He insults people... I'm scared.

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Dillogic
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28 Jun 2014, 11:40 pm

He sounds like a cool dude to me.



nick007
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29 Jun 2014, 12:00 am

It sounds like a built-up meltdown due to stressful situations beyond his control. It might help if he talked to a psych or a GP(if he has one). He might could get a referral to anger management, stress counseling & some meds might could help too like antidepressants, antipsychotics, mood-stabilizers, beta-blockers, Buspar if it's mostly anxiety, or benzodiazepines for occasional use when he knew he was going to be in a anxiety provoking situation that could cause major frustration.


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sly279
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29 Jun 2014, 2:00 am

nick007 wrote:
It sounds like a built-up meltdown due to stressful situations beyond his control. It might help if he talked to a psych or a GP(if he has one). He might could get a referral to anger management, stress counseling & some meds might could help too like antidepressants, antipsychotics, mood-stabilizers, beta-blockers, Buspar if it's mostly anxiety, or benzodiazepines for occasional use when he knew he was going to be in a anxiety provoking situation that could cause major frustration.


whats a GP?



nick007
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29 Jun 2014, 2:23 am

sly279 wrote:
nick007 wrote:
It sounds like a built-up meltdown due to stressful situations beyond his control. It might help if he talked to a psych or a GP(if he has one). He might could get a referral to anger management, stress counseling & some meds might could help too like antidepressants, antipsychotics, mood-stabilizers, beta-blockers, Buspar if it's mostly anxiety, or benzodiazepines for occasional use when he knew he was going to be in a anxiety provoking situation that could cause major frustration.


whats a GP?
General Practionor


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rdos
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29 Jun 2014, 3:06 am

I see no reason why she should break-up with him. Additionally, I see no reason why he needs to go to a doctors and get meds for this. I think this is sonmething the OP and Aspie can work with by themselves.

As I wrote before, just let him know the possible consequences, and he should be able to do better.

When it comes to the police, I find it quite natural that he hates them if he perceives they abused him. I also hate the police and law, but for different reasons. I think you are allowed to do that as long as you don't do anything else. After all, you are allowed to think whatever you want to about people and society.



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30 Jun 2014, 4:57 pm

I'll echo some of the people here. It's possible he has Aspergers but that's not an explaination for this type of behavior.

It's possible he also has a comorbid issue like this one:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Opposition ... t_disorder



Halfmadgenius
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01 Jul 2014, 1:08 am

Sounds like a jack@$$ to me. In fact sound a lot like my whiny @ $$ exboyfriend. Take my advice, leave.



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03 Jul 2014, 10:39 am

I think it's overly dramatic to suggest that the OP should leave her bf because of this. It's not like his abusing her.
It sounds like he's having melt downs and that is indeed related to having Asperger's. He probably has good qualities related to his Asperger's as well, and unrelated qualities, this is just one part of who he is.
The thing with melt-downs is that you have to stop them in time. When the overstimulation reaches a certain point, there's no thinking about consequences. He has to learn when to get out of a situation and how to do this effectively. Learning more about Asperger's and more about what specifically triggers him the most is something I recommend for him. You, OP, can of course be of assistance and support him in this process, but if a change is to occur, he has to be the one making it.



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03 Jul 2014, 10:43 am

If you really love him, then stay with him, but there must be conditions.

One of them is that he must not put you in a position where you would have to save up in order to bail him out of jail.



Last edited by kraftiekortie on 03 Jul 2014, 4:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

cberg
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03 Jul 2014, 4:02 pm

rdos wrote:
I see no reason why she should break-up with him. Additionally, I see no reason why he needs to go to a doctors and get meds for this. I think this is sonmething the OP and Aspie can work with by themselves.

As I wrote before, just let him know the possible consequences, and he should be able to do better.

When it comes to the police, I find it quite natural that he hates them if he perceives they abused him. I also hate the police and law, but for different reasons. I think you are allowed to do that as long as you don't do anything else. After all, you are allowed to think whatever you want to about people and society.


The actual function of your police force is rather closely tied to to where you live; enforcement in cities tends towards officiated corruption while smaller towns or counties are precluded towards individual misconduct - just a month ago I received falsified charges and had my wallet robbed by a sheriff. I've been on approximately the same terms with our police - all departments in my town have ticket quotas which roll over monthly. Every one of them tries to bankrupt people...


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Frmeepy
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03 Jul 2014, 6:44 pm

...So the day after I posted this, he pushed a girl because he said she was in his way when he was trying to leave. And another big issue came up... I made a thread about it here:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt262493.html

[Mod. edit: that thread has since been removed because you'd edited your opening post back to nothing, rendering the whole thread meaningless]



kraftiekortie
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03 Jul 2014, 6:46 pm

Jesus Christ...get rid of this guy!

I read the thread you mentioned. Get rid of him!

It seems like he wants to sponge off you. I don't think he'll get a job, and I think he's seeking to depend on you.

You deserve better!

If you're not married to him, and you're not his relative, you have no legal obligation to support him.

Don't let him blackmail you in any way.

Go FAR FAR away. Leave him in the dust. This is not going to work out for you.

If he harasses you, call the cops. They might not take it seriously at firstt--but if you call them enough, fill out enough reports, and and if he starts making threats, they're more likely to take it more seriously.

They'll be more artists with curly hair who like to stargaze........



Azereiah
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03 Jul 2014, 7:16 pm

Ditch him.

You don't need that stress.



rdos
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04 Jul 2014, 12:37 pm

cberg wrote:
The actual function of your police force is rather closely tied to to where you live; enforcement in cities tends towards officiated corruption while smaller towns or counties are precluded towards individual misconduct - just a month ago I received falsified charges and had my wallet robbed by a sheriff. I've been on approximately the same terms with our police - all departments in my town have ticket quotas which roll over monthly. Every one of them tries to bankrupt people...


It has more to do with how they prioritize things, and that I don't agree to what is legal and what is not. Add to that a long conflict with social authorities, and that I already disliked authority from the start.



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04 Jul 2014, 2:11 pm

Does he actually know what these words mean? ASD individuals often pick up social behaviors from other people, and perhaps he once either knew someone, saw a show, or listened to music, etc., that led him to latch on to the language as a way of expressing himself. Because ASD individuals can also be impulsive, even though he may have since learned they are not the best method, he may continue to default to them. My son dropped those words really fast when he learned what they meant.

I know he is your boyfriend and not someone you can boss around, but if you can both agree this is a pattern that should be stopped, then I would initiate a zero-tolerance / consequences type policy towards it: any time he starts talking like that, your time together that day is over. That gives him incentive to see the patterns leading up to the reflexive behavior, and to learn how to stop them. He should be capable of controlling the behavior given the overall life situation he has been able to achieve, so force him to. Things like this are hard work for ASD individuals, and he isn't going to do that work unless he sees a good reason. Perhaps he thinks it is too hard - reactions like "I don't care if I get hurt" can be defensive for things someone sees as outside of their control - so maybe you need to help him understand the patterns that lead into the behavior; that is a fair role for you to play (IMHO*), but he still needs the incentive to do the work.

If he says he really cannot control it, I would ask him to look into an evaluation for tourrettes (sp?).

(* I can really see whoever my son ends up with having to sometimes simply act more like a parent. Sometimes that is just what he needs; it isn't insulting to give someone what they need; that is what partner's do. You both want to be able to help each other become your best selves, whatever that takes)


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Last edited by DW_a_mom on 07 Jul 2014, 12:25 am, edited 1 time in total.

tarantella64
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04 Jul 2014, 2:47 pm

DW, while I agree with the no-tolerance bit, I don't think she can expect that understanding will happen after a while. I've done that, too, and it turns into a points game, where the guy thinks it's stupid and is angry at me for it, but wants the conversation or time together, and sees it as a rule he must adhere to strictly because I have the power to impose and enforce the rule. Then you get into the arguments about the unreasonableness of the zero-tolerance policy and how he should get passes now and then. And at bottom he's just unwilling to believe or accept, or genuinely can't understand, that the behavior is offensive, demeaning, threatening, etc.

I guess what I'm saying is that if you have to do that sort of thing, maybe find someone with whom you don't have to do that sort of thing.