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explain to me this double standard on loneliness and honesty

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Geekonychus
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21 Jan 2015, 8:40 am

Klowglas wrote:
Interesting quote:

"Women have no sympathy... And my experience of women is almost as large as Europe. And it is so intimate too. Women crave for being loved, not for loving. They scream at you for sympathy all day long, they are incapable of giving you any in return for they cannot remember your affairs long enough to do so." -- Florence Nightingale

Full article with discussing women as it pertains to sympathy and empathy (with that quote) here:http://no-maam.blogspot.ca/2006/01/very-few-women-are-capable-of.html

Most women are unable to give as much empathy for men in weakness, and it's probably why they're unable to settle with second best (the dreaded friend-zone) or the flaws that a lot of male aspies here are riddled with. That's why I say, because women have inherit value, they cannot imagine a world where they are totally worthless, men largely, through various periods of their lives, have to deal with the cruel reality that we are the disposable gender, but it's the experience of being worthless that allows man to more effectively empathize and sympathize with those around him.

I can imagine that it's also part of the 'tough love' that good fathers typically display, the father loves the child just as much as the mother although the father is quite well aware of the pain the child might be faced with considering the child's performance deficiencies, a mother would nurture the deficiency for the illusion of competence, the father, knowing well in advance of the pain that awaits the child when they discover the brutal truth, instead, tries to veer the child towards other strengths, or he might nurture that weakness through strict and harsh discipline, all to protect him from becoming inferior, hence disposable. The mother doesn't see that reality because she's never tasted it, never felt it, never been maligned by it, because sex has far too much value than it should.


^^^
This post pretty much sums up the issue as to why guys on here tend to struggle.

When pity doesn't translate to sex or a healthy relationship (it never does) the person will look for any excuse to blame the other gender as if they should be entitled to a chance at a relationship with that person simply because they are lonely.

Lonelyness isn't attractive, which is why you shouldn't be using it as a pickup tactic. Assuming the reason it failed is because women have no empathy just creates a cycle of sexist confirmation bias that will ensure no chance at success in the future as well. If all you can bring to the table is an emo attitude and blatant sexism, it doesn't surprise me when you utterly fail.

Amusing how when women aren't sympathetic to your pity party they are insenitive monsters with an empathy deficit, but when men don't act sympathetic it's called "Tough Love." Classic. :lol:



Klowglas
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21 Jan 2015, 9:09 am

People who are lonely are lonely for real reasons, if this world had any capacity for empathy, we'd be able to accept each other for all of our flaws, because our flaws is what makes us human, more so than our strengths and perfections.

It's the same with a good story, notice how the protagonist in any good story is always in a state great weakness, but through the story, we connect with him or her, through the story we EMPATHIZE because now we understand there are real reasons for their predicament, and we begin to like them when we put ourselves in their shoes -- in the shoes of weakness, powerlessness, obscurity. We want them to succeed, not because they're powerful, but because they're weak.

The immense value placed upon sex, by society, ensures that most women very rarely will ever have to face that obscurity, and because of that, she is unable to emotionally connect to lonely people, because she has never truly been there. She might tell you she's lonely, but the trick here is that she's lonely for a very particular kind of man.

Where is a woman's tenderness that we were led to believe? where is her mildness, understanding, her gentleness, her humility? All of these things have been revealed as a sham when people look down upon others because of their imperfections, being unable to connect with a lonely person shows a nasty epidemic, it shows a sick world that only cares for itself.



Geekonychus
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21 Jan 2015, 10:10 am

Klowglas wrote:
People who are lonely are lonely for real reasons, if this world had any capacity for empathy, we'd be able to accept each other for all of our flaws, because our flaws is what makes us human, more so than our strengths and perfections.

It's the same with a good story, notice how the protagonist in any good story is always in a state great weakness, but through the story, we connect with him or her, through the story we EMPATHIZE because now we understand there are real reasons for their predicament, and we begin to like them when we put ourselves in their shoes -- in the shoes of weakness, powerlessness, obscurity. We want them to succeed, not because they're powerful, but because they're weak.

The immense value placed upon sex, by society, ensures that most women very rarely will ever have to face that obscurity, and because of that, she is unable to emotionally connect to lonely people, because she has never truly been there. She might tell you she's lonely, but the trick here is that she's lonely for a very particular kind of man.

Where is a woman's tenderness that we were led to believe? where is her mildness, understanding, her gentleness, her humility? All of these things have been revealed as a sham when people look down upon others because of their imperfections, being unable to connect with a lonely person shows a nasty epidemic, it shows a sick world that only cares for itself.


There's nothing stopping anyone from feeling empathy for a person who is lonely. There's also nothing forcing a person to be attracted to someone who is lonely. You seem to be lamenting the fact that you don't live in a world where "pity dating" is a viable option.

More to the point, do you actually think constantly banging the "women are shallow and heartless by nature" drum is going to illicit a sympthetic reaction from anyone (especially women)?



Klowglas
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21 Jan 2015, 11:40 am

Empathy would make you feel attraction though, just as you feel attraction for any other character, the story makes them come alive. If a person can see that within others, they will find attraction, but it's a perspective largely gained through experience.

My intention is to find the truth, not to be liked. Giving love to people who need it is a great height of human affection, and there are few that need it more than the lonely. Hungry mouths should be fed, thirst should be quenched, that's not too much to ask for, is it? Apparently so...and I find that strikingly cruel. There are children who are going to be born lonely for all of their childhood, and if a woman can't give that once child-turned-man, love, because of that loneliness, then there is very little hope for the future.

Women need to accept weakness in a man, but sadly, that's wisdom that's largely in the man's domain, which is what allows us to admire weakness in a women. The sadness here is that this fact causes men to internalize pain and anguish, which I think drives us into committing suicide more often, there is simply no room for weak men.

But it is as you say, there will be no sympathy for weakness, which goes to prove my point, there isn't any tenderness here, there isn't any softness, just the cold and brutal truth that it was all just a sham.



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21 Jan 2015, 12:13 pm

[MODERATOR WARNING]

This topic is slowly sliding towards the point where it violates WP's rules.

Seriously, knock-it-off with the lamentations on how awful the opposite sex is, otherwise, this topic will be locked and the offending parties will be issued official warnings.

[/WARNING]


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21 Jan 2015, 12:47 pm

I for one love the opposite sex unconditionally. They're the greatest mystery in the known universe.


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Geekonychus
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21 Jan 2015, 1:06 pm

Klowglas wrote:
Empathy would make you feel attraction though, just as you feel attraction for any other character, the story makes them come alive. If a person can see that within others, they will find attraction, but it's a perspective largely gained through experience.

My intention is to find the truth, not to be liked. Giving love to people who need it is a great height of human affection, and there are few that need it more than the lonely. Hungry mouths should be fed, thirst should be quenched, that's not too much to ask for, is it? Apparently so...and I find that strikingly cruel. There are children who are going to be born lonely for all of their childhood, and if a woman can't give that once child-turned-man, love, because of that loneliness, then there is very little hope for the future.

Women need to accept weakness in a man, but sadly, that's wisdom that's largely in the man's domain, which is what allows us to admire weakness in a women. The sadness here is that this fact causes men to internalize pain and anguish, which I think drives us into committing suicide more often, there is simply no room for weak men.

But it is as you say, there will be no sympathy for weakness, which goes to prove my point, there isn't any tenderness here, there isn't any softness, just the cold and brutal truth that it was all just a sham.


I don't think you understand what empathy is. It's why you can make sweeping generalizations about how women are cruel and heartless by nature because they don't give you pity sex and somehow still think you deserve a sympathetic reaction from people. If you had an ounce of self-awareness, you'd realize that your attitude is far more likely to attract pity and disgust than actual sympathy and it has nothing to do with you being lonely or inferior.

If you want sympathy than you should actually behave like someone worth sympathyzing with. Not a sanctimonious moralizer who expects sympathy (and sex) from the same people he openly demeans.



Booyakasha
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21 Jan 2015, 1:11 pm

Geekonychus wrote:
Klowglas wrote:
Empathy would make you feel attraction though, just as you feel attraction for any other character, the story makes them come alive. If a person can see that within others, they will find attraction, but it's a perspective largely gained through experience.

My intention is to find the truth, not to be liked. Giving love to people who need it is a great height of human affection, and there are few that need it more than the lonely. Hungry mouths should be fed, thirst should be quenched, that's not too much to ask for, is it? Apparently so...and I find that strikingly cruel. There are children who are going to be born lonely for all of their childhood, and if a woman can't give that once child-turned-man, love, because of that loneliness, then there is very little hope for the future.

Women need to accept weakness in a man, but sadly, that's wisdom that's largely in the man's domain, which is what allows us to admire weakness in a women. The sadness here is that this fact causes men to internalize pain and anguish, which I think drives us into committing suicide more often, there is simply no room for weak men.

But it is as you say, there will be no sympathy for weakness, which goes to prove my point, there isn't any tenderness here, there isn't any softness, just the cold and brutal truth that it was all just a sham.


I don't think you understand what empathy is. It's why you can make sweeping generalizations about how women are cruel and heartless by nature because they don't give you pity sex and somehow still think you deserve a sympathetic reaction from people. If you had an ounce of self-awareness, you'd realize that your attitude is far more likely to attract pity and disgust than actual sympathy and it has nothing to do with you being lonely or inferior.

If you want sympathy than you should actually behave like someone worth sympathyzing with. Not a sanctimonious moralizer who expects sympathy (and sex) from the same people he openly demeans.



Didn't you read what XFilesGeek wrote? Please, keep it within the forum rules, without getting personal, otherwise this thread will be locked.



Geekonychus
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21 Jan 2015, 1:33 pm

Booyakasha wrote:
Geekonychus wrote:
Klowglas wrote:
Empathy would make you feel attraction though, just as you feel attraction for any other character, the story makes them come alive. If a person can see that within others, they will find attraction, but it's a perspective largely gained through experience.

My intention is to find the truth, not to be liked. Giving love to people who need it is a great height of human affection, and there are few that need it more than the lonely. Hungry mouths should be fed, thirst should be quenched, that's not too much to ask for, is it? Apparently so...and I find that strikingly cruel. There are children who are going to be born lonely for all of their childhood, and if a woman can't give that once child-turned-man, love, because of that loneliness, then there is very little hope for the future.

Women need to accept weakness in a man, but sadly, that's wisdom that's largely in the man's domain, which is what allows us to admire weakness in a women. The sadness here is that this fact causes men to internalize pain and anguish, which I think drives us into committing suicide more often, there is simply no room for weak men.

But it is as you say, there will be no sympathy for weakness, which goes to prove my point, there isn't any tenderness here, there isn't any softness, just the cold and brutal truth that it was all just a sham.


I don't think you understand what empathy is. It's why you can make sweeping generalizations about how women are cruel and heartless by nature because they don't give you pity sex and somehow still think you deserve a sympathetic reaction from people. If you had an ounce of self-awareness, you'd realize that your attitude is far more likely to attract pity and disgust than actual sympathy and it has nothing to do with you being lonely or inferior.

If you want sympathy than you should actually behave like someone worth sympathyzing with. Not a sanctimonious moralizer who expects sympathy (and sex) from the same people he openly demeans.



Didn't you read what XFilesGeek wrote? Please, keep it within the forum rules, without getting personal, otherwise this thread will be locked.


Clearly you didn't. Pointing out when a specific person is behaving in a way that's sexist and undeserving of sympathy is not gender stereotyping. If I said "all socially awkward men have sexist attitudes like klowglas" then yes, that would be sexist. Thankfully (for the sake of women everywhere), I don't believe that's the case by any means.

Despite Klowglas's claim that female's have a deficient brain, incapable of true empathy, there are plenty of lonely awkward men who find relationships with women everyday........

Maybe this thread should be locked as there's no shortage of "women are shallow and heartless" drumbeating going on in this forum already.



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21 Jan 2015, 1:54 pm

Yeah, this thread should be locked.