Do you find love when you stop looking? Why?

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You don't know how weird the rest of us are

In my own life, I have recognized and described this as, "My back will always get more respect than my front.".
Meaning that the want in you is creating something like magnetic opposition, "Desparation is a stinky cologne." Once you feel secure enough to not need it, it will come to you (whatever it is). It is the security that smells so inviting.

There is a lack of confidence that is usually unattractive. I believe confidence to be more effective than money or kindness or anything else when it comes to getting a mate. And then once you get what you want, all the others will come out of the woodwork flashing those pretty eyes at you and you will think, "Where were you when I was desparate?".

It is also true that you will get nowhere if you don't try at all. I like to think of it like fishing; if you go stomping through the water with your hands out, you will have very little "luck". If you try, without pushing too hard, your luck/skill increases.

Life is cruel and most difficult. Finding the correct balance is the key.

What would you like to do with that special someone?

Raise a family? Go traveling around the world? Ride every roller coaster in North America?

It depends on what both of you really much.

While it is a mutual decision, keeping your options open may be counterproductive. NTs tend to get together with like thinkers--being excessively non-committal may be a turn off.

Yep....I'm very much into relationships with people who share my philosophy of life.

Thank you. And no, quite the contrary but I can completely understand why you would assume that. I now think if patience is the way to go to build social relationships and social life, then so be it.

The only reason I've disliked patience so much is all previous social relationships for me have been mainly about persistence. I've had a lot of short or bad friendships but plenty of them were definitely good while they lasted. And this was about me making a consistent effort to actually contact, communicate and hang out with these people. Plus this is what helped me improve my social skills and confidence in the first place overtime.

It seems most friendships naturally 'fade away' and people 'drift apart'. I always thought the only reason this stuff happens is people don't make the effort to meet up, talk to or see each other anymore. All of our lives change and we go on to do new things or be new people but if we don't make that effort then we will lose everything from our previous life.

So, looking without looking is the way to go I guess, but once something has been established with someone else, such as friendship, relationship, or aqcuiantanceship, a realistic amount of effort should be put into deepening or maintaining things.

Think of this thread as "If you can't beat them, join them."

based off what we see here, it happens quiet rarely not all the time.

there's like what 10 people out of thousands who met each other off here.

I almost never message anyone else and if other's message me I almost never seem to reply. Maybe WP just isn't the site for me for meeting people.

Question is, what is?

I'll be honest here and say I actually made an "online relationship" with someone I, unbelievably, met on Yahoo Answers. But it was so awful and horrible relationship and I only began it out of desperation that I do not count it as my first relationship and never will.

I am not a gamer at all. I mostly play Xbox and PS2 rarely but have no online accounts. No Xbox Live, no PSN, etc.

I do play online games a little tiny bit, but again I am not very serious about it. My friend however likes all kinds of stuff like WOW, Eve Online, Habbo, etc. and has made most of his friendships this way through online friendships.

But like I said I just really don't like online friendships I prefer real life, real human touch and emotions and being able to see their face, smile etc. than nothing but a screen. There is Skype and other stuff of course but it has its limits.

Maybe I just haven't given online enough of a chance. To anyone here who has messaged me I'm sorry I haven't replied. It is not you, but me.

I'm not really desperate I suppose. as I have passed on some girls and I wouldn't date a girl what was so wrong for me just to have a gf. I want the right gf, though not to say I've had a lot of women go after me. I'm just not looking for a woman any woman. is all.

yeah at least on consoles people don't talk anymore. they have this party system on both games, its where 8 people can talk to each other without using the game chat. well since they added that its been pretty much dead silent on games. people don't work together, they all in private parties talking to friends who may or may not even be playing the same game. its not a place to make friends anymore.

That's a myth. In my experience, you are even less likely to find someone if you don't look than when you do. Maybe it's true for people who naturally socialise and increase their circle friends, since the more people you know and meet, the likelier it becomes, but it's not true for people who are naturally asocial and/or lacking in social skills, especially not aspies.

I did much better when I wasn't actively seeking anybody. That's the truth.

I think it's because I'm short. And my looks don't give an immediately good first impression.

When I was desperate, girls just ran away from me, saying "ewwww!"

Well, what about those of us who are trying to do exactly this.

Right now there are two groups I hang out with at school, and another that I want to begin hanging around soon. Plenty of opportunity to meet people this way.

I'm just wondering if it's worth my time or effort to have a crush on a girl anymore and try to talk to her, get to know her, etc. and date her before beginning a relationship.

Or just take the patient route and just intentionally attempt to meet as many people as possible and expand social circle as much as possible to increase the likelihood.

I use to believe you could get a relationship by impressing someone of the opposite sex enough for them to give you a chance.

But now I believe it is just something that must happen naturally and mutually between two people and this is how I want it to be.

Another user on this forum suggested hanging out with a ridiculously high amount of people of the opposite sex.

I think they meant to say, hang out with as much females as possibly until you meet the one you have a natural connection with. The one you naturally get along with and who naturally likes you just the way you are and you like her back.

They also emphasized that it is not 'dates' but 'hangouts'. You are hanging out with this person, getting to know them for a few months and then after a few months, attempting to begin a relationship.

If they are the person naturally right for you, then you wouldn't even have to try and turn it into a relationship, it should just naturally and effortlessly become one.

So...is it a bad idea to try and do this as well?

Should I just talk to a high number of people of different groups until something happens, whether that be friendship or relationships?

Or should I also make the effort to hang out with people outside of school until I meet the one 'naturally' right for me? Because again, if they are naturally right for me, then really tit will just happen naturally, right?

Is this just being impatient? Does it still mean I'm looking for love or is it still 'looking without looking'?

On reflection, you could say I did my 'very best' as well when I wasn't seeking anyone.

4, possibly 5 girls have had crushes on me.

But THREE of them were during the 8th grade, when no, I wasn't looking for a relationship.

One of them I even liked back, though it never went anywhere.

I just wasn't interested in a relationship. I mean I literally did not want one at all, it seems.

I knew the girl liked me and I felt the same, I wasn't even too shy, I just didn't seem to have the motivation to bother with her.

I was very non-social and only had one real friend and a few acquaintances at that school.

You're still young, sir. Don't rush it.

The key is not to just go by this so-called "research" into dating trends.

It's a bunch of hooey as far as individuals are concerned.

If I went by the research, I'd still be a virgin at 54 1/2 years of age.

Janissy: you have one advantage which I don't have:

Your expansive intelligence, and the consummate way in which you express it.

If I wasn't married, I feel like I would, most heartily, be able to respond to your words alone.