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Engaged!! ! But in-laws don't like me.

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The_Face_of_Boo
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05 Jun 2014, 6:02 am

^ India or Middle East?



Acedia
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05 Jun 2014, 9:54 am

Penandinkmarie wrote:
he's super high-functioning


No such thing. Think NT with subclinical traits. About your fiance's parents, just accept it. I would. It doesn't matter.

---



Toy_Soldier
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05 Jun 2014, 10:02 am

Acedia wrote:
Penandinkmarie wrote:
he's super high-functioning


No such thing. Think NT with subclinical traits.
---


Not so. She's comparing apples to apples. You are comparing apples to oranges.

But to the OP, just as your future inlaws are not dealing well with cultural difference, so here too there is probably some of that going on. The meaning of things is different in different societies, so some are likely just misunderstanding the situation.



Penandinkmarie
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05 Jun 2014, 10:32 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
^ India or Middle East?


Middle East. hehe but the modern kind?. whatever that means?.just not the super rigid society. A more lax one.



The_Face_of_Boo
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05 Jun 2014, 11:51 am

Penandinkmarie wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
^ India or Middle East?


Middle East. hehe but the modern kind?. whatever that means?.just not the super rigid society. A more lax one.


I was 200% certain that you are either Middle-eastern or Indian, notice how I didn't leave a room for any third option.

Modern my @$$ :lol: ! ! I can't determine which country exactly, doesn't matter, the fiance custom, your family interference, your way of reasoning and your way of valuing gifts are all unmistakably middle-eastern/Indian things.



DW_a_mom
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05 Jun 2014, 12:37 pm

Penandinkmarie wrote:
Thanks everyone for your replies?.

But for the record, I'm NOT materialistic?..I actually LOVED the earrings, but then I came home and my dad is like, "What!? That's what they gave you?? Those are for babies!" etc?..and yeah in our culture it's customary to give the future bride a super expensive (lavish) gift?.apparently?and if they don't or give something super crappy it's seen like an insult to the family?.Especially if the families are well off as ours are?again?.just a fact, not showing off or something. Just trying to understand why they don't like me.

ANYWAYS, my fiancé knows his family and he actually doesn't really like the way they are either?.other people can back me up on this too?I think it's more b/c I'm an "outsider" not 100% from this culture so they see me as "lesser" b/c I don't know their customs, etc?..


You know, if your father wants to fight that fight with them, you can't stop him, but don't let EITHER set of parents ruin your happiness.

It DOES NOT MATTER how the future in-laws see you. Please don't let yourself get wrapped up in that, and please don't let your parents get you wrapped up in their way of seeing things. ALL THAT MATTERS is what you have with your fiancé. Be deaf to anything else.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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05 Jun 2014, 1:03 pm

DW_a_mom wrote:
Penandinkmarie wrote:
Thanks everyone for your replies?.

But for the record, I'm NOT materialistic?..I actually LOVED the earrings, but then I came home and my dad is like, "What!? That's what they gave you?? Those are for babies!" etc?..and yeah in our culture it's customary to give the future bride a super expensive (lavish) gift?.apparently?and if they don't or give something super crappy it's seen like an insult to the family?.Especially if the families are well off as ours are?again?.just a fact, not showing off or something. Just trying to understand why they don't like me.

ANYWAYS, my fiancé knows his family and he actually doesn't really like the way they are either?.other people can back me up on this too?I think it's more b/c I'm an "outsider" not 100% from this culture so they see me as "lesser" b/c I don't know their customs, etc?..


You know, if your father wants to fight that fight with them, you can't stop him, but don't let EITHER set of parents ruin your happiness.

It DOES NOT MATTER how the future in-laws see you. Please don't let yourself get wrapped up in that, and please don't let your parents get you wrapped up in their way of seeing things. ALL THAT MATTERS is what you have with your fiancé. Be deaf to anything else.


If it wasn't a major issue for her, she wouldn't create a thread about it.



DW_a_mom
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05 Jun 2014, 1:43 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
Penandinkmarie wrote:
Thanks everyone for your replies?.

But for the record, I'm NOT materialistic?..I actually LOVED the earrings, but then I came home and my dad is like, "What!? That's what they gave you?? Those are for babies!" etc?..and yeah in our culture it's customary to give the future bride a super expensive (lavish) gift?.apparently?and if they don't or give something super crappy it's seen like an insult to the family?.Especially if the families are well off as ours are?again?.just a fact, not showing off or something. Just trying to understand why they don't like me.

ANYWAYS, my fiancé knows his family and he actually doesn't really like the way they are either?.other people can back me up on this too?I think it's more b/c I'm an "outsider" not 100% from this culture so they see me as "lesser" b/c I don't know their customs, etc?..


You know, if your father wants to fight that fight with them, you can't stop him, but don't let EITHER set of parents ruin your happiness.

It DOES NOT MATTER how the future in-laws see you. Please don't let yourself get wrapped up in that, and please don't let your parents get you wrapped up in their way of seeing things. ALL THAT MATTERS is what you have with your fiancé. Be deaf to anything else.


If it wasn't a major issue for her, she wouldn't create a thread about it.


It sounds like her parents instigated her concerns and, of course, after hearing that from them she would want to receive more opinions on how to react. Isn't a little confusion natural given we are talking about social rules and implications here? As a parent, what we tell our ASD kids is to NOT BE AFRAID TO ASK. Get clarification instead of allowing something to simmer and end up in an inappropriate conclusion. So, she has asked and we have all given our opinions. Figuring out whose opinion and advice applies best to her situation is up to her.


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Penandinkmarie
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06 Jun 2014, 1:34 am

DW_a_mom wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
Penandinkmarie wrote:
Thanks everyone for your replies?.

But for the record, I'm NOT materialistic?..I actually LOVED the earrings, but then I came home and my dad is like, "What!? That's what they gave you?? Those are for babies!" etc?..and yeah in our culture it's customary to give the future bride a super expensive (lavish) gift?.apparently?and if they don't or give something super crappy it's seen like an insult to the family?.Especially if the families are well off as ours are?again?.just a fact, not showing off or something. Just trying to understand why they don't like me.

ANYWAYS, my fiancé knows his family and he actually doesn't really like the way they are either?.other people can back me up on this too?I think it's more b/c I'm an "outsider" not 100% from this culture so they see me as "lesser" b/c I don't know their customs, etc?..


You know, if your father wants to fight that fight with them, you can't stop him, but don't let EITHER set of parents ruin your happiness.

It DOES NOT MATTER how the future in-laws see you. Please don't let yourself get wrapped up in that, and please don't let your parents get you wrapped up in their way of seeing things. ALL THAT MATTERS is what you have with your fiancé. Be deaf to anything else.


If it wasn't a major issue for her, she wouldn't create a thread about it.


It sounds like her parents instigated her concerns and, of course, after hearing that from them she would want to receive more opinions on how to react. Isn't a little confusion natural given we are talking about social rules and implications here? As a parent, what we tell our ASD kids is to NOT BE AFRAID TO ASK. Get clarification instead of allowing something to simmer and end up in an inappropriate conclusion. So, she has asked and we have all given our opinions. Figuring out whose opinion and advice applies best to her situation is up to her.


Agreed. Again, everyone, thank you so much for your replies and comments! They really helped. I think you're all right in saying I should just let it go and be happy with my fiancé which is the whole point. I hate "society rules" and all this other crap?.why can't we just be happy and that's that?



The_Face_of_Boo
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06 Jun 2014, 1:44 am

Penandinkmarie wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
Penandinkmarie wrote:
Thanks everyone for your replies?.

But for the record, I'm NOT materialistic?..I actually LOVED the earrings, but then I came home and my dad is like, "What!? That's what they gave you?? Those are for babies!" etc?..and yeah in our culture it's customary to give the future bride a super expensive (lavish) gift?.apparently?and if they don't or give something super crappy it's seen like an insult to the family?.Especially if the families are well off as ours are?again?.just a fact, not showing off or something. Just trying to understand why they don't like me.

ANYWAYS, my fiancé knows his family and he actually doesn't really like the way they are either?.other people can back me up on this too?I think it's more b/c I'm an "outsider" not 100% from this culture so they see me as "lesser" b/c I don't know their customs, etc?..


You know, if your father wants to fight that fight with them, you can't stop him, but don't let EITHER set of parents ruin your happiness.

It DOES NOT MATTER how the future in-laws see you. Please don't let yourself get wrapped up in that, and please don't let your parents get you wrapped up in their way of seeing things. ALL THAT MATTERS is what you have with your fiancé. Be deaf to anything else.


If it wasn't a major issue for her, she wouldn't create a thread about it.


It sounds like her parents instigated her concerns and, of course, after hearing that from them she would want to receive more opinions on how to react. Isn't a little confusion natural given we are talking about social rules and implications here? As a parent, what we tell our ASD kids is to NOT BE AFRAID TO ASK. Get clarification instead of allowing something to simmer and end up in an inappropriate conclusion. So, she has asked and we have all given our opinions. Figuring out whose opinion and advice applies best to her situation is up to her.


Agreed. Again, everyone, thank you so much for your replies and comments! They really helped. I think you're all right in saying I should just let it go and be happy with my fiancé which is the whole point. I hate "society rules" and all this other crap?.why can't we just be happy and that's that?



So how big the wedding will be? The typically Middle Eastern 300+ persons wedding? :lol: