how to kindly rebuff on okcupid??

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Jono
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06 Jun 2014, 6:10 am

tarantella64 wrote:

About tons of wtf-type OKC messages: yeah, there are guys who will just message anything alive. I didn't even have a photo up and I'd get comments on my photo. Just ignore them, you don't owe them an answer. If a guy writes and sounds sincere, but just doesn't sound like a match, then I like that polite response.

No, don't just ignore them. Reply to them with something like "Not interested" or if they message you about a photo that you haven't put up, then reply saying "I don't even have my photo up yet" and then block them so that they can't reply back to you. You don't owe them a proper response but like I've said above, anyone looking for matches can actually see how often you reply to messages because there's an indicator underneath your username. So, you could end up with some genuinely nice people passing you over and deciding not to message you because you've got a red or orange line underneath your name.

The_Face_of_Boo
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06 Jun 2014, 6:10 am

Where are the eyes?

Honestly, I don't care much about eyes.

The_Face_of_Boo
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06 Jun 2014, 6:12 am

Sometimes I wonder if a female goat's profile would get messages on okcupid.

Jono
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06 Jun 2014, 6:19 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Sometimes I wonder if a female goat's profile would get messages on okcupid.

I don't know but I'm sure that if there are any female sheep with profiles on OKCupid, they'd likely be popular with men from New Zealand. :wink:

886
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06 Jun 2014, 6:27 am

You don't owe anyone anything. If you aren't interested, you aren't interested. Not replying is a reply in itself, it's normal and no one takes offense.

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06 Jun 2014, 6:56 am

Jono wrote:

lol, those are the same women who usually reply to rude non-sexual/dating related messages.(i.e. they reply as soon as you get around their ego) :roll:

To get a reply from them: find something slightly stupid in their profile(like a contradiction of some sort), and then point it out.

TheGoggles
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06 Jun 2014, 8:39 am

Jono wrote:

tarantella64 wrote:

You realize that women get, like, a billion messages a second on those websites?

tarantella64
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06 Jun 2014, 8:54 am

Jono, it's a numbers game only for the desperate/silly and the site owners. If a guy is so easily discouraged, and so sensitive to rejection, that a red bar puts him off from contacting a woman who sounds interesting to him, then he's not the man for me anyway.

I don't have a profile up anymore, but if I did, I wouldn't reply to men who obviously haven't looked at or read my profile just to keep looking inviting.

lotusblossom
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06 Jun 2014, 2:18 pm

smudge wrote:

:lol: Well Lotusblossom, were you sent by God to men? :lmao:

And thank you!

I don't think I've ever seen you without make-up, but I'm sure you don't need it.

You are right about the WP thing, or a lot of them anyway.

I was sent as a curse on all their souls! ha ha

(Im changing my phone on sunday and will text you my new number, hope your allergy better btw)

lotusblossom
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06 Jun 2014, 2:22 pm

Jono wrote:

lotusblossom wrote:

I would like some advice on how to rebuff people kindly on okcupid.

Currently I just ignore messages but I feel that is rude so would like a pleasant thing I could say if I dont want to talk. Most messages are from 80% enemies so I know we wont get on.

thanks

The thing is, it's also to your disadvantage if you simply ignore messages on OKCupid because when people are searching for matches, there's a coloured line underneath your name which indicates how often you reply to messages. A lot men actually hide all the profiles of women who have red lines underneath their usernames, indicating that they very infrequently reply to messages, thinking that it would be waste of time. So, that's why it's better to rebuff them than to just ignore their messages, and that goes for even the douchey messages that have stupid pick-up lines in them, unfortunately. Also, be careful about how often you delete messages as well because that also counts towards the sites algorithm that calculates what colour line to put underneath you name.

thanks for that, I shall make an effort, Ive still not replied to them yet, Im dreading logging on and having even more messages to wade through. I shall copy and paste gianthockeyfans suggestion. But later, argh I cant face it.

lotusblossom
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06 Jun 2014, 2:29 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Where are the eyes?

Honestly, I don't care much about eyes.

this is my profile pic

Eureka13
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06 Jun 2014, 4:19 pm

Ha! Love the "profile photo"!

A lot of the kinds of messages you are talking about sound like they come from spammers/scammers. When I had a profile up, I got a lot of the same types of messages, some of the "OMG ur buetifull" variety, others of the more verbose (but not quite English) variety.

I particularly laughed at the ones that cited my beautiful eyes.....since I was wearing sunglasses in every single one of my profile photos.

lotusblossom
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06 Jun 2014, 4:53 pm

right, Ive been good and replied to all but can see some replies back argh.

I just sent

Quote:

Thank you for taking the time to read my profile and write. Unfortunately, I do not see enough common ground to pursue further communications. Best of luck to you

except to the hot 26 year old with a 93% match who I wrote a nicer message to, Smudge you have to sign up and write to him he is perfect for you- INTJ, graphic designer, really hot, your age group! I will pm you a link to his profile :wink:

lotusblossom
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06 Jun 2014, 5:06 pm

gah! He has written a long message back already arrgh! Smudge you better sign up and take the bullet soon! Hope he is not a member on here!! !

all the other replies were just ones saying 'thanks for your honesty xx' which is ok, whats with all the kisses though-yuk!! !

except for the funny 'your gods gift' one who has sent 2 more messages saying he wants to know me better as Im soo beautiful lol.

DW_a_mom
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06 Jun 2014, 5:42 pm

lotusblossom wrote:

here is the funny message

Quote:

hello friend. ? your profile and photos you have here, it is nice and i like it,
that is the reason why i stop by and send you this words or this piece of letter.
You have such a lovely smile that will make a man go mad for you, I have this feelings
that you are send from God to a man. Well I am giving a chance to get to know you more better, I am Collins by name, going, honest, faithful and good man, I am not here for play or to waste away my fun i have a busy job that is what makes me sometimes to come online, I will like both of us to know more about each other better, I wait to hear from you soonest, Have a lovely and pleasant day...

That message sounds like someone saying what they think you want to hear. There are also cultures where it seems men are taught to talk to women like that. But it was always a turn off for me, too. I don't mind compliments that are close enough to what I see in the mirror to ring with some truth, though; I can see why a guy might like my eyes, for example.

Anyway, I love that response GiantHockeyFan recommended and nice to see you've used it. Soooo glad I don't have to deal with any of this.

(I married a man with the most wonderful smile in the world, but he has NEVER believed me when I tell him that. Sigh)

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Nambo
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06 Jun 2014, 5:51 pm

It,s probably different for men but I get quite a few messages so I politely thank them and say I already seem to have found somebody here.

Today I got a women from New York who was Asian, Christian and in her questions stated she was Jewish, She had such horrid answers to all the questions that I considered it must be a joke profile so I replied so:-

" Thank you for writing to me but I am only looking for a relationship with Lykke Li, if you know her can you get her to check out my profile please?
Cheers. "

By the way, Hi Smudge!

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