Do you understand that the opposite sex wants you?

Post Reply New Topic

Pretty much sums up my feelings too.

I've heard other guys say this - comedians, for example (but they meant it). Here is my explanation, as a female:

We don't think you are smelly - sweat can even be a turn-on. "Musk" sells a lot in cologne and perfume for a reason. People are attracted to 'animal scents' like also exists in human sweat and scent glands. Some of that may be unconscious, but we are. Not everyone's scent appeals to everyone else - but there are studies showing that scent plays a role in attraction. They think it may have to do with genetic compatibility but there's no proof of that. Anyhow - gender isn't really the issue, it's more to do with an unconscious reaction to the specific type of smell.

As for hairy - as someone else said, not all men are. But just think of it as opposites. Just like the other parts are opposites, so is that. So think of it as being opposite to what you like and in a way it makes sense.

As far as lumpy - women are lumpy too. Just in a different way. Or in different places, rather. But it isn't just a gender thing. People like all sorts of types and all sorts of appearances. Don't worry about why. Just be glad they do.



You must've talked to confident NTs. Not all NTs are confident. I was kind of a funny looking kid and never really got past that self image. Later, I was an empirically attractive young adult (I even modeled), but I only see that now, looking back at past photographs. I never felt that I was the least attractive at the time. If anyone spoke to me I never assumed interest, only charity. I certainly never felt that anyone would 'like' me, and I felt fortunate if any male showed interest (asked me on a date, or spent longer talking to me than just being polite). Now looking back I see what a fool I was but back then, there was no internet, to see what people's thoughts really are about women. And the only guys who approached me were the obnoxious ones, as it turns out. It was not a happy time.

You might be surprised how many empirically attractive people of both genders lack confidence. But you can only find out who those are by risking a bit and talking to them. The obnoxious types only have more success dating because they play the numbers game. If you ask out 100 people one or two might say yes. Most people would see that as torture or have their feelings hurt. An obnoxious type has a thicker skin and no feelings about it.

Yeah, I girl I once knew was convinced that attractive people almost never end up together - mainly because they are always waiting for someone to approach them, and only those who are less attractive have learned that they have to do this.

well i rekon coz us guys have overpowering hormones and cant always control them

Personally, I love the feeling that someone needs me; even though I can't
provide much for them. Why female though? Females aren't icky.

i think women want men because we round out any rough edges and they smooth over our jagged pieces...i think (although i'm lacking more than slightly in this department) its all a matter of how you feel about yourself, Nowwithretsin....

I don't know you but just from seeing your post i feel you're worth a woman loving you and building her life with you... its just not about goals.. its about finding someone who might complete you. its an easy task living by yourself, giving up on dating, or anything similar but that won't complete you. You could possibly be fine with that fact but who's really fine thinking that out of the billions of people on this earth that your ONE could be lurking out there just waiting for you to clear your schedule, build up that inner strength, get out there and start looking for her?

I like men because they challenge me- whether it means working with you to find a better way to live life, or fighting with you because you're generally dumbasses, i love it all the same. Just that feeling makes it worth it to me- sex, looks, money, and other fun biological needs aside. I think men have the same depreciating way about them that women do- we want love and might even see why someone might like us but we don't actually see they DO want us, individually afterall...I frankly couldn't see a man wanting me even with all the curves, black hair, full lips, and intellect i could have i don't even see that as being enough...

and this part, not to tarnish what high confidence some NTs might have, "I've talked with NTs recently; they believe and know that the opposite sex could want them. And then they go out and meet the opposite sex, get lucky, etc."-- but its not true of this NT... i don't believe i'm too worth the trouble myself...
I think whats more sad is that we could live the whole of our lives thinking nobody wants us, is interested in us, or anything like that when in fact handfuls of people might've fallen in love with us, had that deep yearning for us and we wouldn't ever know. How's that for a miserably happy ending?

very, very interesting.... i certainly wouldn't have ever thought this but that makes a lot of sense.

I always had to be outright told. If a guy stared at me, I wouldn't notice and if he smiled, I would think he was being polite, give my best frightened half-grimace excuse of a smile and move along. I've had people tell me I've been flirted with and never recognized it until they did. Basically, my friends found my first boyfriend for me after I ignored him and they felt intervention was necessary. Subsequently, I either had friends or old boyfriends find my my boyfriends (and husband for that matter). See, even the old boyfriends felt it was necessary to take the matter in hand because they knew from their own experiences with me that I would never get it.

I know for me, it's two things. I live in my own head for the most part, so I don't see what's around me. All kinds of things happen around me and I never pick up on them. Second, I can't read eyes, non-verbal or implied things. If I do notice someone staring at me, I don't know if they are a stalker wanting to kill me or a guy wanting to date me. They are completely the same in my mind. I have no idea what NTs are seeing even though they have tried and tried to tell me what they see in hopes that I too will suddenly see it. I never do.

It's just fortunate that others helped me out (instead of personal assistants they were date assistants) and that I was attracted physically to men who were attracted to me. With my husband I hit pay dirt and was attracted to everything, his mind, his values, his interests and his physical appearance.

As to why I'm attracted to men? I'm not attracted to all of them, but the men I'm attracted to aren't just physically different because they are men, but also because they are tall and have dark hair and eyes. They are all sharp angular lines and mine are more rounded. I think I like things that are the opposite. Having something like me just seems boring to me and doesn't interest me.

It's so hard to tell when people are flirting with you, as they never unambiguously say so, especially when you're a guy. Girls seem to flirt in a minimal way, assuming that the guy will pick up on this and assume the mantle of flirting himself. I can only gauge a woman's interest indirectly, usually by a process of exclusion. If I go places with another girl, they'll inform me that various girls are/were coming on to me, which is baffling. It's like being color blind (which I also am) and trying to see the number in a color vision test.

To make matters worse, there are also times where it seems almost certain that a girl is flirting, but it turns out that they weren't. Since a false positive is more awkward and embarrassing than a false negative, I err on the side of assuming disinterest.

I suppose I could try to be the flirter, but I have a feeling that I would simply come off as deranged.

jf,

Don't feel bad. I get told at least once a week that some guy is flirting with me and I have no clue. Even when it's explained to me, I still have no clue. Guys flirt too, by the way (at least NT guys). It's this whole secret language thing that they understand and our brain doesn't process at all. Thank God my husband is more of an intellectual and deals with me that way. He just says that most of the stuff we miss is silly anyway and not to worry about it. His biggest concern is that I don't recognize when men are a threat to me. The flirting just irritates him and he runs them off. Meanwhile, I'm clueless about the whole thing! I feel like I really did come from another planet.

In my situation I think it was lack of confidence. I still felt like the gawky kid on the inside. Plus I tended to attract men, somehow, who harped on any perceived 'flaw' that I had and made me feel ugly. I look at the photos from that time, today, and think, what were they talking about? Clearly it was a way to keep me off balance and manipulate me easier. Others told me this at the time but I did not believe it.

This stuff is complicated...sometimes I think it is a miracle anyone ever gets together at all! Happily, I mean. There are always jerks out there, who will hang around someone til they're bored.

same here.

I can actually recongnise when someone is flirting with me, but can't act on it - socially speaking, i can't think on my feet, hence always too late.

Exactly. I stand there, tongue tied, knowing that they're interested, yet too afraid to say anything. Then I curse myself for weeks.

Well, at least you recognize it!

Yeah? Is it more frustrating to be clueless, or to know what is going on and be entirely unable to act on it? I don't know.

I think most girls(that I'VE met) are attracted to the penis and want sex.


-SpaceCase

The majority of NT girls are sluts and will whore themselves to jocks and gangstas for free.