He sounds like he could very well have ASD to me--at the very least, he sounds extremely similar to one of my parents, who, if not ASD, has some other type of neurological difference. The overspending (especially on others or things that fit his special interests), making friends with members of the opposite sex but rarely dating them, obliviousness to social niceties like hygiene and not smelling like you're drunk around others, the negative worldview and tendency to criticize those who are not in his (very small) circle of intimates...
It also sounds to me like what would be best for you is to find therapy and explore a possible diagnosis for yourself--focus on him second! That might sound heartless, but you can't make decisions that will serve you (and him) well in the long run if you're coming from a place of uncertainty and insecurity. Don't let him guilt you into--and don't let your own desire to belong or be with someone pull you into--overstepping your own boundaries, either. If the sex life isn't one you want, if you feel confused by him often, acknowledge and own those feelings, and work out internal boundaries to honor yourself. He's okay; he didn't have a girlfriend for ages and he managed. The important thing here is for *you* to make sure you know where you stand and that *you* can manage. Acknowledge the worries you're feeling about yourself--they're the ones you can do the most to manage! Strengthen and honor yourself and your feelings and concerns about your own ASD, and you'll have a lot more resources from which to draw in your relationship or in future relationships.
28 Mar 2014, 1:34 pm
