Why desperation is not really a turn off.

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So, Aaendi, who in your situation comes across as desperate, you or the other party?

I'm confused so only 2- 3 texts a day?

I don't understand dating rules, I been told to wait for few hours after getting a message to look busy or distant. so should i wait over night after 3 texts?
I also don't know when to take it from texting to meeting up for a date. Should I be distant and talk less on a date like with texting?

Actually, most of the time it is the cause. You are not thinking in a web, but a line. Life isnt that simple.

A "turn off" would be causing someone who was initially attracted to not be attracted. If they never were attracted in the first place but decided to respond just to be nice, it's not a turn off. If they message you for a while because they want attention but aren't actually interested in a relationship, and then suddenly decide to stop responding, they weren't turned off. Girls on dating sites will message you just for attention and then suddenly stop for no reason.

I don't need clarification, I know what he means. Hence my comment about his linear way of thinking, he isn't considering guys who don't even get a first date because they're desperate etc, only desperados wanting a second one. A girl might be reasonably attracted, and she might be too busy to remember to respond for a few days. He might be a desperado, and push her away when he still might have had a chance.

Think outside the box. Life isn't that simple.

As far as dating sites go, I'm pretty sure if someone is mildly interested then gets spammed with messages she/he would get pushed away.

The world isn't separated into 100% interested and 100% not.

The thing about desperation, is that there is no ultimate "true" level of it. Every person is different and has as well different needs about the desperation a potential partner needs.

So the thing is not about what true level of desperation you "should" have, but simply to find someone that naturally matches with your need of it. Someone being totally desperate and wanting to spend every minute with his partner and texting 80 times a day and calling about every s**t issue (^^), will be totally happy with someone having the same needs, and feeling totally comfortable with it. But will be an huge turn off, for someone simply having another need of amount of desperation.

There is no "right amount of desperate emotion". There is simply people fitting well with each other and their needs, and people not doing so.

The only thing that you can do wrong on that, is to simply declare your personal need of desperate feelings as "the ultimate correct level" and then try to manipulate others to think that their personal needs would be incorrect or whatever. If someone does not meet your need of desperate feelings, its not because their level of desperate feelings would be wrong, but simply because you dont fit well to each other as the persons that you are.

I think a lot of people view desperation of something radically different from what I meant when i first made the comment in a different thread. A lot of the men in here seem to ooze desperation, from every pour in there body and with every morsel of sweat they produce when the poor buggers try comes with it the stench of desperation but I am not sorry for this universal truth, desperation in men just as in women is an unattractive trait. Its the patronising, condescending, cheap and cheesy tone they have that makes a hell of a lot of the men here seem desperate. It is not the fact that they are trying to contact someone x times a day and what not. Happy to have opened this can of worms though and well I was right all along really. Women don't really exist, what we have is varying different individual females who should be treat and respected (or disrespected as the case may be) as individuals.

No, you're simplifying. You're thinking in terms of your experience and applying it to every single case. Not every guy is like the ones you've experienced and were turned off by, and not every girl is like you. For a lot of guys the fear of being desperate causes them to neglect a chance. Waiting for days or weeks because she hasn't responded is a bad idea if she forget where the conversation stopped and was in reality waiting for you to respond. Also, sometimes a woman will stop responding or lose interest for a reason that has nothing to do with the guy doing something wrong. They just lose interest and there's nothing you can do about it. Not every guy loses because they're desperate. Some are in reality too shy and stop perusing because they're afraid of appearing desperate.

Er, no I'm not. Those things have never happened to me. How is it personal experience?

I didn't say or imply there weren't other circumstances to what I stated. It was an example. His was a single circumstance.

I was pretty desperate when I got with my current girlfriend & she was somewhat desperate too & we both love each other so it works for us. Different people can have very different personalities within a relationship thou. Lots probably think of relationship desperate along the lines of being needy, clingy & dependent & people like that like me & my girlfriend would be incompatible with people who aren't.

I think desperation is being confused with ambition here. Desperate people are simply less selective/discreet. Ambitious people actively look for something, and know what they want, so they put more effort in.

Clingy people constantly look for attention, which is different from above.

OP has abandoned the thread, it seems. Not desperate to respond to questions?

Desperation is a huge turnoff for me, especially if I am on the fence about someone. I have no idea why this is, but it just really makes me uncomfortable. It could possibly be an insecurity on my part.

Insecurity is probably some of why I like desperation; I feel/hope I'll get more of a chance.