the jerk double standard

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I personally don't think it's fun to act the jerk.

I'd rather caress ladies than fight with them.

I like that little giggle, that witty wink. That sort of subtlety is so appealing!

I like to watch a lady brush her hair 100 times.

My opinion, don't try to make sense out of nonsense.

Hint: The only way to pull off the "I came over here to eat dinner, not to do dishes" line with a woman who is WORTH BEING WITH is to be actually doing the dishes when you say it. Otherwise it's pure chauvinism, and that doesn't tend to play well with a woman of intelligence and spirit.

eureka, you are always a welcome breath of fresh air in any conversation i'm having.

I would certainly think you are absolutely right. Like I said, doing so was counterintuitive. But, it worked like a charm. She was of average intelligence and was not what I would call a life learner. However, she was very spirited and outspoken - she really liked playful banter with a sharp edge. Initially, she was distant, complaining I was too complicated and too serious. As soon as I proved my worthiness as a jerk, she warmed up. That was about ten years ago. I got a job far across the country, so the relationship ended and she found another guy. If I'd stayed around, we might still be together. Oh, well.

Post edit: BTW, I didn't need to be a jerk all day every day. One good jerkish stunt every few days kept her tank full. If you've done differential equations, being a jerk is like using a Laplace Transform - you aren't quite sure how or why it works, but with enough experience and success, you do it with confidence.

Oh, that's intreresting. I've been thinking it was ahand.

Let's not turn this into a game or a flame fest. I think we are all equally amazed by the phenomena. I certainly wonder why it happens and I have my theory, but I'm still amazed.

I was quoting an expression from Sherlock Holmes meaning it has become interesting.

I understand. It is very interesting. I found out I'm autistic about two years ago. And, I dated her about ten years ago. Until now, I hadn't thought through that particular time in my life, with regard to autism. I hope I don't conclude that I'm at my romantic best when I'm trying to do my worst. But, that seems a distinct possibility. I wonder if she mistook my lack of non-verbal communication for some sort of arrogance which complimented the jerkish stunts - aloof arrogance seems to generally coincide with being a jerk. Some of my girlfriends have complained about a general lack of passion in our relationships, passion which is predominately non-verbal. Well, here I go. I'll be analyzing this for the next week.

Chicks don't dig jerks. What women appreciate is a guy with balls who isn't a pushover lapdog, who can stand up for himself and occasionally to her if she gets too comfortable making demands. Some men don't know how to say no, and that is the single most unappealing trait a man can have. So the nice guy jerk is a jerk who can't say no to her, or to his urge to be a jerk to women like all of his heroes who get the ladies. What's worse than that?

Also, jerks who have confidence are rarely boring. Especially in this day and age, when everything and everyone is competing for people's attention, to rarely be boring is worth its weight in gold, not just in relationships.

Now how is this thread any different from the other 10000000000000 Nice/Jerk threads?

I'll mention the elusive "assertive-guy" to make it different. He's sorta a cross between the nice-guy(passive) and the jerk-guy(aggressive).

So if me and you have sex together, our offspring would be an assertive species?

First, of course, maybe he's not a jerk. The observing, envious male just thinks he is.

Second, I think Hale_Bopp makes good points. It simply isn't a double standard.

Third, this plays out much less in real life than it does in film or tv. It's an appealing story, flattering to the egos of men who are having trouble getting a date.

I will build on that, and say the assertive guy makes up, if not most men, then is the largest group of men. He's just getting on with his life, not entering into the jerk paradigm, propped up as it is by the Jerk and the Nice Guy. The assertive guy has a sense of what he wants. This makes him a lot more pleasant and easy to deal with than the timid guy, whose wants and interests his (potential) partner has to try and imagine so she can take them into account, which is quite exhausting.

The Nice Guy divides men - if not humanity - into Jerk and Nice Guy. So, anyones who's not a Nice Guy is, to them, a Jerk. Nice Guys are failed Jerks.



http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp6057751 ... t=#6057751



The challenge - I can see that. I see it in how some men approach women, too.

The boredom - certainly this is common across much human endeavour. Human desires thing --> human gets thing --> human comes to feel oddly hollow and disatisfied --> if human has insight, said human will realise what they desired was not the thing, but the desire for the thing and the efforts to attain it.



It isn't. But Nice Guys are obssessed with Jerks.

I disagree. A lot of jerks are lacking in emotional sensitivity and even basic curiosity about the world outside themselves. They have s**t taste and don't care about anything that isn't about numero uno or getting ahead. They can't have an intellectually stimulating conversation because all they want to talk about is themselves. This makes them simple-minded and boring. A woman who finds them interesting is probably equally boring and shallow. There's no reason to be envious unless you really want nothing but a boring shallow woman who might happen to be physically attractive but have little else of value. To be jealous shows you to be shallow yourself because you're valuing those shallow traits. You're objectifying women you really wouldn't like as a person. Even if you could "get" them, they would be a sex object to you if you don't actually agree with their personality or values.

Why not look for someone you can appreciate as a human being for a partner? Why not look for women who aren't shallow? They exist. Trying to imitate stupid "alpha" males isn't going to turn you into a magnet anyways. It will just turn off other women who might have been compatible if you had just acted like yourself minus the bitterness.

Anyways, I agree with cubedemon6073. I'm not anti-sex. I just think sex should be about mutual intimacy and affection, not some rite of passage ritual or trophy to be earned. I think people just need to get away from the media koolaid. It's horrible being lonely, but internalizing toxic ideas will only isolate you more. What you see on television gives a false impression about the world, but if you're socially isolated that's all you really see. I don't bother watching TV for this reason. It's just depressing. It isn't the real world anyways. It's entertainment. It's garbage. There's more out there. Just try and look for some people who are "real". Look for interesting people and try to get to know them as human beings. A real relationship is more likely to come out of that than pretending to be an "alpha" out of bitterness. The latter is just stupid because people will see through the act eventually anyways. So what if you're not a "smooth talker", it's better to just accept yourself and work on the things you're good at.