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Back from a date uncomfortable....

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The_Face_of_Boo
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06 Jun 2015, 12:31 pm

^ -___- Most of them coming with their bfs anyway.



0_equals_true
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06 Jun 2015, 1:14 pm

That lunch date sounded terrible. Eeek you did the right thing. Probably something to do with social affirmation.

I hate the idea of being an accessory.



The_Face_of_Boo
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06 Jun 2015, 1:31 pm

0_equals_true wrote:
That lunch date sounded terrible. Eeek you did the right thing. Probably something to do with social affirmation.

I hate the idea of being an accessory.


All what she said on friday is suggesting to have a lunch after her volley training - so I assumed it's only me and her, at worst I she would drag a friend along (it's not uncommon here and something I expect by default) but not the whole horde.

It was all set by her, she told them she's bringing someone along - and the lunch is in her friend's house, not at a restaurant either.

I politely withdrew telling her I assessed things and I think I am not ready for a relationship now (I realized that is partially true btw).



Aristophanes
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06 Jun 2015, 5:45 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I politely withdrew telling her I assessed things and I think I am not ready for a relationship now (I realized that is partially true btw).

You should have told her the truth: "You don't seem to be over your ex-boyfriend and I'm looking to be more than a temporary accessory." She needs to know this or she's just gonna keep making the same mistake in the future of attaching her entire identity to another guy from the past.

But if you just didnt care you should have used the nuclear option: "I don't feel comfortable meeting a bunch of dudes I've never met, I don't know which one of your friends might be involved with ISIS. Plus my favorite new MMO game comes out tomorrow so I'm gonna be waist deep in cheetos and pop cans." Game over. Guaranteed.



The_Face_of_Boo
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06 Jun 2015, 6:02 pm

Aristophanes wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I politely withdrew telling her I assessed things and I think I am not ready for a relationship now (I realized that is partially true btw).

You should have told her the truth: "You don't seem to be over your ex-boyfriend and I'm looking to be more than a temporary accessory." She needs to know this or she's just gonna keep making the same mistake in the future of attaching her entire identity to another guy from the past.


eh no use, I clearly told her that on first meetup "You don't seem to be over your ex" and she denied it.


Quote:
But if you just didnt care you should have used the nuclear option: "I don't feel comfortable meeting a bunch of dudes I've never met, I don't know which one of your friends might be involved with ISIS. Plus my favorite new MMO game comes out tomorrow so I'm gonna be waist deep in cheetos and pop cans." Game over. Guaranteed.


That would be a charming exit :lol:. She's not Arab nor muslim btw; nor her friends are I guess.



Aristophanes
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06 Jun 2015, 7:05 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Aristophanes wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I politely withdrew telling her I assessed things and I think I am not ready for a relationship now (I realized that is partially true btw).

You should have told her the truth: "You don't seem to be over your ex-boyfriend and I'm looking to be more than a temporary accessory." She needs to know this or she's just gonna keep making the same mistake in the future of attaching her entire identity to another guy from the past.


eh no use, I clearly told her that on first meetup "You don't seem to be over your ex" and she denied it.


Quote:
But if you just didnt care you should have used the nuclear option: "I don't feel comfortable meeting a bunch of dudes I've never met, I don't know which one of your friends might be involved with ISIS. Plus my favorite new MMO game comes out tomorrow so I'm gonna be waist deep in cheetos and pop cans." Game over. Guaranteed.


That would be a charming exit :lol:. She's not Arab nor muslim btw; nor her friends are I guess.


Still, where you're at it's just a generic insult. But yeah if she's not listening to reason she's not listening to reason and you're better off with someone that has both feet on the ground.



yellowtamarin
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07 Jun 2015, 1:06 am

Most of it does sound iffy, but on the 2 month thing, I wouldn't actually worry about that as a single dealbreaker type scenario. Some people just more on quickly, sometimes the relationship has been "over" for a lot longer than officially over, etc. It *could* be an issue but I wouldn't immediately red flag it as necessarily going to be a rebound thing.



sly279
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07 Jun 2015, 4:31 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
0_equals_true wrote:
That lunch date sounded terrible. Eeek you did the right thing. Probably something to do with social affirmation.

I hate the idea of being an accessory.


All what she said on friday is suggesting to have a lunch after her volley training - so I assumed it's only me and her, at worst I she would drag a friend along (it's not uncommon here and something I expect by default) but not the whole horde.

It was all set by her, she told them she's bringing someone along - and the lunch is in her friend's house, not at a restaurant either.

I politely withdrew telling her I assessed things and I think I am not ready for a relationship now (I realized that is partially true btw).


at least you got a date. >.>

yeah I wouldn't have gone on a date that involved meeting at her friends or even her house, then i also would not go to meet up with a bunch of her friends(strangers) both of those together heck no.

you iphone shows pictures in the recent call sections. mine doesn't :(



The_Face_of_Boo
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07 Jun 2015, 2:49 pm

sly279 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
0_equals_true wrote:
That lunch date sounded terrible. Eeek you did the right thing. Probably something to do with social affirmation.

I hate the idea of being an accessory.


All what she said on friday is suggesting to have a lunch after her volley training - so I assumed it's only me and her, at worst I she would drag a friend along (it's not uncommon here and something I expect by default) but not the whole horde.

It was all set by her, she told them she's bringing someone along - and the lunch is in her friend's house, not at a restaurant either.

I politely withdrew telling her I assessed things and I think I am not ready for a relationship now (I realized that is partially true btw).


at least you got a date. >.>





Sometimes I feel wanting to smack you.

But that's just a thought, don't worry :lol:



0_equals_true
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07 Jun 2015, 2:56 pm

That "date" sounded like a personal hell. I'd rather be dragged backwards through a thorn bush.



sly279
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07 Jun 2015, 4:14 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
sly279 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
0_equals_true wrote:
That lunch date sounded terrible. Eeek you did the right thing. Probably something to do with social affirmation.

I hate the idea of being an accessory.


All what she said on friday is suggesting to have a lunch after her volley training - so I assumed it's only me and her, at worst I she would drag a friend along (it's not uncommon here and something I expect by default) but not the whole horde.

It was all set by her, she told them she's bringing someone along - and the lunch is in her friend's house, not at a restaurant either.

I politely withdrew telling her I assessed things and I think I am not ready for a relationship now (I realized that is partially true btw).


at least you got a date. >.>





Sometimes I feel wanting to smack you.

But that's just a thought, don't worry :lol:


why. because I think you should be happy and look at the bright side that you got a date while many other aspies will never get one.



Janissy
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07 Jun 2015, 4:15 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
0_equals_true wrote:
That lunch date sounded terrible. Eeek you did the right thing. Probably something to do with social affirmation.

I hate the idea of being an accessory.


All what she said on friday is suggesting to have a lunch after her volley training - so I assumed it's only me and her, at worst I she would drag a friend along (it's not uncommon here and something I expect by default) but not the whole horde.

It was all set by her, she told them she's bringing someone along - and the lunch is in her friend's house, not at a restaurant either.

I politely withdrew telling her I assessed things and I think I am not ready for a relationship now (I realized that is partially true btw).


Ah well. I suppose her next step would have been having you wear the same clothes he always wore and then trying to get you to cut your hair like him. (There was an episode of The Simpsons where a grieving Ned Flanders has lost his wife and starts dating again and after telling his date she reminds him of his wife, he starts trying to get her to look more and more as his wife did).

Trying to slot you into her life in exactly the place where her boyfriend had been (hanging out at her house in a couples' get together like you had already been together....3 years) was a big red flag.



androbot01
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07 Jun 2015, 4:17 pm

Stop comparing yourself to others, sly. And if you can't, then compare yourself to starving kids. It can always be worse as easily as better.



0_equals_true
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07 Jun 2015, 5:28 pm

sly279 wrote:
why. because I think you should be happy and look at the bright side that you got a date while many other aspies will never get one.


People can be happy they got a date, but they don't get off on the fact that other people resent them. I think people can see through that a mile away.



The_Face_of_Boo
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08 Jun 2015, 1:04 am

0_equals_true wrote:
sly279 wrote:
why. because I think you should be happy and look at the bright side that you got a date while many other aspies will never get one.


People can be happy they got a date, but they don't get off on the fact that other people resent them. I think people can see through that a mile away.



The thing is, there's nothing to envy; it's the first date since ages - and it's just because I look like her ex and she's desperate for a quick replacement, as it turned out to be.

If sly happened to be near her, available and looks like her ex, she would have dated him too.

There's nothing more special to it, it was just by mere luck.



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 08 Jun 2015, 1:18 am, edited 1 time in total.

sly279
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08 Jun 2015, 1:14 am

0_equals_true wrote:
sly279 wrote:
why. because I think you should be happy and look at the bright side that you got a date while many other aspies will never get one.


People can be happy they got a date, but they don't get off on the fact that other people resent them. I think people can see through that a mile away.


whose resenting who? ^o.o>