Describe your Ideal Partner

Post Reply New Topic

at 59 assuming he's around your same age, what are you going to find attractive in him when he can no longer work hard?

Te problem with men, and a reason that I think they perish sooner then woman is because they end up being defined by their work, and once they can no longer work they feel emasculated, worthless, etc. That takes a toll on his mind.

Women that define men by their work are enabling this fault, I think it's rather depressing that someone so close to her final years of her life is still attributing performance as meaningful vessel for love. Very soon you wont be able to find the hard worker that you so love, because people cannot, and will never be defined by their work, human beings are much bigger than that. All that you are doesnt dwell in the work place, infact, what goes on in the work place is just a very small part of a person, it's not even the tip of the iceberg.

Okay, as of this moment he cannot "work hard," but that is part of who he is, as far as his belief system. Bobby almost died 3 months ago from congestive heart and lung failure. He is doing better, as I have posted repeatedly, but this is a progressive illness. He can work very little now. We mostly hang together at home just as we used to hang together at work.

I do not, nor have I ever defined him by his work. We were asked to describe our ideal mate. My point was that the list is not what really matters, that if we love someone, who they are can become our ideal.

I found your post extremely mean spirited. What is the reason for your cruelty?

I thought it was nasty too. A nerve must have been struck, but that really came out of nowhere. I didn't expect this thread to go negative so quickly, but it is L &D.

Should be renamed "Love and Hating."

Or "Misery Loves Company"

Because you listed hard working multiple times as an ideal trait, when it's no-where near the ideal, and in fact, looking at a man through that lens confirms to the man that 'this is what he is', which in turn, hurts him because once he can no longer do that thing, he perceives himself as not being attractive anymore.

My front door neighbor who died 2 years ago was always around his yard working hard, even though I could physically see that the work was very hard for him, but he kept trying to slug through it for some bizzare reason, I get the feeling he was another male that defined himself through his work, but all of that took a took on his frail little body and now he's dead.

Not my intention to be mean, but I just think someone of your age should have the wisdom to avoid listing that... because it's going to hurt the male once his function stops, but that doesn't stop the stubborn mule because he's so enveloped in the idea that 'this is what he is' that he's going to wreck his body to keep doing it, because that's what a hard working 'man' would do.

That part of the male ego shouldn't be enabled.

Pardon me for empathizing with old men who find themselves miserably depressed because they could no longer function.

And furthermore, both Bobby and I find each others aging, terminaly diseased bodies extremely attractive. I find it odd that you say that you're ideal mate does not even exist, admittedly because your standards are impossibly high, while mine does,and you rip me apart for it. How dare you.

Oh, and thanks Ann.

Well fine, that's better than expecting a hard worker out of an old man. The reason why it upsets me is because there are many a naive old man who will be stubborn enough to work himself to death because of a foolish 'live hard' work-ethic that's been instilled in him.

I think both sexes face this issue though - it's not a gender specific problem. No one likes not being able to do what they once did.

Women are often defined by their families though, males by their job and ability to provide.... the later goes away, whereas the women will still have her children, and probably even grand-children, she's in a much better position to be happier because of that.

I think these roles are becoming more blended though. Also, do men not get happiness from their children? I don't know, I don't have a husband or children.

That's what I would hope would happen, but a lot of males have that 'die with your boots on' mentality, and especially when they're getting more stubborn with age.... They do get happier with families but they don't entirely define themselves through that, at least not as much as the women. They should turn into that and especially into old age, but old men are probably the most stubborn thing on the planet.

To respond to the OP, someone who "gets" me.

Someone I love who loves me back. Someone I get along with who gets along with me. Someone I enjoy being around and who enjoys being around me.

My ideal woman would be; first and foremost, one who pushes me to come out of my shell. She would be kind, caring, supportive and not afraid to reach out for support. Accepting my quirks and what makes me different, would be easy for her. She would have plenty of quirks of her own, a unique outlook and a stand-out character. While she'd accept and embrace me, she would have independence and respect mine. We would be open with one another, without judging. She wouldn't be out to "fix me"; nor I, her.

She would be quite physical, with athletics being a passion of hers. It wouldn't matter so much what specific sport she were involved in. The key thing being; that we could relate to one another, in regards to pushing our bodies to the limit. If she were a Powerlifter, even better. We could train and enter competitions together, perhaps even form our own club.

Music would be a big part of her life and she would enjoy some of the same genres as me, we'd share new discoveries and go to shows and festivals together. It would be awesome, if our tastes were similar enough that we could literally trade iPods.

She would have an adventurous spirit, enjoying new challenges and experiences, eager to step out of her comfort zone. She would be upbeat and positive, always looking for the silver lining.

I would love her and she would love me.