Chemistry?

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So I was right about my prediction.

You did have a boyfriend lately .

Your case is calling lack of communication, or simply "he's boring" - call it as it is, why using the ambiguous Chemistry word?

Chemistry is a stupid word to be used in romance context, and it's a term often used by women rather by men because it sounds mystifying, like the horoscopes.

ie. I met him on first date, but I didn't like him, I didn't find him sexually attractive --> Sounds shallow and dirty.

ie. I met him on first date, but there was no Chemistry --> Sounds mystifying and deep.

Only twice (two different girls) and it was only really due to ridiculous amounts of coincidences between us & reminders of them followed by even more absurd amounts of coincidences & reminders. I think it has more to do with some kind of phenomenon when desires just so-happen to converge & your "minds" somehow become "linked" in that "spooky interaction at a distance" fashion. This has only happened during times of my life when I engaged in such activities like frequent & consistent meditation™ (i.e.: practice of increasing mental-sensitivity to surroundings since I was mostly meditating in the context of a martial artist training up his mental-perceptions/awareness-levels for being able to better-detect potential surrounding dangers).

Oh, so physical attraction is a part of it, just not all of it?

I could cry. No, no I didn't. I have a friend of a friend who doesn't have any interest in me at all. That's not what a boyfriend is. A boyfriend is usually someone who is aware that you exist and someone that you've at least been on a date with. He would be bewildered that I'd so misrepresented him that people were calling him my boyfriend. He's also a few years younger than me, so I haven't got the confidence to make a move in case I'm seen as a sad old spinster freak. He's just such a decent person he piqued my interest. Our mutual friend invited us to a party with several other mutual friends. Woo, my one of two parties I get invited to a year, that's probably my quota used up now...



Well, I think there's some truth to that in general, but that's not what I meant, he's not boring, he's got a great sense of humour, but I have communication issues and I think I need someone that can talk to me because if they are quiet I often can't think of anything to say. I genuinely don't think he likes me.

Yes, that's how I feel anyway. I'm beginning to think that it's not like that for everyone and the sexual spark trumps all other things for most people, but once upon a time I was good friends with this guy who I had a real connection with. We could talk and talk for hours about anything and everything and it was enjoyable conversation. I just completely enjoyed being around him and enjoying his company. It was just a bonus that I found him attractive. He became more attractive to me the more I got to know him. Anyway, I thought there was a great connection, but by the time I got round to asking him out he had found someone else and now they're married with children. He told me quite clearly that he was not in love with me.

Also having read the other post you wrote and I agree that I mostly hear the words "Spark" and "chemistry" come from women. Some told me that they felt a spark with me. Others say we had chemistry. The only time I used the chemistry line on someone to let them down, I remember them laughing in my face afterwards. They then called me an idiot for saying such a thing.

Bottom line- Chemistry is often used as a polite letdown by women towards men. Men using it just sounds weird.

The funny thing that it's cross cultural, there are similar terms in French and Arabic and they are used mostly by women.
What's even more funny, that women aren't aware these words aren't used by men.

Where do they learn this stuff? I bet from romantic novels/movies.

That's not how I use it, but maybe it's how most women use it. I can be sexually attracted to someone but not feel any chemistry, because the sexual attraction is all there is, or it is one sided, or something like that. Chemistry is a feeling that both parties are experiencing a similar rapport with each other, IMO. A person who thinks there is chemistry might be mistaken in thinking it is mutual, but the perception of it being mutual is there. So, for example, if I'm into someone and I think they are bored by me, I would say there is no chemistry. If I am into someone and it seems like they feel the same and that there is an eagerness to learn more about each other, I'd probably call that chemistry.

Is chemistry just a fancy term for mutual interest?

Hahaha, that's too.

It can be a fancy term for mutual interest.

Or even one-sided interest

Or/And sexual interest, regardless if two sided or not.

..etc

Just a stupid fancy word.

Shy people usually do better with more talkative people. When you get two shy people together, there can be a lot of awkward pauses, and miscommunications.

I can talk to people just fine, as long as they talk to me, but when I come into contact with a really shy person, there is a pressure on me to carry the conversation (in which I am not good at).

The only time I have felt it in my life has been with my husband. It was the first time I didn't feel like I had to put on an act all the time. He made me feel less self conscious, although that has never completely gone but that is my issue not anything he does to make me feel that way. I never believed in the saying 'felt like I've known them to years' but with him it was true, it felt like we had always been together not yet met.

It's a fancy term for a WOMAN's interest. Men are usually happy to have any woman interested in them, real reason be damned.

Iv'e never felt chemistry with a girl before. When I talk to girls, it either goes two ways.

I show too much interest and they think i'm a creeper so they ignore me.

I show too little interest so they think i'm unfriendly and they quickly move on.


I never win when it comes to girls. I wish I wasn't so f*****g shy and I wish I wasn't autistic. Iv'e never gotten a girls number in my life, never had a gf never kissed still a virgin, I'd be lucky to even talk to a girl. I'm a f*****g loser and I doubt that's going to change.

So treat your AS symptoms and change everything for the better. Or do as you've always done and get as you've always got.

Wow I was in a bad mood that day...


What's a chemistry? I failed that class.