unable to love

Post Reply New Topic

You are not alone. I feel love for very few people. Sometimes I doubt my ability to love.

For me, love is an action. It is like the gardener who works to keep plants alive and healthy. Nurturing is what I think the word love means. It is a verb and not a noun. It is something that you do, not something that you feel. I nurture a lot of people. I love doing it. However, I do not feel love for the people that I nurture. I don't miss them very much when they are gone and I wouldn't make an effort to maintain a relationship with them except for the fact that I know they feel love for me and I don't want to hurt their feelings.

You are not alone. I feel love for very few people. Sometimes I doubt my ability to love.

For me, love is an action. It is like the gardener who works to keep plants alive and healthy. Nurturing is what I think the word love means. It is a verb and not a noun. It is something that you do, not something that you feel. I nurture a lot of people. I love doing it. However, I do not feel love for the people that I nurture. I don't miss them very much when they are gone and I wouldn't make an effort to maintain a relationship with them except for the fact that I know they feel love for me and I don't want to hurt their feelings.

i only know general affection. That is the only love I've ever experienced. Romantic love, or what passes for it, completely escapes me.

do you feel like a passive wall unable to create any love inside?
maybe because you're have a distorted expectation of how love should look like
or maybe you're looking at the wrong things to love

first what is love?
isn't it something different for each of us?
you said that not feeling love comes with the whole package "socially inhibited and alone"
i think love is primarily something social...people mostly love other people.
you can also love nature and other aspects of life
love can be something chemically created in our brains but it can be something else


-i made no sense I know ^_^'-

here's some nice info
http://themindunleashed.org/2014/09/8-w ... -life.html



.

Love is caring about someone so much that you are willing to give everything and expect nothing in return. The act of giving selflessly to someone you care about IS love.

giving everything is madness not love
take a imaginary example, someone lets himself/herself be treated badly, giving everything she/he has and calling it love. That's a dysfunctional utopia in my opinion

and why GIVE? what's with this verb? you don't have to give something to show that you love someone,...or do you?
what about sharing time together with a loved one? is that not love?
and you don't give your time away

I give my time to helping people without expecting something, does that mean I love them?

When I talk about "giving," I am speaking emotional giving. Material giving is not what I meant. People give time to help others for many reasons. Giving time to help others for no reason would qualify as love. Most people who give time to help others do so for some form of reward

Thats funny,
I just started a poll in the Writing forum for a title for my book, WHICH TITLE FOR MY AUTOBIOGRAPHY link
One of the options for the title is, "The Little Boy who never learned Love"

Maybe another symptom that sufferers of Childhood abuse and Aspergers share?

alright, thank you for your explanation

I think it's this - love is probably learned.

If you have never been in a water mass, you would never learn how to swim.

when 1+1=1, that is love.when someone draws attention to the fact that they help others, it indicates the attention they get for helping is primary to the help being given, which indicates 2. everything is connected

this I don't understand...
you mean helping because one receives attention?

it's mostly because one meets nice people

volunteering is a great way to connect and socialize and I don't see these benefits as tainting the action of helping others
but i guess it wouldn't be like love either
yet what you remind me of is love as self sacrifice in the Christian religion

and sadly in mathematics 1+1 never equals 1(from my superficial knowledge) which would deem love to be ..an error?

love is when you don't score anything during a game of tennis.
i was never interested in tennis.

But a young child does not nurture their parents. How is a young child supposed to rationalize the expectations that he should love his parents with the inner reality that he actually doesn't feel any affection or fondness toward them, in spite of their kindness to him?

I don't experience love as an emotion. Maybe other people do. I just take the actions indicative of love. It's a rational choice based on what I get in return and what I think is morally correct. So my definition of love is not an emotion. However, the everyday use of the word love is an emotion. I think it means "I like a whole lot". I love you = I like you a whole lot when most people say it. I don't believe in using is that way though. I hear people say they love somebody and then treat them like crap. It happens all the time, so where is the love? People have sex and think they are "in love". I don't believe in that. It would be more accurate to say "I lust after you." Maybe one day I will feel love for another person and my definition will be more like the norm, but right now I stand by my definition. I don't believe somebody loves me unless they nurture me.