Why **Love & Sex** Are Just Too Dangerous For Some Aspies

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Hehehe , ironically it's because of what you just said (which I think about to myself all the time) that I refrain from doing/saying so many things that others (who don't think about this) get away with doing and being indulged for. The reason you're wrong in this case though is because the purpose of the article or ramble or whatever you'd call it is to have other guys thinking or feeling the same way (but not expressing it on here) to agree, relate and enjoy the company of misery (given that misery loves company), though currently I wouldn't exactly say I was miserable. I mentioned that women (who were more likely to rebuke or contest what I said) WERE welcome to chime in because their opinions mattered...even if they said exactly what you just said- 'telling me not to give up', but the difference is that they (and some other guys too) follow on with helpful generic advice or advice that worked for them, no-one's stroking my ego on here or putting me at the center of attention.
So >>>>>>

P.S- Oh and that's 'Master Yoda' to you 'padawan!'

All social relationships carry risk. Being alone also carries risk.

Perhaps it is that social relationships carry more risk for those on the spectrum, and being alone carries more risk for NTs.

Interesting!

Overall, being single or being in a relationship both have their advantages and disadvantages.

It disgusts me that anyone would ever even attempt to argue that one is 'better' or more ideal than the other.

Being single isn't better like many people try and argue, it is neither better nor worse than having a relationship; and it has its own advantages as well as disadvantages.

I say how dare anyone try to marginalize something like love?

All love, whether that be the platonic love between friends, love of family, or, yes, even the love of a wonderful man or woman who you are in a relationship with, are all significant.

It is insulting to make love out to be unimportant to your life.

I'm sorry but this is a bit of a mini-rant. Why do most people say 'being in a relationship is nothing' and other such things? It degrades the value of something valuable and important to humanity.

Love is just as important as Happiness, Social Life, etc. it is one piece of the many aspects of your life that are necessary to have to live a fulfilling and meaning life.

For me, observation is definitely a key. I could see a girl, find her attractive, but at this point, that's all I know about her and I don't have anything relevant to talk to her about. Typically, I need to observe her to get to know her. Find out what she likes and doesn't like, find out if she has interests that sync up with any of mine, that way, I'll have something to talk to her about.

Unfortunately, this rarely happens. Either I'm never around any women at all or the ones I am around are already in relationships or because this process takes time, if she is single, one of the other guys in the group will move in before me. That rarely happens though. Usually she'll already be in a relationship. The whole process of getting to know people is pretty terrible. If you know nothing about someone, you really can't talk to them about anything.

I agree with you about there being pros and cons. The way I see it, love and or companionship is essential, but this can be with friends, family or lovers. Girlfriends are optional, not a requirement.



What about fear of rejection or the beleif that she'll probably reject you, so why bother. I can certainly understand what you're saying though and with nothing to break the ice with you watch things happen from the side=line.

If people lived by that rule---which seems to be a requirement not to disgust you---nobody would ever get into a relationship: since it's not better than being single, there'd be no reason to.




So which is it? Either having a loving partner is so great, or it's no better at all than being single---you can't have it both ways.

I think online dating is a waste of time, as well. I have met a few women off there in the past, but they weren't what I would call "relationship material".

To add to your suggestions for finding a compatible partner:

1. You have to honest about who you are, and what you are looking for. Some people try to pretend to be someone else, and/or they have no clue what they are looking for, or what would be the best for them.

2. Once you have figured out #1, start going to the places you love to go to, and doing things you love to do. This should put you into contact with more like-minded people.

3. After you have mastered the first two steps, look around, and start observing the ones that spark your interest. The "neurodiverse" ones are usually pretty easy to spot (but not always).

Well it is up to us to decide which one we prefer, never the views of others.

Many people seem to try and make one out to be better than the other, specifically making it out that being single is infinitely superior to being in a relationship.

I'd rather we let people decide for themselves how important being single is to their life or not, because regardless either one isn't the 'wrong' choice because either one isn't 'better' to pick than the other.

It's more like one isn't better than the other so your choice over which one is more important to your life is your choice and you have every right to feel this way and it makes no difference.

Oh don't say that (ok, granted that at the moment my tablets have inadvertently given me back control by killing my sex drive) as I could end up 'needing' a relationship again and I'd suck even worse outside of online dating, though I don't feel comfortable enough to try.



Verbose, but I mostly agree with this. Love is typically better than being single for those who need or want it in thweir lives (which typically wasn't me until the anxiety and depression kicked in).

Agreed.

And, I've always thought, what about when you're lonely (not just loneliness from being single, but I mean ACTUAL loneliness because you have no relationship, only some friends who you can rarely see, and family you can barely ever see) and choosing to seek both new friends and a relationship at the same time. Is this a bad thing?

If the problem in life, if the thing making you sad and depressed is that you are lonely in your life, than whether that be friends or a relationship, either WILL make your life happier because both are human attention, and if that's all you want then that is what both can give you.

What is wrong with not choosing one over the other. Why can't you have both (or go after both, even if you only get one in the end, you still might be going after both).

I understand learning to be happy with being single, and I understand being happy with being alone.

But truth is majority of people find loneliness unpleasant, and no amount of ignoring the problem will make it go away.

So, let's say instead of focusing on making friends or a relationship you work on your studies, your hobbies, your job/career, etc.

Well, what does that leave you with? It leaves you with a bunch of temporary distractions to an ongoing and longlasting problem you have not bothered to fix in your life.

Whether we go about fixing that problem seeking friendship, a relationship, or both at the same time makes no difference and is our own choice.

And don't give me the whole 'but focusing on your school, job, hobbies, etc. WILL help you make friends' rubbish.

It will only help you if you make the effort.

I find it difficult to make friends at school. I asked my current friends why this is so.

Apparently it is not even because I am an awkward aspie with bad social skills. I am not even a bad person or anything.

It's because I come across as 'very content' and that I'm 'closed-off' to people. I just seem very content and satisfied with my life, that I really don't look like the kind of person who wants or needs anymore friends.

One of my new friends this year told me at the start of the year that they did not even realize I was a new student because I did not act like one. The whole "Hi! My name is...what's yours...what do you like?" kind of attitude.

They also said the moment they saw me they thought "This guy already has friends"...

So yeah.

Never stop trying to improve your social life and social relationships, whether that be through family, friends, or romantic relationships. All of it matters. Everyday, all the time.

But anyway, I feel like I just keep going in opinionated, long-winded circles over this.

I think it's already been well established by everyone here that, in short: Love shouldn't be ignored. We all have a right to want it. And not everyone just wants to be happy with being single.