Fixation on a girl who is in my class.

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You should get fixated on a couple more girls just in case it turn out she doesn't like you.

That's just it. I can't get away from my fixation. Ive tried and noones been able to help me.

It's important to make this note. In November when this girl stopped me to ask me why I was staring at her I was going to tell her about my AS diagnosis. However, she said she had to get to class and walked of.

I saw her talking to some of her friends and I felt she just walked away to be not nice, so I gave her a push. She didn’t like it and walked up to me and asked me why I did it. I told her because she walked away from me then she said she would report me to the office. She never did report me. I then changed seats so I couldn’t look at her anymore. However at the end of January I was with some of her friends and she walked up beside me and smiled at me. I asked her why she was laughing and she said she wasn’t laughing. I gave her a friendly wave, said hi to her in which she responded by saying hi, and eventually said bye because I had to leave the school. This was during exam time. That was the lasttime I talked to her, over one month ago.

Everytime I see this girl I always feel jealous when I see her laughing with other guys. I need to know if this girl ever had feelings for me. DogDancer, how can you change you position so suddenly. I need to know because I can’t deal with the regret of not knowing either way.

That’s about all I can think of to tell you. I told my heart out.

Explain, Buggs. I didn't understand the "how can you change your position so suddenly" comment.

Do mean how could she change her position? OR did you mean me? I think you meant her.

You know what Buggs, love -- or the extreme infatuation that one has when one wants to fall in love with someone is NORMAL. That's why it's so intoxicating and so powerful and so crazy-making and so gorgeous and so -- at times -- painful -- for everyone. HOWEVER...

...it is known that we AS types are known for hyperfocusing. I think this is probably why sometimes our experiences with LOVE
and infatuation can be a little overboard obssesive. We just have to try to accept that our feelings are what they are -- and then do our best to
achieve what we want -- WITHOUT scaring anyone else. AND with the realization that EVERYONE, NT or AS, has disappointments in the love department. It's part of life.

I still think you can approach this girl -- it really does sound like she finds you interesting and just may not quite understand how to take you. Also, she may not know exactly how she feels either. Keep in mind that for ALL teens, the whole interacting/opposite sex thing is new and sometimes confusing. ALL people have mixed, confused feelings at times -- it's nothing personal against you -- it's often not about you at all. It's about how new and overwhelming all this sex/romance/opposite sex interaction stuff is!

Besides, you HAVE given her some mixed signals yourself. So you can't really blame her for being a little hesitant.

BUT only appraoch her if you have truly decided within yourself, that you can handle it. And AT NO TIME will it be acceptable for you to push her or say hurtful things.

Approach this whole interaction as a learning experience. Even if it turns out that she is not going to be your gf or "the one", IF you can interact with her and maybe get on a more comfortable track, then you may accomplish several important things:
1) you will start to get past your fixation and be able to put your feelings in perspective
2) you will possibly make a friend
3) you will gain confidence from this interaction and be better equiped to handle future situations.

Be calm and centered and give it a shot, BZ. I think you can do this.

DD

DogDancer, I meant that about you. At first you said you thought she might have a crush on me but as the thread went along you all of a sudden changed your mind. I found that confusing.

I still don't understand what you mean by this girl possibly having a benign interest in me. What is a benign interest?

Right now she is at a volleyball tournament and wont be back until Thursday. Thursday is also the last day of school until Mrach Break, so I think I will approach her after March Break. I am still very scared about talking to her, but I need help in dealing with this emotion topsy-tervy stuff. You see it isn't normal to get mad when I see her with other guys, is it?

Okay, Buggs.

I still think she MIGHT have a crush on you. In the very least, she it seems like she's curious about you. By benign interest, I meant curious in a healthy way, not in a harmful or negative way or bullying way. She might just want to know a little more about you as a person. She might want to see if she can strike up more of a friendship. I'm not sure because I don't know her, and I haven't watched her.

So, it could be any of the above. I do think that she's at least receptive to the idea of more interaction. You'll just have to see how much more.

The reason I backed off a little bit from what I initially said about her liking you (in a crush sort of way) is because at first you hadn't shared yet any of the stuff about you having asked her out before or that you pushed her (even if it wasn't that rough or anything). Those are some details that I didn't know at first.

SO, while I STILL don't know what level of interest she has, I just backed off a little because I want you to be a little careful. Nevertheless, I think it's okay to interact again. That's all! Keep your mind and heart open, but make sure you take it easy.

And, yep, when a person develops "feelings" for someone it's NORMAL to feel jealous when your love-interest is talking and having fun with other guys. You're normal! Notice I didn't say it is RATIONAL! Not everything about romantic feelings -- or any feelings for that matter -- is always logical or rational. Feelings can come from a very basic part of ourselves that is about strong need -- not higher level logic!

So, you're fine, as long you don't ACT OUT in any violent or physical way or somehow convey that you "own" her. Just accept that you are feeling strong feelings, but that NO MATTER WHAT, it's going to be okay.

Does that help? I hope so. Hang in there, Buggs.

DD

Okay, DogDancer thanks for your help so far.

I have one more question. I see her by her locker quite often. How do I start talking to her. I need to sound more than just a robot and need an appropriate way to make the appolagy and move on to other subject aras if shes willing to talk. She I begin asking her how her day is, how she's liking her new semester, then ask her if she remembers the past negative expirence we had and move into an apology from there?

BZ, no problem.

I'm enjoying talking with you. You're trying to take POSITIVE steps and actions, and that's very cool.

Once she's back, take a deep breath. Take a few. Then just walk up to her and smile. Then say, "Hey, XXXX. How are you? How was your volleyball tournament?" Let her answer. And then see how the conversation goes.

At some point just say, "You know what, I've been meaning for a while now to apologize." She'll probably say "For what?" And then
just gently say, with sincerity, "For calling you XXX that time. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. I was confused about some things and upset and wrongly took it out on you. So, are you okay with that?"

She'll probably say something nice. And then you say something like "Good. Thank you, XXX. Let's talk again soon, okay?" And then let her say whatever she says. And then just smile and say "Bye now" or "see you." And walk away.

If she doesn't remember what you're talking about, you just say "Oh, good. I'm glad it didn't upset you enough for you to remember it. That makes me feel better because I was wrong, and it was bothering me."

You know what, BZ, practice a few times in the mirror. And then, just go do it. Don't obssess about doing it, though. Remember, she's just a person, too, a teen with general feelings, confusions, worries and issues much more similar to yours than not -- even though she is NT. I do think that she will appreciate your effort. You need to know that when you are doing a POSITIVE act, the universe smiles on you.

I'll check back in to see how you are, BZ. You're a good egg.

DD

Anything new developing, BZ?

DD

DogDancer, thanks for trying to keep up to date.

As I mentioned earlier I would not have a chance to talk to her because of March Break. I am still currently on March Break and won't see her until next week. There's some new information I could use some advice on. Last week this girl travelled out of town. My school's girls volleyball team made it into the Provincial finals scoring second place silver medal. My concern is this: My teacher, who was their coach, allowed the girls on the team to leave the hotel they were staying in to venture through the city late into the night (I think curfew was midnight). There were some boys that went along to help the girls set up the necessary means to play at the tournament. Why this it I am not entirely sure, but I do know not everyone that went were all girls. My concern is, given how beuatiful this girl is, she may have done things with these boys while they were out of town. Then again, it is not any of my buisiness and I shouldn't be thinking about that at all. But I can't help but feel I finally missed out on an oppurtunity I should have taken when she began initiating contact with me six months ago.

Im having my account deleted. DogDancer, your not a teen based on your post in the adult forum. Why should your advice be trustworthy?

DogDancer's a he? WHy do you keep on posting on my forums? Are you suspicious of me?

Maybe you could tell me how to delete my account

I decided this. I wont be interested in that girl no more. Just simply pull the plug in my mind. I dont need your advice no more DogDancer.