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Tired of Being On "Probation"

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idlewild
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10 Jan 2015, 9:45 pm

No, he simply wanted me to perform oral with emphasis on a different area of his genitalia. Which I'm hoping is PG enough for this forum.

My point, I think, was that it should be enough to be a thoughtful caring person who is allowed to make mistakes occasionally. But there is something missing in the equation for me because I work really hard to be a good friend/lover/etc yet even with those who understand my limitations a minor miscommunication, request, groan, or slip-up seems to end the relationship.

Possibly they don't believe I have limitations and just think I'm a jerk. I don't know. I guess I will always be someone with a lot of acquaintances rather than relationships.


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Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 159 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 75 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)


Echolalia
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11 Jan 2015, 5:33 am

idlewild wrote:
I don't know. I am just sad tonight. I feel defective and damaged and like all the work I have put into my social skills is pointless. What is the point if I can chit-chat and come off as gregarious for few hours if I can't sustain personal relationships?


I hear you. Been there too. It sucks. :( If it helps my personal relationships have all self combusted in spectacular fashion...no I suppose that doesn't help. :cry:


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Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 161 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 39 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse.


Wafflemarine
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11 Jan 2015, 9:36 pm

Just got to practice the thinking of well I was reasonable, they are the one who is overreacting and doing things wrong. The AS brain tends to dwell and obsess over small details of what we could be doing differently or what we did to mess up.

I am by no means a pro at it and it may seem egotistical to think this way but it helps.


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bryanmaloney
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12 Jan 2015, 11:36 am

idlewild wrote:
I really hate my limitations sometimes.

I lost my best friend because she said something hurtful and instead of being able to sit down right then and there to have a heart-to-heart talk I had to go stim and calm down and process. My figuratively walking away to calm down, even when explained at the time, was perceived as more egregious than her initial betrayal of my confidence.

I had two guys break up with me in the last year because the first time I bring up my needs or express that I feel a particular action of theirs is hurtful, they are gone. I feel like in every single relationship I have, friendship, romantic, work, etc..., I am just one slip up away from losing that relationship. I have to walk on eggshells and "pass" in order to have people in my life


Sounds like the problem isn't the spectrum, the problem is that you haven't yet learned how to pick guys or friends who aren't total losers to begin with. A guy who walks for ANY of the reasons you cite deserves to spend the rest of his life with nothing but his own hand for romance.