FelisIndagatricis wrote:
Yes to what DW_a_mom and lotusblossom said about self-defense and perceived unlovability. I have a friend who flips back and forth from spouting these extreme romantic fantasies about his unattainable crushes to saying that he wouldn't want to compromise in a relationship even to change the position of his couch. Guess what, he's still single.
Back to the original scenario with JP88 at 16. If your friend was 20 and beautiful, then she already had some experience with letting a good guy down easy. A common way to reject a guy nicely is to point out some socially acceptable barrier to the proposed relationship.
"That's so sweet, but ...
... I have a boyfriend."
... we're interested in such different things."
... I'm going to college in another state."
... there's this age difference."
It sounds like she values you deeply as a friend, but you need to wean yourself off this crush. She let you down years ago, and now she's getting married. On the bright side, having a desirable woman as a friend can help when you're trying to attract other women. As in, "Hey, that beautiful, intelligent, and confident woman in a stable marriage thinks JP88 is pretty cool. That tells me he's less likely to be a weird stalker and probably has some great qualities. Maybe I should get to know him better."
Well I would say I'm past the crush, it's just that when you see the endgame, you think back and go "Man I wonder if it could have been me." So that's why I was upset over it. She isn't really close to me anymore, obviously, since I haven't seen her in a while, and she actually lives a couple hours away now but just getting that hug felt great and bad at the same time. I mean she came over to me and hugged me after not seeing me in a while, so that has to count for something. Yes she also could have just been being friendly, which I probably think was the case, but man it was tough to think about it after.
05 Jun 2014, 11:54 am
