Any tips on fighting infatuation?

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warsend
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04 Mar 2014, 5:14 pm

TornadoEvil wrote:
Blowing a hole in your brain is a sure-fire solution. Not an option for most people however and it might just render you a vegetable or with a different personality.

Seriously though, talking to people you know about it can help quite a bit, or at least give you some perspective.


this is true, I have a friend on facebook (NT) that I talk to about situations like this. There's been 2 girls I've talked to him about, he said both were bad news, chances are he's right. Your friends know you best so talk to them.

Especially online, most girls are 10/10 in peoples minds (because you like their looks and they have somewhat a personality). Chances are they have big flaws about them behind the scenes, not everyone does, just seems to be the case with me.



leafplant
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04 Mar 2014, 5:29 pm

MDD123 wrote:
I assessed these to be signs of interest:
1. A compliment:
"You don't look 30"
2. Inquiries:
"Do you have a date for the dining out?"
"Do you have a girlfriend"
3. Clarifications:
"My boyfriend... oh and we're not together anymore"
"I'm not getting back together with my husband when he gets out of prison"

We had a lengthy conversation about future plans. At a different point, I attempted to make small talk with her by telling her why my sister may have sounded mean when she picked up the phone. She did a "Bye, see you next time" (this was abrupt)

I actually bought a cellphone so I could talk to her and offered to do some documentation and inventorying for her. Positive responses so far. Then I asked her what she normally did during the week, no response.

That's where I'm at right now, and I'm not sure if I blew it or what. Story of my life.


Um, what this sounds to me is like some very low level flirting on her part and a bit of a creepy behaviour on your part. Going out of your way for someone like that - buy a cell phone to speak to her only and offering to do stuff for her and asking her what she did during the week?! is a bit creepy. Unless you meant your sister? Also this thing about your sister makes no sense to me. Who was abrupt? What does it matter?

It's very standard for aspergers people to have no clue about the boundaries and levels. Like it is complete mystery to you why what you did may seem creepy but if someone was offering to do stuff for me and asking me what I did during the week rather than just asking if I wanted to grab a coffee some time would sound like they were fixing to stalk me.

So she has a boyfriend and a husband in prison. Maybe she has a child too and that's why she didn't want to answer what she does during the week.

Perhaps you should keep looking, you know. Not every flirtation should turn into something more.



MDD123
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04 Mar 2014, 6:39 pm

leafplant wrote:
MDD123 wrote:
I assessed these to be signs of interest:
1. A compliment:
"You don't look 30"
2. Inquiries:
"Do you have a date for the dining out?"
"Do you have a girlfriend"
3. Clarifications:
"My boyfriend... oh and we're not together anymore"
"I'm not getting back together with my husband when he gets out of prison"

We had a lengthy conversation about future plans. At a different point, I attempted to make small talk with her by telling her why my sister may have sounded mean when she picked up the phone. She did a "Bye, see you next time" (this was abrupt)

I actually bought a cellphone so I could talk to her and offered to do some documentation and inventorying for her. Positive responses so far. Then I asked her what she normally did during the week, no response.

That's where I'm at right now, and I'm not sure if I blew it or what. Story of my life.


Um, what this sounds to me is like some very low level flirting on her part and a bit of a creepy behaviour on your part. Going out of your way for someone like that - buy a cell phone to speak to her only and offering to do stuff for her and asking her what she did during the week?! is a bit creepy. Unless you meant your sister? Also this thing about your sister makes no sense to me. Who was abrupt? What does it matter?

It's very standard for aspergers people to have no clue about the boundaries and levels. Like it is complete mystery to you why what you did may seem creepy but if someone was offering to do stuff for me and asking me what I did during the week rather than just asking if I wanted to grab a coffee some time would sound like they were fixing to stalk me.

So she has a boyfriend and a husband in prison. Maybe she has a child too and that's why she didn't want to answer what she does during the week.

Perhaps you should keep looking, you know. Not every flirtation should turn into something more.


Ok, I was trying to show interest, not stalk her. Asking her out seemed like it would be too strong of a move, asking get to know you questions seemed like a subtler approach; especially since she asked me the same question. Knowing what she does would've given me a chance to talk to move the conversation to her and not just me all the time.


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leafplant
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04 Mar 2014, 6:53 pm

I totally get where you are coming from, I am sure I do the same things, but I also come over as weird all the time. Perhaps it's better to ask open ended questions that are obviously about just trying to make conversation? I used to try really really hard to mask the fact that I was just making conversation because I thought that would seem rude, but in fact, I was coming over too intense and putting people off. :roll:

Nowadays when I ask a question and people give me a funny look I just shrug and actually say stuff like, I am just trying to make conversation, and if they seem interested in talking to me, I follow it up with, so what would you like to talk about instead. This happens even with people I've known for years and talk to all the time. I still find chit chat incredibly complicated and tedious. If you are a guy it must be even more difficult, because some women expect to be asked questions all the time and then clam up. I also find this with other women. Bah.

Good luck for the future at any rate.