Way to avoid being a pushover

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Thank you, I appreCiate it, really

I know we rarely see eye to eye but I could not agree more with your frustrations. It's almost like guys here want to fail and refuse to learn from mistakes more experienced guys like us have made. Reminds me of my casino trip last week: my skills in Blackjack have greatly improved and when someone is confused or asks for guidance, I try to offer some help on what's the best move. Without exception, they ignore what I say and lose the hand, usually by busting. One time I got so frustrated and yelled at an ignorant player "if you want to be stupid and throw away your money that's your choice but my god you are frustrating".

OP: you are blissfully aware of what the consequences are in your relationship and while part of me is frustrated beyond belief, part of me knows I was in the same boat 2 years ago.

think one must understand not everyone is in the same situation and can do the things you did.
you had success with eharmony for example. I can't afford eharmony. so that won't work for me.

its easy to look at others failures and say they should done _____, looking in from the outside is easy, living it is a whole other thing.

It's not like I was really that successful, nor would I recommend online dating as anything but a last resort. Heck, she was a "flex-match" that I ignored. Twice. Yes, we met there but we would have met on meetup or something similar in the future. Too many eerie similarities but I digress.

I am speaking as someone who was ashamed of being kissless and almost dateless nearing my 30th birthday and took on the first person who showed any affection to me. These same controlling behaviours happened but I ignored them, thinking that all women were like that. Looking back, I am deeply ashamed and embarrassed I stayed so long. The controlling and abusive behaviour didn't happen instantly, it gradually happened just like the OP is describing and I rationalized it away just like the OP is doing right now.