Anybody ever had sex as a special interest?

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In the context of trying to make the experience the best you can for your partner, yes. But not at first. At first I was more selfish. It was something that developed as a way of expressing affection & that they really mattered.

I think nobody is understanding what I'm asking - probably I'm not being clear.

What I wanted to know is specifically if this is or has been a special interest for anyone. Such that you were obsessed with learning the technique and how to make another person "happy," but it was all about your special interest and not the other person. Kind of like you want to know how to please somebody else becasue you want to know how, not because you are emotionally invested in that person's happiness. Does that make sense?

We are understanding you but I think we all had our own things to say as well.

To answer your question specifically for myself, yes at one point in time this was a special interest of mine that I obsessed over for my own purposes. And then it become something that was used to make others happy. I haven't admitted this yet (something for the whisper app) but I spent months and months extensively researching the female anatomy (even after having had sex many times) for my own interests.

okay, so here's the thing

sex because you dig it: very often a good thing for the lady, assuming you're paying attention to her.

sex because you're running an experiment to see if you can make the lady do something because you're following a dance chart for the tongue on her clit: you know, it's not like we don't know what you're doing. and it's not so much fun. In fact, it's kind of annoying, because at that point you've stopped paying attention to the person you supposedly wanted to get down with, and are all wrapped up in your technique and what's supposed to happen next. It's especially annoying if the woman's telling you what she actually wants, or isn't enjoying what you're doing, and you've got it fixed in your mind that if you just do it more, or harder, or faster, it'll work, because it said in the thing that this works.

I don't see anything wrong in indulging an obsessive research interest in this stuff so long as you understand that most of it has little to do with actual feeling good, and that what you're reading is anatomy and/or sociological whosis. Also, keep it to yourself unless your girlfriend's a serious nerd, because the risk of freaking her out's a little high.

Honestly, I don't think it would be healthy as a special interest.

Maybe not, but when has that ever stopped anyone?

I realize it isn't always in your control, but to the extent you can keep it from developing into a special interest, I would.

Oh no, it's not me. It's a character I'm writing. No actual people will be harmed.

Oh, that is good. Can you see all the reasons I think it would work out poorly, though?

In more direct answer to the question, I think it is more common for a person to become the special interest, than sex itself. Although that is a disaster, too.

Yes, I can see all the reasons why you would think that and that's a great point, I might use that!

It makes sense. While it's never been a truly obsessive special interest, I have wanted to improve my skills in this area because I wanted to know how, and to please, and have succeeded with that many times over w/o having any emotional investment in my partner's happiness.

In the grand scheme of life, though, sex is just.. sex. Eventually I'd prefer to be with someone I was emotionally invested in for the long run.

And yes, I agree that it's more likely to make someone a special interest vs. sex itself - i.e. my long running crush on my crush. I still feel just as strongly about him, but over the last several months I have refrained from reminding him so as not to be annoying. Maaaaaaaaybe someday the stars will align and we'll be together, maybe not. In the meantime I have plenty of other things to focus my attention on, i.e. health/fitness/work/finances and so on - all of which ought to have the added bonus of making me a more attractive potential partner either to him, or someone like him.

If you ever marry him, I want to come to the wedding!

That just made me smile big time! Seriously. Thanks for that!