why would a guy with aspergers cheat on his girlfriend?

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I used to talk to an aspie online and he cheated on his wife. Why? His wife was unable to have sex due to a medical issue and he had a very high sex drive and was obsessed about sex so he found another woman to f**k with (literally speaking) and she knew he was married and was fine with it but his obsession with sex broke them apart and then he decided to get a divorce from his wife which he should have done before dating again. My husband thinks he was just a sex addict.

I think when dating, someone being married and their partner not knowing they are out dating people should be a red flag unless you are a poly. But perhaps it should still be a red flag because if they are out sneaking around, how do you know what they won't sneak around in your relationship with them because they couldn't be bothered to be honest with their partner?

Short answer: because he's an a**hole
Long answer: because he's an a**hole and this is a trait that is completely independent of ASD. Some people just have no honor or tact. They just go for instant gratification without any type of healthy amount of self control. People do have high libidos, that doesn't mean they should cheat, they're in a relationship already and should be able to take care of any further urges themselves.
Kudos to you for not giving him a chance.
nuff said

People cheat for different reasons. Most of the time we assume guys are cheating for a sex reason but that isn't always the case. Just like girls, guys sometimes don't get the emotional support or affection, etc in a marriage or relationship that they need and may not be wanting to actually leave their partner yet or even at all, but are desperate to get the emotional things they need. Most would say "Why not talk to them about it or take them to counseling or something instead of cheating?" and thats a great idea, but talking or counseling may not work at all and the relationship may be just fine except for the fact that one person is being emotionally starved. Sometimes people cheat because of that. They may have no desire to leave, or hurt, the person they are with but they just can't live without some kind of emotional interaction and they also know they just can't live without the person who they are in a relationship with. Sometimes that's the reason.

It's not always cut and dried, and I'm far from defending cheaters, especially considering what I'm going through right now with my husband (I have a thread in the Haven about it if you are interested) and what all he's done in the past. Also, I know that one time in 28 years I did cross that line, but my reason for it is listed above. Thats why I did what I did. He was also being horrible in lots of other ways at the time too. Did I have other choices? Sure. But nothing actually viable. Also, since he had cheated on me quite a few times in the past and never really seemed remorseful about it, I think I deserved to be able to find some kind of emotional support and spend some time with somebody who actually wanted to be around me and who said nice things to me and didn't make me feel like I was inflicting my horrible presence on them like my husband was doing at the time. He was also drunk most of the time too and lost his job over it, so we were having other problems as well.

Anyway, there are lots of reasons that people cheat and it's not always just about sex, although it is a whole lot of times. It's always wrong, but I think some situations are "wronger" than others. I've known girls who were those kind of girls who just couldn't be without a guy, and were in abusive relationships and wanted to leave but they couldn't imagine life without having a guy right there so they would find a guy and start something before they left the abusive one. They never cheated on a guy they weren't about to leave though. It's strange because they were very faithful otherwise, but there are some girls who have always had a man and who just wouldn't know how to even exist without one. I think thats sad, but there are some like that. Those are the ones who will stay with any guy no matter what until another one comes along that she wants to be with.

Another reason might be that the cheater wants to either hurt the other person and knows that this is a great way to do it so they cheat and make sure they get caught so they hurt them. Sometimes they make sure they cheat with the other persons friend or relative so they are twisting the knife in deeper. Those are sadistic b*****s and bastards and should be left ASAP. Some people want to break up but they don't have the balls to say it so they do all sorts of things to try and make the other person break up with them. When all else fails, they resort to cheating and getting caught hoping the other person will leave them. That actually happens too.

So, thats my little contribution. Things aren't always what they seem.

I would like to ask though, about the title of this thread. Is the OP implying that somebody with AS should just be lucky to have whatever it is they have and make sure they never do anything to rock the boat or put it in danger because people with AS are so far down on the list of people that somebody would want that we should just be grateful for anything we have since we will likely never find another person who would put up with us? Because if this is based on the guys who post here about how they will never get a gf etc and the ones who go on and on about never having a relationship, I don't think they necessarily represent all the guys with AS. There are probably just as many guys here with AS who have been in or are in relationships as there are guys who haven't ever and say they won't ever. The ones who haven't are probably just more vocal so you notice them more.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
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