Autistic men and dating websites

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sly279
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15 Nov 2014, 6:25 pm

AlexanderDantes wrote:

Uprising wrote:

It is a myth that women want a rich, handsome playboy that constantly wears a suit or drives a Maserati. You might attract a few gold diggers or shallow women with those traits but there are many men that aren't male models with attractive women.

Stop blaming your external factors and realize that the reason you struggle is because of Autism, nothing else.

Once you do that, you will start to work on yourself to become a better person that can integrate and connect with others.

um attraction=/= rich, handsome playboy or even super model. models are like what 0.05% of the population? are you saying that only .05% of people are attractive? or maybe what the orginal person was saying apples to the 80% of the population that are not models or rich playboys but still considered attractive.

vs the others who are considered, unattractive, ugly, hideous, grotess, freaks, etc. tons of words for it.

fact is that women like men treat those they find hot differently then those they find ugly.

1df5e76
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15 Nov 2014, 10:16 pm

AlexanderDantes wrote:

1df5e76 wrote:

AlexanderDantes wrote:

Just making a few pointers for guys who are struggling on dating sites.

Do not limit yourself until you have experience

For most Autistic guys on dating sites, you have to have limitations for physical attraction but be somewhat flexible on the limitations until you are more experienced. I see some men won't date women with kids or have racial preferences or preferences to eye color, that only limits your dating pool and shows you as a shallow human being. Once you are more experienced in securing dates and securing intimacy by the first or second date, you can choose to be more selective in your personal preferences. It's similar to the job market, you have to work entry level jobs before you move your position up. Birds do not fly without spreading their wings first.

Actually, it's a lot simpler than that. Just message people who you find attractive if you identify with something on their profiles. Messaging people you aren't interested in simply for the sake of getting dates makes no sense. Also, dating is not similar to the job market.

If you limit yourself, you might be missing out on vital experience or a revelation that could lead you to grow or find future fulfillment, it's similar to that job market because you might miss an opportunity that leads to a promotion.

I guess that makes sense if you're only interested in getting physical with as many women as possible (at least if you don't care about being respectful). However, not everyone has that goal. Honestly, your original post seems more like a pickup guide than a dating guide. Also, despite "limiting" myself to women I'm actually interested in, I still get plenty of dates.

Relationships are about chemistry and emotional compatibility whereas jobs are about qualifications and experience so your comparison is bogus.

Last edited by 1df5e76 on 16 Nov 2014, 1:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

AngelRho
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16 Nov 2014, 12:19 am

I have to disagree. A chief complaint I see around here a lot is a catch-22?girls don't seem to be quite so comfortable around awkward guys with little or no experience. So how do you get experience without practice?

It's not too terribly complicated: Go where people are, get accustomed to seeing women and being seen by women. Doesn't require conversation, approaching women, or having "game." Just be present. Once your comfortable with that, introduce yourself if nobody else approaches you first. No expectations, just "Hi! My name is? So what do you do besides hang out here? Cool! Maybe I'll see you around?" Keep that up for a while, work up to talking with women for 5 minutes at a time. Get used to that, turn 5 min. into an hour: "That's awesome. I'd like to hear more about what you do volunteering for ___ at ___. If you're not busy at __:__, would you like to get together for lunch?" So you meet up for lunch a time or two, then you ask for a dinner date?and it doesn't have to be a dinner date, but just something fun you both enjoy. How do you know she'll enjoy it? Well?you've spent a couple hours together at lunch, you should know her favorite hang out spots and leisure activities.

And you don't do this with just one person? You make the effort to get to know every woman you meet. Even if she's married and has 19 children, you can still ask what her husband does for a living and what it's like having 19+ kids. So you're probably not going to ask her to lunch unless you don't mind hanging out with her husband and at least one kid. But, hey, if she's got 19 kids, she just might have a daughter your age?

The point being never pass up an opportunity to meet someone just for the sake of getting to know someone new. It doesn't have to go anywhere. If you keep this numbers game up long enough, eventually what will happen is you'll start narrowing your dating pool. First cut anyone currently in a relationship unless she's on her way out. Second, you'll cut out all the crazies--look for negativity, gossip, trashing ex-bfs, clingy/desperate, and hints that she's mentally unstable. After that, and it will take a long time to get there, you'll cut everyone else that there's just no attraction or the potential relationship just has no future. You'll be down to probably about 3-4 women that you really like, and out of that will be 1-2 where there's a strong attraction and mutual chemistry. While it COULD be a tossup, the ONE you'll try for a LTR with should be pretty obvious.

If it doesn't work out, go back to your list. If you meet 100 women over the course of a year, I'd say about half that might be worth a second chance. "Hey! It's me! Haven't seen you in forever. How have you been? Ooooh, you were going out with___? I had no idea. Oh you broke up? That's hilarious! I'm going through the same kind of thing. You want to get together for lunch tomorrow? I'd love to catch up!" You can start with the runner up or you can start with #50?doesn't matter. And if someone who might have been interested in you gives you a hard time about it, just be straight with her and tell her you're rebounding and not ready to get back in a relationship right now. And then you start talking to every woman you meet, add 50 more names to your list, start back over if you want.

You're in a position by this point to do the serial monogamy thing if you want, but I just think you have more to gain by getting to know as many women as you can, especially if you've just ended a serious relationship. And you simply repeat the process until you get something that sticks.

sly279
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16 Nov 2014, 3:12 am

AngelRho wrote:

......

It's not too terribly complicated: Go where people are, get accustomed to seeing women and being seen by women. Doesn't require conversation, approaching women, or having "game." Just be present. Once your comfortable with that, introduce yourself if nobody else approaches you first. No expectations, just "Hi! My name is? So what do you do besides hang out here? Cool! Maybe I'll see you around?" Keep that up for a while, work up to talking with women for 5 minutes at a time. Get used to that, turn 5 min. into an hour: "That's awesome. I'd like to hear more about what you do volunteering for ___ at ___. If you're not busy at __:__, would you like to get together for lunch?" So you meet up for lunch a time or two, then you ask for a dinner date?and it doesn't have to be a dinner date, but just something fun you both enjoy. How do you know she'll enjoy it? Well?you've spent a couple hours together at lunch, you should know her favorite hang out spots and leisure activities.

......

The point being never pass up an opportunity to meet someone just for the sake of getting to know someone new. It doesn't have to go anywhere. If you keep this numbers game up long enough, eventually what will happen is you'll start narrowing your dating pool. First cut anyone currently in a relationship unless she's on her way out. Second, you'll cut out all the crazies--look for negativity, gossip, trashing ex-bfs, clingy/desperate, and hints that she's mentally unstable. After that, and it will take a long time to get there, you'll cut everyone else that there's just no attraction or the potential relationship just has no future. You'll be down to probably about 3-4 women that you really like, and out of that will be 1-2 where there's a strong attraction and mutual chemistry. While it COULD be a tossup, the ONE you'll try for a LTR with should be pretty obvious.

.....

to the first. doesn't work for me I seen hundreds of women at work daily. I am totally use to seeing women they are half the species and tend to be just about everywhere. I look away from them as not to creep them out as I'm ugly and not worth s**t.

as to the 2nd I like clingy women.

AlexanderDantes
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16 Nov 2014, 4:26 am

sly279 wrote:

AngelRho wrote:

Your imperfections are defined by you, I'm sure there are women out there that would give you a chance. Sometimes we notice our insecurities and magnify them more than others..

It is likely that you are more conscious that it is something to do your looks when it could be due to a lack of self belief or confidence. If you are negatively focusing your energy inward before socialising, that will effect your ability to feel comfortable with other people.

Klowglas
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16 Nov 2014, 4:38 am

uhg, these tips depress me, so basically appeal to her base animal instincts which emphasize the males ability/power, essentially what the animals do...

...So damn depressing, I need to get drunk and forget, oh wait... I don't like alcohol.

I'll evetually pass out from drowning in a well of despair anyways.

AlexanderDantes
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16 Nov 2014, 5:08 am

Klowglas wrote:

You may perceive it negatively but that doesn't change the fact that we live in a cold world of wolves and lambs, cities can take years to build and fall in days. That is why we must be vigilant and strong in our approach, we must not allow ourselves to bent to the will of others.

I am giving my perspective on what worked for me and that's having an open minded perspective on others and not limiting myself to date people who are only interested in my specific interests. To have a broader view of learning and growing in every area to have a vaster and richer experience. You may feel negatively about the advice but I have traveled to many beautiful European cities with a beautiful girl and before that, I dated many people from dating sites and for me, it was a learning experience of progression.

If you aren't securing intimacy but you are securing dates, you need to take it as a learning experience, review the situation and find out what you did better. If you view it as a learning experience and a journey rather than a destination, you are more likely to reach your goal and stay motivated to reaching your goal. It doesn't matter if that goal is to have a family or to have the sex of your dreams, you must follow the path.

What is a greater evil over being poor and alone? Poverty and loneliness are seen as two of the greatest evils known to man. I had to work hard to learn but I have learned most of problems come from our mindset, attitude and adaptability, rather than an external factor.

CrinklyCrustacean
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16 Nov 2014, 5:29 am

AlexanderDantes wrote:

What is a greater evil over being poor and alone?

Being stuck in a relationship with an abusive or uncaring partner.

rdos
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16 Nov 2014, 6:11 am

Klowglas wrote:

uhg, these tips depress me, so basically appeal to her base animal instincts which emphasize the males ability/power, essentially what the animals do...

Yes, it is depressing and not useful or true. You don't need to use these "tricks". It works pretty well to be natural, and by being natural you also automatically attract compatible people This applies to both girls and guys equally.

AspieOtaku
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16 Nov 2014, 6:16 am

Most women avoid autistic men any way possible because they see them weird and creepy and dont want to deal with a person with mental issues!

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AlexanderDantes
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16 Nov 2014, 6:18 am

Lilya wrote:

Wolf, you have a history of physically and mentally abusing women and don't exactly have the greatest track record with women, not to mention you have been banned from this site before due to all the bs posts. I don't think you are exactly qualified to giving dating advice to the men here.

I have never physically hurt a woman, I have never taken advantage of a woman. I have only been with mutually consenting women that were sober so I don't know what you are talking about or referring to but you must be mistaken.

I'm just a person who felt unfulfilled and confused before finding this website and increasing my self awareness. I went from being alone to dating many women on dating sites and sharing intimacy with them before meeting someone that I share deep connectivity with. I will admit that it was a learning experience for me but that's a part of growing up. I am now focused on having a future with a beautiful woman and everything I need to be fulfilled, that is far better when compared to where I started my journey.

We can succeed because hope and love are the two strengths that will prevail against anything else. I would rather have a great relationship with a beautiful, cultured and creative woman with emotional connectivity over sharing empty with many women from the club. I don't believe that empty lust or using others for self interest is what makes a man and I don't believe you need to read The Game to experience love and passion. It only takes one good relationship to make someone happy. People need to not limit themselves through ignorance because you never know where or how connectivity might happen, you might meet someone and she might have a child or have different interests but if you truly connect, that's what matters.

I would rather have a ruby or sapphire over a few pieces of charcoal and who is to say that The Game or this Mystery character are billionaires in the dating world? The last I heard, the man was very unfulfilled and unhappy.

AlexanderDantes
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16 Nov 2014, 6:39 am

rdos wrote:

Klowglas wrote:

uhg, these tips depress me, so basically appeal to her base animal instincts which emphasize the males ability/power, essentially what the animals do...

Being yourself is a rather generic and vague piece of advice when many women expect many women expect to be experienced and to initiate, Angel hit the nail on the head. If you don't understand the process or social code on how people end up in intimate relationships, they will notice that and it is about learning that process first before deciding things that matter long down the road that you haven't set foot on.

When you solve a sum, you have to start at the beginning of the process before you have a good idea of where you are and what steps to take next.

rdos
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16 Nov 2014, 7:27 am

AlexanderDantes wrote:

Being yourself is a rather generic and vague piece of advice when many women expect many women expect to be experienced and to initiate,

That has no meaning. I won't initiate things because I know women expect it, rather I avoid these types of women.

AlexanderDantes wrote:

Angel hit the nail on the head. If you don't understand the process or social code on how people end up in intimate relationships, they will notice that and it is about learning that process first before deciding things that matter long down the road that you haven't set foot on.

That's totally backwards. What you are saying is that if somebody doesn't understand the neurotypical courtship process they should learn it. That's contrary to what I claimed: If you don't understand the neurotypical courtship process you don't want to learn it, rather chances are good you were born with the neurodiverse process, and by being natural you can use it without learning it or understanding it.

AlexanderDantes wrote:

When you solve a sum, you have to start at the beginning of the process before you have a good idea of where you are and what steps to take next.

Relationships are not like math and it is not about science. :roll:

AlexanderDantes
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16 Nov 2014, 8:23 am

rdos wrote:

AlexanderDantes wrote:

When you solve a sum, you have to start at the beginning of the process before you have a good idea of where you are and what steps to take next.

Relationships are not like math and it is not about science. :roll:

http://www.wired.com/2014/01/how-to-hack-okcupid/all/

http://www.metro.us/lifestyle/okcupid-h ... dSGFATDJE/

rdos
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16 Nov 2014, 9:01 am

AlexanderDantes wrote:

rdos wrote:

AlexanderDantes wrote:

When you solve a sum, you have to start at the beginning of the process before you have a good idea of where you are and what steps to take next.

Relationships are not like math and it is not about science. :roll:

http://www.wired.com/2014/01/how-to-hack-okcupid/all/

http://www.metro.us/lifestyle/okcupid-h ... dSGFATDJE/

He needed 88 dates before finding somebody compatible. Even if he succeeded in getting attention on OkCupid, that still didn't result in a better sample of women than if he had asked random women at the university for a date.

And I had a crush on fewer than 5 females before ending up in a marriage, which is much better than OkCupid with this kind of manipulation.

It just shows that online dating is a huge failure.

CynicalWaffle
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16 Nov 2014, 9:41 am

AngelRho wrote:

Whhhhhoooooaaaaaa......horrible advice.

Guys, don't do what I quoted. This will land you in Creepsville, population: you.

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