Another one flaked.

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You answered that 9 words into your first post.

Enigma?

What would that reason be? That she initiated the contact? Actually, if a woman initiates contact with a guy, rather than the other way round, I would normally consider that a sign that she's interest enough to want to meet him if it get's to that point. Why? Because usually, they never initiate contact and usually wait for men to initiate contact with them. Therefore, my reasoning is that on the rare occasions that they do initiate contact, it's either because they're not getting any initial messages from men and the ones they do get are all of the non sensible variety, or that something has interested her enough about the guy that has motivated her enough to initiate the contact. In fact, it seems to be a far higher show of interest than when most men initiate contact because guys compensate for their lack of getting responses, as well as hardly ever receiving initial messages simply by messaging more and more women at once until at at least one of them responds.

umm.. no.

You're reading into it too much. Women sometimes do that, but it might just be for small talk to mention something on your profile. Every attempt at talking to someone, for women, on dating sites, does not scream "I want to date you".

Because you're serious about actually meeting people from there doesn't mean that they are, and most of them aren't.

I've sort of half arsed told guys I would be interested to meet them at some stage (Which I am), but I don't actually care whether it happens or not.

Did you read the whole op? What you are saying is totally irrelevant to his story.

If you have a lack of interest, you don't set a date or if interest is lost just before the date a text would solve the problem instead of making fool of him like this.

Agreed.

Hale_bopp, if she didn't want to meet and dating wasn't her intention, then she should of been honest with me about that from the start instead of actually agreeing to meet. How would you feel if you had agreed to a date with a guy and then he never pitches?

I have tried online dating. To me, it only has two viable purposes:

1) To enable people who don't have much of an opportunity to socialise and mingle (e.g. single mothers) to make contact with people.
2) To provide a bit of dating experience.

I don't believe they are terribly effective in the long run for younger people who don't have kids.

Guys outnumber girls considerably on dating sites, so you will be lucky to get a reply, let alone a date. You can make *some* progress by filling out your profile and by sending a message that shows you took the time to read theirs, but even if you do everything "right", it's still a numbers game. Obviously I can't speak for girls, but I imagine they have the opposite problem in finding it hard to find Mr Right amid the "alright darlin, you is hot innit, here's a pic of my penis".

When I tried online dating, I found that it encouraged the wrong mentality. I had to settle for whatever reasonably good looking girl would reply to my messages and eventually agree to meet up, then focus on whatever "tactics" it took to keep her interested. Whether or not she was really a match for me was a secondary consideration, so of course, it was always short-lived.

The other problem I found was that it encouraged me to overthink the whole process, which is a common problem for us Aspy types. The "dating game" is fraught with enough illogical rules as it is, and doing it online sends it into overdrive because it is so tough just to get a reply. In the end it is just not worth the effort.

Ironically, this was all a good thing for my personal development, because it highlighted how silly and irrational the so-called "rules" of dating are. If you want to learn the "rules" then you have to accept a lot things the way they are, even if there is no logical justification, or if the purported justification is flimsy, and that's just annoying. Indeed, I found a lot of the rationalisations were based on (supposedly) outmoded gender stereotypes, e.g. "the man should pay for all the dates because HE'S THE MAN!!!11", and I resented being pressured to back down to other people's silliness.

Honestly mate, you're better off working on yourself. Take care of the big things (job, diet, exercise) and the little things will start to take care of themselves. Flaking will never stop being annoying, but it will happen to you less often so it won't be such a big deal. Sod online dating. Just my humble opinion

And that right there is the sort of thing that makes me lose all faith in humanity. I remember you posting about that date and, from the way you describe it, I actually thought you might have won the OKC lottery. Apparently not! I'm very sorry to hear this, GiantHockeyFan!

People say I'm cynical to mistrust others so much and to practically expect them to be unreliable until proven otherwise, but how can I not, when this sort of thing happens? Not just in online dating, which I have no experience with, but in life in general (though it does seem to happen especially often in online dating).

Thanks. Whenever I try to talk to someone about this, they love to go "it's all in your attitude!" Well, I went in with an open mind to online dating and it has been a monumental failure. It just seems like nobody has any respect or honour anymore: I don't mind if they aren't attracted, if I'm not macho enough or that I am a freak but don't BS me around like that! I really thought this girl was different: she seemed genuine and we hit it off and just out of the blue she stopped communicating. Maybe she found a boyfriend (unlikely) but she could at least send a polite thank you note.

Even in real life this girl I thought was a dream catch who was flirty, friendly and really asking me serious questions (and coworkers told me WAS checking me out as I suspected) turned into a total rude, condescending bee itch once I tried to ask her about her interests and when I went to ask her out to an activity she likes said rudely "you can go but I won't be there" WTF?? Does nobody have basic manners anymore? Are all single women really that unreliable and cruel? I am keeping my profile up but only so decent women (if they exist) can see I am available and single in real life (since I am easy to spot) and will not waste my time and energy on dating or pursuing girls anymore. I spotted a couple more OKCupid girls in real life recently and I really wanted to approach them and say "are you really that nasty in real life too?"

Just for a last ditch effort I decided to look at my top 30 matches and see which ones were worth contacting that I had not contacted before. Total number? 0. If it wasn't for the fact I don't want to give away my identity publicly I would post some of the utterly generic and cliché ridden laundry lists almost all girls profiles are. This last girl was an exception but turns out just as flaky and unreliable as everyone else I have (tried to) meet. Lest you say the girls were not interesting in meeting EVERY SINGLE ONE of them agreed to a first date and only three of ten actually showed up without cancelling or disappearing.

That doesn't work. I've done that my whole life and I've never gotten a date as a result of it. Honestly, the most success I've had was from online dating.

That's totally true, that's due to the lack of options (due to gender ratio) - I found myself going for datws with whoever showed the slightest interest - hoping that she might be a good match - despite the red flags that I chose to overlook.
This one of the reasons why I've disabled my okc and not going there again any soon.

You don't hae a job Jono, and are you still overweight?

You should focus on those matters, forget Okc.

I've got a job trying to complete my PhD. I can't afford to have a full time job if takes time away from my studies, that's why I've got bursaries and scholarships. I can only either be a research assistant or a tutor, and only have a full time job once I get my degree, and it will still only be about research and possibly lecturing. Besides, everyone else I know who is doing the same thing as I am have already gotten married, you haven't explained to me why that is. And no, I'm not overweight.

It's either AS or they found their partners through better means, I don't know.
my advice isn't a guarantee for anything but it's probably a better investment for time, other than that, I dunno .

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Last edited by sly279 on 29 May 2014, 2:48 am, edited 1 time in total.

^ because they are easiest things to start with. And no oned talked about six packs.

Jeez, you are dramatic too, like the other dramatic member in other thread.