Doesn't want to be in a relationship because of my career.

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There's this girl who checks off every box for me. Thin, beautiful, calm demeanor, smart, eats healthy, exercises often. My dream girl. Someone i would be in a long term relationship without a second thought. Our time together has been wonderful. We stare at eachother for hours, we talk for hours, we cuddle for hours, we've already had sex. I'm 27 she is 26 years old.

Here's the issue though. I make just above mimimum wage, dropped out of upgrading for university a total of 4 times, rent out a single room, no car. Guess what? Thats the deal breaker. She says she dosent want to be in a relationship with me because of my situation. I called her out on it and that's how i know. I understand that she wants a guy at the same stage in life, someone with their s**t togeather...so im trying my best not to shame her over this.

She knows I was born with autism and have obsessive compulsive disorder. She also knows I'm medicated. She says that this is all "intriguing". Before she knew any of this she mentioned I'm unlike any guy shes ever met.

What can i do to solidify a relationship with this girl? We are in limbo, texting a few times a day, calling every second day, meeting up sporadically. She obviously likes me alot. She said it herself and shes always complementing me. "smart" "hot" "insightful" "knowledgeable" "spontaneous" "calculated" "kissable" are typical of the things she keeps saying.

I am so confused.

I know if this fails i will have to start lying to my next dates about my career and possibly mental health.

I do not want this to fail. I'm trying hard but at the same time trying to keep my self respect. What are some things i could do in the short term? I already told her im going back to school to upgrade chemistry courses and that my current job is just temporary and my next job i will make $20+ an hour. But this hasn't seemed to help much...she still said she dosent want to be in a relationship.

She says she will continue to be straight up and honest with me. We are both talking to eachother like adults. I've told her exactly how i feel about her "standards" and tried to explain that my professional situation has nothing to do with who i acctually am. But there is no explaining this to prehistoric evolutionary hardwiring...hardwiring that says a man has to be a provider and must have status in the world.

It's a difficult and frustrating situation for me.

What to do next?

Here's whatcha gotta do: Focus on working hard, saving money, studying hard, and advancing your career. Avoid dating altogether and try as best you can to forget her. The way to forget about her is to cease all communication and focus exclusively on your classes when you're not at work. It's not an easy situation and I realize this kind of thing makes you feel insecure. But you have to keep going because there is a way out but you're not going to get immediate results.

There's this girl who checks off every box for me. Thin, beautiful, calm demeanor, smart, eats healthy, exercises often. My dream girl. Someone i would be in a long term relationship without a second thought. Our time together has been wonderful. We stare at eachother for hours, we talk for hours, we cuddle for hours, we've already had sex. I'm 27 she is 26 years old.

Here's the issue though. I make just above mimimum wage, dropped out of upgrading for university a total of 4 times, rent out a single room, no car. Guess what? Thats the deal breaker. She says she dosent want to be in a relationship with me because of my situation. I called her out on it and that's how i know. I understand that she wants a guy at the same stage in life, someone with their s**t togeather...so im trying my best not to shame her over this.

She knows I was born with autism and have obsessive compulsive disorder. She also knows I'm medicated. She says that this is all "intriguing". Before she knew any of this she mentioned I'm unlike any guy shes ever met.

What can i do to solidify a relationship with this girl? We are in limbo, texting a few times a day, calling every second day, meeting up sporadically. She obviously likes me alot. She said it herself and shes always complementing me. "smart" "hot" "insightful" "knowledgeable" "spontaneous" "calculated" "kissable" are typical of the things she keeps saying.

I am so confused.

I know if this fails i will have to start lying to my next dates about my career and possibly mental health.

I do not want this to fail. I'm trying hard but at the same time trying to keep my self respect. What are some things i could do in the short term? I already told her im going back to school to upgrade chemistry courses and that my current job is just temporary and my next job i will make $20+ an hour. But this hasn't seemed to help much...she still said she dosent want to be in a relationship.

She says she will continue to be straight up and honest with me. We are both talking to eachother like adults. I've told her exactly how i feel about her "standards" and tried to explain that my professional situation has nothing to do with who i acctually am. But there is no explaining this to prehistoric evolutionary hardwiring...hardwiring that says a man has to be a provider and must have status in the world.

It's a difficult and frustrating situation for me.

What to do next?

What to do next?

^^^Then she should start dating older guys, with this economy crap it might be hard to find 27 year olds who have their s**t together already.
I don't really see how a relationship would last long term even if you are succesful now: what if you have a good job now but lose it at some point in the future, will she just move on to the next wealthy guy?

To late shes a good friend now, well my only friend...will see where it goes. It's nice to not care anymore though.

Well in that case, just stay friends and nothing more. But srsly, do not give up on your long term goals of getting your degree and getting a better job.

That needs to be your #1 priority right now. NOT romance.

There are plenty of 27 year olds with their s**t together already around here. We also have the highest rate of adult children still living at home with their parents - in part because it's the 2nd least affordable real estate market on the face of the Earth (next to Hong Kong), and in part because of Asian collectivist culture families who's kids tend to stay living with their parents.

Um, the same way any relationship that lasts long term does? By that "what if" logic, no relationships would ever last.. and that simply isn't true. There are many couples that remain together long term. Also, people who tend to have good jobs tend to be the types of people who can go out and get themselves another good job should something go South with the one they have.

When someone makes it this clear that the partner's career is more important than the partner as a person, I don't see why such a relationship would last if the career goes sour.
Some people may call it collectivist culture, I just call it snobbism. The whole idea of "marrying up" instead of marrying the person you want is pretty close to golddiggery.

When someone makes it this clear that the partner's career is more important than the partner as a person, I don't see why such a relationship would last if the career goes sour.
Some people may call it collectivist culture, I just call it snobbism. The whole idea of "marrying up" instead of marrying the person you want is pretty close to golddiggery.

Maybe you're correct if someone places a really high value on career in terms of attraction.

Not sure how collectivist culture = snobbism?? Collectivist cultures live & work together as a family unit vs. every child moving out and being independent. Not sure how that = snobbism??

One of my closest friends (and former coworker) was very right about this in his questing in seeking the right one, he's a senior graphic designer and he makes good money from job and from freelance work.

He was used to observe the girls' attitudes he dates, in late stages, especially when it comes to their attitude toward money; he was used to throw provoking questions regarding this matter too, one of the questions was "If one day I lose my job and I found a hard time to make money, will you stick with me?" - his wife now was the girl who said she loves him and will stick with him no matter what (despite the fact that she was still a junior teacher and college student too) - I recall the day he told me about her answer and he said "she's really the best one I've ever met" .

And that what really happened, our employer went into a sudden bankruptcy, we all lost our jobs for a while - this guy stayed unemployed for 8 months with debts, she sticked to him all the time, they had a baby soon after he worked again. While two other marriages (two male coworkers) ended within the same time.


What many don't understand, that the "she may just want me for money" is a common men fear when dating, we are so paranoid of it, it is the strikingly equivalent of "he may just want me for sex" 's common fear of women.

Funny, it is considered very rude between people here too, except from woman to man in courting, only in this case she's viewed as "she knows what she wants" instead of rude.

Dress like a bum to avoid women getting attracted to you for your money
Although the way he asks it, "will you stay with me if...", won't most girls be smart enough to give the desirable answer? If doubt many are stupid enough to say "no, I'll leave you for a rich guy".

I've been asked on first dates how much is my salary (literally I was asked: "how much is your salary"/"how much you earn?").
Middle eastern girls aren't much different than Asians, Turk girls seem to care less about this thing tho, at least in my perspective and little experience them.

Where I am from, it is seen as INCREDIBLY rude to ask for someones salary unless you are very very very close with them.