Would it be creepy to approach a hot stranger in the street?

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No, you shouldn't be approaching strangers in the street. I don't know about anyone else, but I think it is considered harassment, even if you make a comment on her looks. I would suggest joining a social group, and trying to get to know someone and have an actual conversation with them. Its okay if you think someone is attractive. Just don't make it the only topic of conversation. Whenever I meet a guy and all they can talk about is my looks, I either think that they just tell girls what they want to hear, they are creepy weirdos, players, or that they only like me for my looks, and not personality. Guys who get to know girls and are interested in having actual conversations with them that aren't entirely based around "damn girl you hot/sexy"(occasional compliments are okay though!!) have the best chance.

Oh yay, another thread full of misinformation.

Approaching someone in the street and paying them a genuine compliment about their appearance/dress etc is not harassment. It may not be so common these days because people have been conditioned to live in fear of what others think of what they say or do by people with the strange idea that compliments are harassment, but it most certainly is not harassment. Further, because it's not so common, if you do it right (and not pervy or creepy) then you may stand out as someone with more confidence than others, which could work out very well for you.

IMO, it's perfectly acceptable and worth a shot. You have to bear in mind that the majority of the people in this thread saying they wouldn't want to be approached and complimented are autistic and may suffer from social anxiety and other comorbids that make them not enjoy interacting socially with people they're not familiar with. The opinions are very skewed because of that. Ask this same question on a forum full of NT's and I'm sure you wouldn't get nearly the negative response as they tend to be more social people who aren't fearful of conversations with strangers.

Me too, about 70% of "relationship first meets" stories I hear involve couples attending the same workplace/college/institution - the rest are stories of semi-arranged marriage or online dating.

Oh come on starvingartist, don't be so naive!

Read!



In other term- she implies that those who don't wear conservatively are more likely looking to get "picked up" - that's a very common misconception and it's at the very last the light version of "she asked for it" thinking.

Tarantella, you tell her!! !

No, Boo?you've attacked one of "her kind." I'd have thought you'd know better. Surely you've picked up on the wagon-circling that has already commenced.
[/opening another can of worms]

goldfish is a young gay man who thrives on sexual attention from strangers. He does not understand (and is unwilling to understand) that strange, sexually-interested men represent any threat to women. He is also unwilling to hear the voices of thousands of NT women who've posted on various hashtag threads in the last couple of months saying very firmly that they do not want these remarks from strangers, and view them as threats and harassment.

goldfish has trouble understanding that he does not represent most women. Please don't listen to him on this.

@Angelrho and Boo: The jeering is unwelcome.

Yes, Boo, you're right. Dress is not an invitation. However, stop and consider why BirdInFlight felt it necessary to put that in. If I had to guess, I would guess that it's because of how reliably women are attacked for attracting men. (Lucky us, we also get attacked for not attracting men.) If we attract men, why, we must've been asking for it. Just yesterday a lovely judge in the UK told a rapist that it wasn't his fault he raped a woman who'd passed out on his couch; after all, "she was a pretty girl, you fancied her, and you lost control." Her fault for being attractive.

Women are accused often and loudly of "asking for it" through their dress. I got accused of this myself, in a police station, after a cracked-out thug attacked me in a gym parking lot and broke my nose. My sinful garb: the spandex shorts I'd been working out in (then blood-spattered). When I objected to this the officer threatened to arrest me.

So if BirdInFlight is defensive about something she shouldn't have to defend, I wish she wouldn't be, but I'm not surprised and I don't blame her. Nor should you. You can, however, do something about the situation by being thoughtful when it comes to how you talk about how women dress and what it supposedly signals -- and by calling other men out and telling them to stop when they leer at what women are wearing, or gang up on women to tell them to dress more sexily.

Are we still confused, by the way, about the misogyny-drenched environment here, and why more active moderation of sexism is necessary?

Yes.

It's true I'm youngish (31) & that I'm gay. I don't thrive on sexual attention from strangers. I do, however, appreciate compliments about my appearance when they're given or implied.

Strange sexually-interesrted men don't represent a threat to women. They represent the perpetuation of the species AND the next generation of cute gay boys. Tarantella64 seems to think that people meet and become partners by some sort of magic whereby people already know one another and strangers never have to interact with one another in order to make a new friend, acquaintance, partner, boyfriend/girlfriend etc & that compliments about one's physical appearance should never occur. Bizarre.

Fearful anxious PTSD suffering men hating women posting complaints on the internet about being paid compliments do not represent society at large nor how the world operates. I comprehend just fine that there were many autistic women & rape victims and so on who want nothing to do with social interactions with other human beings. That doesn't mean everyone else thinks and feels like them.

Tarantella64 has trouble understanding that she does not represent most women. Please don't listen to her on this.

Anyone want to run a sweep on the OP lucking out and managing to meet Vicky or goldfish in the street? They look like being the only ones who would be flattered by uninvited, and unwanted, personal comments.

according to some, we have failed to produce any evidence whatsoever that said misogyny exists here: apparently it's all in our (either paranoid or conspiratorial) imaginations.

Chances are more probable that he'll run into a more social person in the streets than he will on an autism forum full of people who avoid other people.

Again, it's not just individuals on this forum that don't represent the world at large... it's the entire forum - hence the name wrongplanet. What the anti-compliment crowd here is failing to acknowledge is that they are the minority, not the social rule.

Go back to #AllWomen and have a read.

Wow, just wow. A thread FULL of women (and men) saying it's creepy to approach strangers on the street based on their hotness, and yet here is our resident women's spokesperson again, saying that all of the women who have posted in this thread have NO idea what they're talking about.

goldfish, you are a man. Has it never occurred to you that while men may more universally appreciate comments on their looks from strangers, it is not something that is universally appreciated by women? In fact, so far, among all of the WP female membership, there have only been two women here who have said they appreciate getting comments on their looks from men who are total strangers. The rest of us have all said we find it creepy.

You have dismissed everything the majority of women here have said, and you have dismissed a preponderance of evidence presented to you in the many links posted elsewhere in this subforum on this topic (yes, you *skimmed* one of them, so clearly that makes you the expert), and yet you persist in believing that you speak for all women. You don't. As I've said before, you aren't a woman, you don't even have intimate knowledge of women through relationships. How could you possibly know what we think, how we feel? You can't. You don't have a clue.

The fact that someone prefers not to have their day interrupted by a random stranger hitting on them has very little to do with fear, nor is it nuts. What it is, is NOT GIVING US A CHOICE who we interact with. What the hell do you think women have been fighting for the last century? Yup, CHOICE.

So, until you have actually lived as a woman surrounded by men who are almost uniformly larger and stronger than you, and who have been putting words in your gender's mouths for centuries, stop pretending that you speak for all women.

I am married to the most incredible man in the world. I love him deeply.I am crazy IN LOVE with him still [after 20 years] and I like and respect him and have so much fun with him. He is kind, patient,not even lsightly abusive, and even when my body was bloated like a sausage, my hair had fallen out, my chest was 2 angry scars, my skin like a lizards, and I practically lived with my head over the toilet, he had me halfway believing that I was the most beautiful and desireable woman in the world.

I could possible be misunderstanding, but, it seems that if I had followed the advice on some of these threads, Bobby and I would never had gotten together, and that would have been awful.

I did not meet Bobby on the street. I did meet him at a JayCee meeting that a neighbor had invited me to. We were a little late for the meeting, so there was no talking and getting to know each other before it started. After an hour or so, there was a 10 minute break outside, which I was happy about because the fluorescent lighting in the building was as tortorous as any I had encountered for years. So, paraphrasing slightly, but not condensing at all,here is basically our first conversation.

Bobby: Hi. I'm Bob. I was this chapters president last year, during which time we tripled our active membership and we won a number of awards at conference. This year, I am the membership vice president. Part of my responsibility is to help new members feel comfortable.

Me: That's nice. I'm Vicky.I'm blown away by all the projects your group has put together,especially the ones helping disadvantaged kids.

Bobby: Are you married?

Me: I was for 18 years,but Larry passed away just over a year ago. I've got 2 teenagers and a baby that was born a few months after he died.

Bobby: I'm a single dad. I have 2 boys. They;re 14 and 16. My youngest is one of the top speed skaters in the world. I used to be.

Vicky: Oh. My kids are terrific too. They're all 3 so smart, sweet and beautiful.

Bobby: Just like their mom. Listen...You probably won't believe me, but I'm really funny and witty.I know you can't tell, but just ask anyone here, and they'll tell you that I am. Really.

Me: Oh, I believe you.

Bobby: The meetings about to start again, and Chris [the woman who brought me] always leaves early. So. I just wanted to know. I'll be going to Las Vegas next month. My room is right on the strip. Would you like to go with me? All expenses paid.

Me; [laughing, thinking he must be kidding because no ones lines can be that cheesy] Well, I better hurry and get my seat back.

A month later I did go with him to Las Vegas. It was so fun [and innocent] Right after the meeting I thought "What a sweet guy. Is there someone from work I can set him up with."

So, it all ended up great, but, I suspect some of you would say he was sexist, or a creep. But he's not. And he was not. he is awesome. He was just a little nervous [ he says the most nervous he has been in his life] when we first met. Guys often are when they meet a woman, and because of that they often say some slightly stupid things. oh well.