How does one behave on a 'second date'?

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Honestly, I do want to initiate some kind of flirting for the first time.

I understand being 'natural' and just letting things happen, but when has that ever properly worked for us ASPIES?

I've always been at least 75% natural, 25% planned and I don't plan to stop now...

Sometimes i'd like to do a little planning.

Here's one idea I had:

Like I said before, she likes to write stories and wrote an erotic story.

She also mentioned one time that she likes to feel the emotions before writing something (for example she makes herself feel sad before writing a sad story, and angry before writing anger).

At one point I was going to ask her again "So, you like to FEEL the emotions of whatever you're writing?" and she will say yes and talk a bit.

I'll then laugh a tiny bit and say 'Well, you know what that means? (pause) You must of been REALLY "lonely" that night when you wrote that erotic story!!" then laugh a little at her as a joke.

I'd then say "Maybe you could start getting back into it (I pretend to type on her laptop, imitating her) Ty (me) was always the sweet, caring, and dashingly handsome gentlemen I thought he was, but behind closed doors he was a reckless, wild WARRIOR!" laugh a little

This implies many different things without revealing my feelings too strongly and remaining a flirty joke...

I'm not sure if it's a good idea or not though. It might only make things awkward between us, or she could just think of it as a 'joke' and ignore what it implies.

Some good websites like that Wikihow on flirting that was linked earlier have all made me realize something:

They say you should not make them wonder IF you like them or not, but just HOW MUCH.

So, next time I see her, I want to compliment her on her looks straight away like the other's have mentioned. Then halfway through I want to do what i said above...

I want to touch her like I usually do on the shoulder and arms gently and even touch feet under the table 'accidentally' without moving my feet away.

I want to ask her on a third get together, but I am not sure where. I don't just want to get coffee with her again at the same place. I actually want to go to one of our houses Friday afternoon or do something else like go for a walk under the stars together or something else semi-romantic. Like I said I want to ask her if she wants a relationship the third time I see her but need a PERFECT location where we could walk and then sit under the stars of something like that...

At the end, I was also thinking of hugging her goodbye like someone else mentioned.

What I was going to do was this:

- We both walk outside the restaurant. Maybe I'll ask if I can see her car. Once I have a look and she gets ready to leave, I really like having a lot of fun with together with her, will say I had a great time, I hope to see her again friday, etc. I'll then say:

"Oh, one last thing. (pause) looks her in the eyes. (pause) I'm going to be really, really random and spontaneous here and do THIS (Hug her very quickly and softly, then quickly letting go) I really did have a great time, now before we talk about what the heck I just did, I'm going to leave right NOW! Goodbye, I'll see you at school!" then quickly leave.

With the hug I kind of want to catch her completely by surprise, and leave just as quickly. I want her to actually THINK about why I did it and what it means.

The negative thing is it might make her stand-off or things more awkward.

That's the thing. It could be positive or negative. It could make her wonder and start thinking more about me and my behavior and what this means for me and her.

And that's not a bad thing. That's a good thing. To make them think about your behavior and question if they only want to be friends or if they want something more. I think it makes a person less surprised by the idea of a relationship.

Some people would NEVER think of a relationship with a certain person.

I want to avoid that. I want to try and make her question what my feelings for her are, what she thinks of me, how i behave towards her and if she feels this is what she would want in a relationship, if i am ideal for her.

But like I said the hug might make her uncomfortable in the future or anything really. She could even, worst case scenario, hit me in self defense and think im doing more than just hugging her.

Considering I'm so young and inexperienced, I'd like to know how ALL of these ideas would work...

Are they good ideas or bad ideas?

Could I do all of them or only some?

What changes need to be made to my ideas?

Like I said, I am 75% natural, 25% planning. Thoughts/views on what I am thinking of doing?

It would depend upon her attitude to you. If you are already witty with her, and she responds to it, then your plans might work.

If she's standoffish yet seemingly interested, anyway, then I'd be more cautious.

If she laughs easily, "footsie" might work; otherwise, I wouldn't do it.

Maybe you could incorporate the ideas you stated above into your writing--the show her what you wrote. See how she responds.

The "hug"--depends on her attitude to touch.

Maybe not footsie, just while talking I would subtlytouch feet gently without stopping. I've done it before though and it seemed to work. Will try it a few more times in school during class. Just while talking to her gentle touch feet or knees and pretend im not noticing at all.

Hug...well, she seems open to touch. I've only known her for a few weeks and touched her shoulder, arm a little, touched feet a little, etc. But a hug, especially a quick one, is a big thing.

Incorporate my ideas into my writing...I'm not sure what you mean?

As in, tell her I wrote a story about us, then show her?

That's an interesting idea...

Don't tell her it's about her--unless she really seems like an open person.

LOL....you must go to a loosey-goosy school if they allow footsie-type things in class.

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 22 Mar 2015, 8:24 am, edited 1 time in total.

Oh yes, of course.

Do you mean to say, make an attempt at writing an erotic story and ask HER for tips/advice on how to improve?

Which would, obviously, make for an awkward conversation between the two of us but also open up the potential to end up making flirting or talking about each other instead of the story.

Eg. "I wrote 'Ty was always the sweet, caring, dashingly handsome young gentlemen she thought he was' wouldn't you agree I've described myself perfectly?"
Let's say she disagrees.
"Why not? Don't you just think I have that 'flair'? That smile that makes you think of me long after? (smiles)
she might say something.
"Come on. I wasn't afraid to admit I think you look nice tonight (because I would have complimented her earlier) there has to be something you like about me? Be honest. If I'm going to be describing my best features in a story, I kind of need to know what they are. I'd like a second opinion on the matter. (looks around) any volunteers (looks at her) looks like it's YOU."

Definitely not erotic....more along the lines of amorous.

The dialogue you wrote is suitable for a "young adult novel"--I would express deeper meanings like: "I sense Altruism in you, despite it being out of style. Your eyes are open, and evoke a desire for MORE." Then the character kisses the girl's hand in a chivalric manner, and looks intently at the girl with a smile of longing.

This way, she might find the content pedantic--then offer her notions on how to make it more accessible.

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 22 Mar 2015, 8:39 am, edited 1 time in total.

show her your poetic side

say looking into your eyes is like an injection of cocaine. And your hair is like my dogs.


Actually don't listen to me.

Last edited by darkphantomx1 on 22 Mar 2015, 8:39 am, edited 1 time in total.

So, what you're saying:

Write a romantic/love story about myself and an unknown female.

Maybe even describe the female's features and personality to be so similar that she will obviously recognize it is supposed to be her but if she asks object and deny that it is her and say it is a completely different person. (or maybe i shouldnt do this).

Describe positive attiributes about myself and ask if she agrees with them. If she does not, to help me write my story I will need someone else to describe the things about me they like both personality-wise and physically so that I can describe myself correctly in the story.

This will have to be her as no one else would be able to do it.

By doing this it can reveal how she feels about me and what she thinks about my better and what she likes about me...?

Are you sure about this?

It's brilliant! You should do that.


Women like surprise and creativity right? It's so brilliant, that it might actually work.

That's just it. I'm not. My ideas and everyone elses have all been mixed together and lost and I am not sure what to do or think now...

Please, if someone could read through the previous posts and organize the ideas into something that would work absolutely perfectly without coming on too strong or being too shy to express any of my feelings that would be great...

Um, I don't think that's such a good idea. If writing such a story is for no other reason than to get her attention or to get into her pants, then it's a bit fake. If you want to talk about feelings, then do so directly and don't use subterfuge to do it. Why not just talk about a topic of mutual interest?

Last edited by Jono on 22 Mar 2015, 8:57 am, edited 1 time in total.

You really think so? Hm.

Many of these ideas are also things I think would work better on our third meetup not the second. So thank you all in advance as well for giving me so many things to think about the third time I see her if things go well the second time.

The question is right now how to organize all these ideas, figure out what i will do the second time i see her, and then reserve what belongs in the third time i see her..

This romantic story idea will definitely work better for the third time i see her, especially since then is when i want to ask her to be my girlfriend.

She always loves to carry her laptop around.

Perhaps by thursday or friday i will have the story finished and on a usb.

We will go for a nice walk under the stars at night or something similarly romantic, gentle and peaceful.

Maybe under the stars, in the fall moonlight we can sit down somewhere together and she can get her laptop out and i can show her the story. Instead of just letting her read it silently, I will read it myself to her loudly and clearly.

I WILL not reveal that she is the female and will pretend the female is someone else.

Maybe ask her for her thoughts on the story. If she thinks it is a sweet, romantic, touching story, etc.

Then here comes the surprise - do you want to know who that girl was? And, do you want to know who the male in the story was?

I will make the boy is the one who wrote the story about the girl and how he would treat her and what they would do together once they are in a relationship, etc.

I will reveal the male is...myself,, and that SHE is the female. I will reveal that, yes, it was me describing my feelings of her and what I would do for her and how i would treat her etc. once we are in a relationship.

I will then ask her if she would like to have a relationship with me, and experience this story TOGETHER, MAKING IT A REALITY...

But overall I am just so confused on what to do.

I do want the second time to still be about just talking and getting to know each other but like ive always said i have alwas been 75% natural, 25% planning.

Even if i only do small and subtle things the second time i see her i still dont want to end the meetup knowing i did nothing at all that would help me progress.

I am going to compliment her on her looks when i see her, that is for sure.

I will still touch her shoulder etc. like i normally have and she doesn't seem to mind.

We will talk about mutual interests and anything else together.

Maybe talk about each others stories as well.

But beyond that what else?

The hug is a possibility so long as I am at least 75% sure of what her reaction would be...

Is this it?

Last edited by Outrider on 22 Mar 2015, 8:57 am, edited 1 time in total.

How much you want to bet that your 'dream girl' somehow stumbled onto Wrong Planet and is reading your posts right now? Talk about embarrassing... Actually if she's secretly stalking you, then she likes you almost guaranteed because if she didn't fancy you, then she really doesn't give a crap what you do.

Look on the bright side to all of this if it doesn't work out and she rejects you. You're 16 years old and have already accomplished what most aspies cannot when they're 16. Hell when I was 16, I couldn't even talk to a girl without freezing up and I still have trouble talking to girls I like but i'm definitely better now. If you were to ask 100 aspies had they been on a date when they were 16, I bet 90 would say no. So just be proud of yourself, if it works out then great. If it doesn't, then that's okay too. Don't be afraid to make small mistakes as you can learn from mistakes like I have.


One more thing, don't listen to me when it comes to dating advice. It's pretty obvious iv'e never been on a date before. I in general just like giving stupid/funny answers to things I have no knowledge in.

Last edited by darkphantomx1 on 22 Mar 2015, 9:06 am, edited 2 times in total.

I enjoy your premise......but she might find it cliched.

Write that stuff--but incorporate your philosophical notions, and how she might respond to them in juxtaposition.

Remember: amorous, but not erotic.

The things I want to do on the third date, write a short romance story about the two of us, admit it was us and ask her to be my girlfriend is a bit of a big jump.

That's why i want to use this second meeting as a SMOOTH transition like I have said.

There's just GOT to be a way.

A half hangout half date thing.

To still hang out only as a friend, but to also reveal my feelings a bit more or at least give her clues to think about what my feelings might be, without her realizing i love her.

Does anyone honestly know how I might do this (or even just any other aspies who need the advice?)?

A half-way area between 'two people getting to know each other as friends' and 'two people getting to know each other, analysing the other person's qualities and how they might do in a relationship, and thinking about if the other person already has feelings for them or not'.

This balance is all I am asking...just how will we get there?

This is why I have always thought of the 'three date' rule.

Date 1 is getting to know them.

Date 2 needs to be a halfway point.

and Date 3 needs to be the time where it all comes out and the question is asked.

Without Date 2, Date 3 will be a sudden and unexpected jump.

So you see a person two times as a normal friend, and then suddenly read them a love story and say it was about the two of you?

This is creepy and will drive the person away.

Date 1 is a pure hangout.

Date 2 CONFUSES the two. It needs to make them question how the other person feels and how much they feel for the other person and if some potential exists.

Date 3 is the ANSWER to this confusion.

I want to try and talk to her as a friend, but then afterwards make her THINK about my behavior and what it all means. By Date 3 her questions in her head will be answered.

"Why does he keep doing this to me?"

"Is he FLIRTING with me?"

"Could he actually have FEELINGS for me?"

etc.

She is an author and is really good at reading between the lines but I think even she would be unable to answer these questions for the time being until finally I will make the reveal...

Last edited by Outrider on 22 Mar 2015, 9:07 am, edited 1 time in total.