure her into his lair. An actual nice guy tries to understand what other people are going through and feeling and doesn't just assume things and use them to grind that axe he's been grinding for the last 20 years.
And, an actual nice guy never thinks that a relationship didn't work because he was nice. He thinks it didn't work because they weren't compatable. A nice guy doesn't blame others successes for his failures. ......
.
so just a few things.
1. what if its both? I don't like violence(I'm capable of it if pushed into a corner or to defend another), but I don't like getting hurt. I avoid risky behaviors that will likely cause that. Such as my friends jumping off a house onto a trampoline. I keep aware of my surroundings and avoid unnecessary conflict.
2. I do so cause its what society says men are suppose to, though I also enjoy making her happy so if taking a girl out for dinner does so and i can afford it sure. Aren't we in a age though were it could be split, each pays for themselves? Certainly I'll still bring a rose those( attempt to make them smile and show that I'm find them interesting and attractive. Pink rose. yeah i did research into it, didn't want to portray the wrong thing and scare them away with a red rose.)
3.how do you know about my lair ? It was built in secret.
4. This can be different, some have rejected me cause we aren't compatible and they explian it, however some few have done it cause I'm nice(ie non violent, not aggressive, so no confident.) most are cause of looks and no full time job. The one girl i got the closet too, lied so much I'll never know the real reason, still talk to her and she still hurts me time to time.
as for jocks, I don't hate them, but we don't get along either. just different interests, and most of them are aggressive(sports are aggressive) and I'm not.
Guess i need to move my lair >.>
Bold doesn't work for me anymore, so I'm going to juts quote you and then answer you here. I have confidence you can figure out which statement I am answering.
I don't like violence either, although I'm good at it. Unfortunately I'm good at it because I had to be. I do avoid risky stuff as well. But the thing about walking away from the obnoxious guy at the bar is more about avoiding the violence than it is about "Oh God, she will see that he can kick my ass, so I'll make a show of being Mr Pacifist" which some actually, unfortunately, do do. Also, no trampolines! My youngest son broke his arm on one. You can break your neck! Are people just stupid doing that, jumping off a house onto it or are they drinking tequila or are they just rednecks? I don't know, but I wouldn't do that without tequila. Although it does kinda look fun.
One did ok, the other broke his leg. one time there was a bunch of angry guys yelling at us down the street and he was like i'm going go fight them. I was just like please don't that's so stupid of an ideal. I have strong urges to protect people. I suppose thats why I've always wanted to join the military or be a police officer. I've never been in a violent situation since school. Always been able to avoid them I guess. I also tend to keep my cool, I might get upset, stressed or scared, but I won't let that get me into attacking someone.
The dinner thing, well this goes across all gender lines ok? You invite somebody out for dinner and you pay, unless you tell them first "dutch treat". I recently took my best friend out for dinner at the Mexican place and then she took me out for lunch at the Chinese place. When I invited her, I knew without a doubt that I paid. She knew when she invited me, without a doubt, she paid. And a date is where you take the girl out and pay for what yall do. You are showing her your ability to provide, in a courting way, so to speak. As in "If I marry you, I can provide for you, things like General Tso's chicken and all."
my friends and I have always paid for our own food. one time i paid for a girl and she was going pay herself but I was like no i'll pay. I guess maybe that was a sign she didn't like me in that way. the problem is I'll never be the provider, so where does that leave me?
The lair, well Batman told me. Don't you ever tell this in public but me and Christian Bale are a THING ok? I love him. And you know what? He actually IS Batman! Shhhhh now. Although sometimes he's the guy in the Prestige and occasionally, on kinky nights, the guy from American Psycho, but usually he's Batman and HE TOLD ME! So hush your mouth about that!
but I had lex corp build it :O
The thing about being friends with jocks and other guys, see? You don't hold it against them. You are normal.
I suppose that had a lot to do with jocks never picked on me. if they had maybe i'd had a different view. I could have been a jock. The football coach wanted me, probably for tackling. Another one of those things i look back and say what if..
And move your lair, Batman will find it! Don't make me call all the Superfriends!
needs to be more girls with playful/silliness.Its a key attractor in personality for me. My first love was super playful.
But, you get it. You do. I so think you do. Thank you for getting it.
b*****s lie. Especially when we break up. The "It's not you, it's me" line came from us ok? Some women truly are b*****s though, and not the good kinda b***h like I am. We just want to get it over with. No, you do not have to be aggressive, unless of course both of you were mugged together on a street and you put your hands over your head, curled up in the fetal position and screamed "SPOON SPOON SPOON" or something else stupid like that. I don't know about your looks, post a pic. The job thing, well yeah that kinda gets girls when they are getting with you, cause it's a common thing for some guys to just get a girl and expect her to support him. Especially in the white trash faction that I'm in.
Being mugged has a lot of stuff that would change my reaction. depends on if i see it coming, how fast it happens, would reacting possible hurt my lady friend. I'd feel terrible if she got hurt over money. But he might kill us anyways. Most my planning is for me alone, so I don't know about with someone. I guess move to protect us while trying to put myself between the attacker and her. I've never heard of guys mooching off girls, just the other way around. I just want to share my love and make my gf happy and smile.
like this?
OliveOilMom wrote:
sly279 wrote:
OliveOilMom wrote:
I don't know how to fight, so I have tools to help me defend myself or others if need be. I did fight once kinda, but cause i was much bigger the guy was scared and ran. I guess one benefit to being big and tall is most people assume I'm able to kick their a** and leave me alone. I presume women would assume the same thing. I don't know though. I don't want to die and I'm kinda a coward maybe(though could just be from what my violent friend says) I would try to defend/save someone I guess if I do die doing so trying to save another is good. though one also has to worry about being sued here, so I have to weigh the situation.
I don't get dates cause I'm ugly and jobless. as a woman would you consider a season job a job?
it would seem to me though if my choices were A. woman who beats me or B. woman who doesn't beat me and everything else was the same I'd pick B. as for the rest yeah that's me, except doing as*hole things does cross my mine, i just don't act on them same as suicide thoughts. I imagine everyone thinks about being a as*hole time to time, like oh that guy pissed me off I could so do ____________ and _____________, but they don't. I have bunch of other good things but I wold think not hitting you or cheating on you would come into the thought processes , especially when most women start their profile with "where are the guys who don't cheat, aren't their any guys who don't cheat, wheres the nice guys, where are the honest old fashioned guys?"
I guess my issue with being nice is the guys who tell me that its wrong and you have to be a as*hole to get a woman.
Hope i don't Come across as a cyber beat down :S not my goal to bash you or judge you. I think there's just no clear term of "nice guy" and most people confuse it with nice guys, while really "nice guys" are liars, PUA's and a**holes?
so when I've been complimented as a nice guy my whole life then see people saying "nice guys" are bad, it feels like they mean me.
Can you please reformat this so I can answer it? I tried this way and it was too confusing to me. And why does bold work for you, but not for me, within quotes?
you highlight what you wrote first then click the bold B button.
01 Mar 2014, 4:43 am
OliveOilMom wrote:
leafplant wrote:
It's really quite simple
If you ask yourself: Self, do I regularly acknowledge and openly admit when I am in the wrong and cheerfully go about correcting myself? and you answer yes - you are a nice guy/gal
If the answer is anything other than an emphatic yes, you are not a nice person. That's pretty much all there is to it.
If you ask yourself: Self, do I regularly acknowledge and openly admit when I am in the wrong and cheerfully go about correcting myself? and you answer yes - you are a nice guy/gal
If the answer is anything other than an emphatic yes, you are not a nice person. That's pretty much all there is to it.
Also, there is the blaming everybody else for your failures thing too. The whole "He gets all the girls because he's a jerk and I don't get any because I'm a nice guy" thing gets tiring. For a group of people who are so supposedly entrenched in logic, that idea makes no sense at all. Jerks get girls because they have something going for them other than being a jerk. Nice guys get girls because they have something else going for them besides being nice. I've yet to meet somebody who was attracted to somebody, fell i love, married and stayed with a guy simply because he was nice. Or because he was a jerk. They all have something or other going for them that attracts that particular girl. Whatever it is may not attract the other girls, but it attracts the particular girl they are with.
One thing that people keep forgetting is charm. Charming doesn't mean smooth, it doesn't mean having a ton of lines or being able to dazzle her with conversational skills. Charm is actually founded in being nice, and except for pretty big masochists, even jerks have to be nice to the girl to get her to like and go out with them. It's listening to her, smiling at her, paying attention to what she says and to the little things. It's just endearing qualities, which every guy either has or can develop. Most have them but just don't know what they are or how to bring them out. Most here don't know what to emphasize.
Also, you have to be a graceful loser, at least in public. If the girl doesn't want you, don't pout and don't glare at the guy who she does want, don't get all hysterical or emotional or stalkerish or violent. Bow out gracefully and act like it's ok and that you let it go. While it won't make her want you, it might make some other girl on the sidelines who has been eyeing you that you didn't notice, bold enough to come and speak to you. Also, you get a reputation for not handling that well, and that gets around and scares girls off. Everybody loses. Not a guy on this planet can say he has always gotten every girl he ever wanted. Sure, you can go home and lose it in private, but you don't show that to anybody else.
"Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I'm going to go eat dirt" thing doesn't work at all, except maybe on Emo's.
first to both what if its not regularly but later on? everyone blames people time to time. and sometimes it is others fault.
as to the rest.
that for me has a lot to do with the women i see complain about the jerks, dump/get dumped/cheated on by the jerk, but then repeat it with another jerk. Now see that hundreds of times and I hope you can see why it might be seen as a logical pattern.
jerks tend to be nice at first, but once they have the girl they stop being nice. where as guys like me will remain nice. I always tried to make her happy and share her interests. "It's listening to her, smiling at her, paying attention to what she says and to the little things. " <--- I happen to really love doing that, I tried my hardest to remember everything, but I have memory problems thank goodness most my communications are text and i saved them, thus allowing me to remember a lot of it. Ive found most girls though won't talk about themselves or their days
I ask and all i get is a disappointing "it was ok" one time one girl told me all about her boring day, and what all she does. I really enjoyed listening to her, even though the tasks seem boring her passion for it was wonderful. at last like I said I've yet to find that in another girl. I thought women liked to come home and talk about their day ,but nope
I don't make public scenes, I act like it didn't bother me, go home and cry. "hysterical(depressed)" guilty later if they bring it up or are texting me saying they rejecting me or ask about it later. the one girl seems to like rubbing in that shes with someone else, one time admit-ed it. I've never stalked a woman o.O not if they tell me they not interested. now I messaged some that we'd talked for years and then suddenly just stopped talking to me with no warning. I tried to continue talking to them then ask why they weren't replying, spaced out message every 2 weeks. then after a few just gave up. If a woman tells me they want space for a set number of days I give them it. I'm very respectful when told whats going on. well no girl knows who I am even the ones I've talked to forget who i am. So nothing I do get around. downside is there's no girl watching me secretly wanting me. I was as invisible in high school as I am now 8 years later.
I get depressed especially right after being rejected. I go super emotional. if they ask me stuff, during this they will get a depressed reply. unfortunately when a girl rejects me sometimes they like lets be friends, and I'm too loyal to say no you being my friend is harmful to my health. I'm honest though and do tell them when they say something hurtful. also moderate emos are pretty :$
OliveOilMom
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Age: 61
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01 Mar 2014, 5:33 am
sly279 wrote:
OliveOilMom wrote:
leafplant wrote:
It's really quite simple
If you ask yourself: Self, do I regularly acknowledge and openly admit when I am in the wrong and cheerfully go about correcting myself? and you answer yes - you are a nice guy/gal
If the answer is anything other than an emphatic yes, you are not a nice person. That's pretty much all there is to it.
If you ask yourself: Self, do I regularly acknowledge and openly admit when I am in the wrong and cheerfully go about correcting myself? and you answer yes - you are a nice guy/gal
If the answer is anything other than an emphatic yes, you are not a nice person. That's pretty much all there is to it.
Also, there is the blaming everybody else for your failures thing too. The whole "He gets all the girls because he's a jerk and I don't get any because I'm a nice guy" thing gets tiring. For a group of people who are so supposedly entrenched in logic, that idea makes no sense at all. Jerks get girls because they have something going for them other than being a jerk. Nice guys get girls because they have something else going for them besides being nice. I've yet to meet somebody who was attracted to somebody, fell i love, married and stayed with a guy simply because he was nice. Or because he was a jerk. They all have something or other going for them that attracts that particular girl. Whatever it is may not attract the other girls, but it attracts the particular girl they are with.
One thing that people keep forgetting is charm. Charming doesn't mean smooth, it doesn't mean having a ton of lines or being able to dazzle her with conversational skills. Charm is actually founded in being nice, and except for pretty big masochists, even jerks have to be nice to the girl to get her to like and go out with them. It's listening to her, smiling at her, paying attention to what she says and to the little things. It's just endearing qualities, which every guy either has or can develop. Most have them but just don't know what they are or how to bring them out. Most here don't know what to emphasize.
Also, you have to be a graceful loser, at least in public. If the girl doesn't want you, don't pout and don't glare at the guy who she does want, don't get all hysterical or emotional or stalkerish or violent. Bow out gracefully and act like it's ok and that you let it go. While it won't make her want you, it might make some other girl on the sidelines who has been eyeing you that you didn't notice, bold enough to come and speak to you. Also, you get a reputation for not handling that well, and that gets around and scares girls off. Everybody loses. Not a guy on this planet can say he has always gotten every girl he ever wanted. Sure, you can go home and lose it in private, but you don't show that to anybody else.
"Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I'm going to go eat dirt" thing doesn't work at all, except maybe on Emo's.
first to both what if its not regularly but later on? everyone blames people time to time. and sometimes it is others fault.
Oh, everybody blames others for their own situation from time to time. Thats natural. What I'm talking about is a constant "I can't get dates because of jocks/jerks/alphas/etc" type mindset which you can see here on this forum fairly often. I don't remember you doing it though. Most of what I'm saying is to those kinds of guys here, although no matter how many times I've said it and others have said it to them, they never listen.
Holy pixals Batman! It actually worked doing it like that! I used to hit the b before I typed then hit it again after. They changed it and I didn't get the memo
as to the rest.
that for me has a lot to do with the women i see complain about the jerks, dump/get dumped/cheated on by the jerk, but then repeat it with another jerk. Now see that hundreds of times and I hope you can see why it might be seen as a logical pattern.
Yes but see, you can't tell if a guy is a jerk at first usually. You only know that after it's too late. And not every guy who fits the profile of the jerk, is a jerk. So, you have to take your chances. Then, some guys are jerks sometimes and other times aren't, and some are jerks about a few things but not about others, just like with girls. Not all girls are either great and wonderful or slu*ty gold digging b*****s. There is a whole bunch of in between there with girls. It really mainly comes down to who fits with who. The guy who might be a jerk in my book might be prince charming in another girls book, while my prince charming may be the biggest a**hole another girl has ever seen. So, it really just depends on the dynamic.
Then again, you'll see guys who say they can't even get to that stage cause they can't get a first date or a second date because other guys always get the girls instead so it's those guys faults and all the girls faults and no blame rests on them. My point with them is, if you keep trying and have never had a date, it's not everybody else, it's something you are doing wrong. Find out what it is, fix it or work around it the best you can. Most don't want to do that because it involves accepting responsibility for things.
jerks tend to be nice at first, but once they have the girl they stop being nice. where as guys like me will remain nice. I always tried to make her happy and share her interests. "It's listening to her, smiling at her, paying attention to what she says and to the little things. " <--- I happen to really love doing that, I tried my hardest to remember everything, but I have memory problems thank goodness most my communications are text and i saved them, thus allowing me to remember a lot of it. Ive found most girls though won't talk about themselves or their days
I ask and all i get is a disappointing "it was ok" one time one girl told me all about her boring day, and what all she does. I really enjoyed listening to her, even though the tasks seem boring her passion for it was wonderful. at last like I said I've yet to find that in another girl. I thought women liked to come home and talk about their day ,but nope Well honey, if girls don't talk about themselves or their days/mothers/jobs/periods/friends/hair/gossip/etc to you, then you have never met a Southern girl. Thats pretty much what most of us want to do; talk to our guy about things and have him listen. As for the remembering things, i don't mean remember everything. I mean remember that she once said she loves crab and never goes out to get crab so you surprise her with it. Or that she's always wanted to go skydiving but never found anybody to go with her. Or just some little statement made in passing that you file away and use to surprise her with later on. You do that kind of thing and trust me, she will do the same for you.
I don't make public scenes, I act like it didn't bother me, go home and cry. "hysterical(depressed)" guilty later if they bring it up or are texting me saying they rejecting me or ask about it later. the one girl seems to like rubbing in that shes with someone else, one time admit-ed it. I've never stalked a woman o.O not if they tell me they not interested. now I messaged some that we'd talked for years and then suddenly just stopped talking to me with no warning. I tried to continue talking to them then ask why they weren't replying, spaced out message every 2 weeks. then after a few just gave up. If a woman tells me they want space for a set number of days I give them it. I'm very respectful when told whats going on. well no girl knows who I am even the ones I've talked to forget who i am. So nothing I do get around. downside is there's no girl watching me secretly wanting me. I was as invisible in high school as I am now 8 years later.
How do you know you are invisible? Maybe the girl who likes you is invisible to you too! A lot of times you never, ever know that a girl likes you because she will tell her best friends, swear them to secrecy and then never tell you or give you a clue about it. She's waiting for you to give her a hint by flirting or something so she can flirt back. Most don't want to be the one to make the first move, although when I hit my late teens and early 20's, I didn't mind doing it and preferred to do it that way because all the cards are on the table then. I hate not knowing whats going on, so I'd rather just say "Hey, wanna go get some supper with me Friday? My treat" than have that agonizing time of wondering if this look he gave me meant this or that, and was that a flirt or not, etc. And the stalking, hysterical, etc thing wasn't directed at you, but I've read some doozies on here about reactions of guys who get dumped or rejected. It was more about those.
I get depressed especially right after being rejected. I go super emotional. if they ask me stuff, during this they will get a depressed reply. unfortunately when a girl rejects me sometimes they like lets be friends, and I'm too loyal to say no you being my friend is harmful to my health. I'm honest though and do tell them when they say something hurtful. also moderate emos are pretty :$
I can do the friends thing if it's a mutual rejection type thing, or if I wasn't all that into him to begin with, or if enough time has gone by. I'm still good friends with several ex boyfriends of mine. A couple of them are actually friends of the family and hang out with my husband from time to time. Honestly, those turn out to be good friends because they know me so well that I don't have to explain everything about myself to them.
This whole knowing how to do the bold thing now really rocks! I'm entirely too pleased over learning how to do it. Thank you for telling me!
_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.
The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com
OliveOilMom
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01 Mar 2014, 5:34 am
billiscool wrote:
nice guys(TM) are a myth.There just guys women find weird,and/or ugly.
I've known and dated some nice guys who weren't weird or ugly. Did you bother to read my definition of what an actual nice guy is, or are you just going on your own definition and I obviously must be wrong? I mean what the hell would I know about guys? i'm just a girl.
_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.
The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com
OliveOilMom
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Age: 61
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01 Mar 2014, 5:42 am
ezbzbfcg2 wrote:
You know, if I replied to you the way you reply to be, I'd probably get banned. So I'll keep this brief and civil.
Baby, you can talk to me any way you want. I'm fine with it. If somebody wants to ban you for it, tell them to ask me if it upset me before they do so. For real.
I never said anything of the kind. In fact, truth be told, I'm probably an as*hole. I never claimed to be a nice guy
You gave the impression of it. I'm not always right you know, and I'm aware of it. But to me, you gave that impression. If you aren't one, then I totally take it back and say my bad.
This just proves the point that I was trying to make. There seems to be this reflexive reaction on the part of a lot of women and some men to dump on and belittle the people who post about being nice guys. While criticism is fine, whenever I see these threads, I'm always amazed at how the fangs come out to attack the self-proclaimed nice-guys.
You didn't even follow my post. You just made an assumption about me being a nice guy, and then you did what is oh so common: you went into attack mode. And that's why I sympathize with some of the people on the nice guy threads. It seems like they're way too harshly judged and criticized (as you've so aptly demonstrated). Not much constructive advice is offered.
Baby, you can talk to me any way you want. I'm fine with it. If somebody wants to ban you for it, tell them to ask me if it upset me before they do so. For real.
OliveOilMom wrote:
Yep, you are one of those self professed nice guys. "I won't hit you, so why won't you love me?????" As if it were that simple. ]
I never said anything of the kind. In fact, truth be told, I'm probably an as*hole. I never claimed to be a nice guy
You gave the impression of it. I'm not always right you know, and I'm aware of it. But to me, you gave that impression. If you aren't one, then I totally take it back and say my bad.
OliveOilMom wrote:
And yes, my husband is an as*hole, but he's not a jock, he's somewhat of an alpha male (oh dear gods, shudder now) and he's gotten douchebaggy over the course of our marriage. So what? It works for us. I do love him more than anything but my kids, and I'd stick by him through anything, no matter what some wierd hormonal urges tell me.
Go on ahead and try and slice my theory to pieces, of course you will. You were rejected so therefore you were a nice guy, my marriage has some problems so therefore marriage sucks, etc, etc etc. It's an excuse to not try it on your own cause you are afraid of getting hurt.
Go on ahead and try and slice my theory to pieces, of course you will. You were rejected so therefore you were a nice guy, my marriage has some problems so therefore marriage sucks, etc, etc etc. It's an excuse to not try it on your own cause you are afraid of getting hurt.
This just proves the point that I was trying to make. There seems to be this reflexive reaction on the part of a lot of women and some men to dump on and belittle the people who post about being nice guys. While criticism is fine, whenever I see these threads, I'm always amazed at how the fangs come out to attack the self-proclaimed nice-guys.
You didn't even follow my post. You just made an assumption about me being a nice guy, and then you did what is oh so common: you went into attack mode. And that's why I sympathize with some of the people on the nice guy threads. It seems like they're way too harshly judged and criticized (as you've so aptly demonstrated). Not much constructive advice is offered.
I'm not attacking in the least. i'm far from angry or upset or trying to attack or be mean. I'm simply talking to you straight. This is how I talk. Yes, I can be all tactful and polite and try to say things gently but I can only keep it up for so long. With me, what you see (or read) is what you get. Ask anybody who talks to me away from the forum, this is just how I talk. I'm trying to get a point across about how people see themselves and the world and how it actually is, and because that's not liked, I must be attacking. But I'm not. When and if I attack, you'll know. Trust me on that one. As it is, I'm simply trying to have a discussion here. Sorry you took offense to my manner of speaking. But thats me.
_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.
The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com
OliveOilMom
Veteran
Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Age: 61
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,447
Location: About 50 miles past the middle of nowhere
01 Mar 2014, 5:52 am
I guess my bottom line is this. Guys who say "I can't get a date because I'm too nice, girls only like jerks" are wrong. It's impossible to not be able to get a date because you are too nice. The issue with the guy is something to do with him, other than being nice. And once you realize that, then you can find what the actual issue is and work on it, because there is something good in there that is being covered up and smothered by self pity, and that good thing needs to be nurtured and stregthened and brought out there so not only you can show it to girls and get dates, but so maybe you might make some girl happy by having her see it, get to know you and you actually be the "one true love" she's been looking for!
It's like a health food restaurant that only sells bean sprouts and bean sprouts only saying "We can't get customers because people only like McDonalds!" Then blaming McDonalds and then saying that people only want to get heart failure and fat. Well yeah, if all you are offering is sprouts, people are going to McDonalds. It's not McDonalds fault you are only selling sprouts and that most people don't just want a big plate of sprouts for lunch. Learn to make some other things and put them on the menu. It doesn't have to be a lot, just two or three good things. People will start coming in. While you may never reach as many customers as McDonalds does, you'll get enough to keep yourself in business.
Do you see what I'm saying?
Make a quesidilla or a vegetable lasagne or even some soup and put that out there. Because if people keep walking by the sprout place and not coming in, then it's sprouts that are the issue, not people's love of McDonalds. It takes some effort to learn to make something else, but unless you try it, you'll be sitting there in the kitchen alone with 200 lbs of sprouts.
_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.
The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com
01 Mar 2014, 6:27 am
01 Mar 2014, 9:25 am
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