PICKING THE RIGHT WIFE

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well he has to make enough money. she probably missed out on a lot of otherwise compatible men.

Why does me wanting a guy who is my equal upset you so much?

Actually, my Aspie friend would be PERFECT (if he wasn't such a believer in the darn zodiac). We have all the same interests - medical field, exercise, smoothies, tea time, BBC movies, the supernatural, his accent is to die for and he's close to his parents. You know what? I'd go out with him with the thought of marrying him in a New York Minute (he's from New York) AND I haven't seen one picture of him.The only thing is he would have to have a decent job. I wouldn't worry about it, though, because he's a high achiever and he's doing great in school. You mention that you wouldn't want to wait 6 months for sex, but I would wait for my Aspie friend 3 yrs or longer - whatever it took for him to reach his goal of being a speech pathologist (he wants to help other Aspies). Getting a job as an SP is his dream. He makes me want to accomplish more and be a better person. I just think he's wonderful. I guess I'm smitten. Too bad I'm a Taurus.

That made me laugh. lol

because money isn't everytying and when it comes down it it sjust worthless paper if/when the bubble pops. but all the real things about a person won't go away. I think you put too much importance on what is for most people just a tiny part of them that they do to live. a job does a person make not.

and if he never gets there if he faisl and ends up making min wage the rest of his life? willing to be with someone who will potientially make good money not the same as being with someon who won't its why women say a guy witha decent job or in college. the in college means they have potiential to make loads of money.

life is unforeseeable. did you think this is where I'd thought I'd be 10 years ago? I went to college thinking I'd be a mechanic making 20 an hour or more when i started 5 years ago. 10 years ago I thought I'd be a marine.

sexual drive is a part of who you a person is. you're born that way.
job is not a part of who people are its just what they do to make money. money isn't a part of people either.

I can't help that I have a high sex drive it may have even been caused by childhood abuse. though they'll still studdying that from what I hear.

so its like being made at a guy who has blindness or in a wheel chair.

you're allowed to be superficial I'm allowed to dislike people being superficial.

Trying to change people is useless. Just look for someone compatible. A man who doesn't make enough isn't compatible with a woman who wants to quit her job and become a housewife when she has her first child. Neither is a man who doesn't like that plan even if he does make enough.

Yet, people who can't have children and are infertile or people who don't want kids for other reasons, still get married. So, why would that be if marriage was strictly for starting a family? I do realise that society puts pressure on people into having children, that's why there's a child free movement.

The worse s**t I've ever read:

This one definitely made me stop reading:

Look, you're starting to really piss me off. You better stop calling me superficial before something comes flying out of my mouth that isn't going to be too ladylike about your hornyness. Why don't go do something with your life instead of boo hooing and feeling sorry for yourself - its not very attractive. Or just keep doing what you're doing because we all can see that its working so well for you.

I could agree with some of this if the guy wasn't so douchy about it.

I do think people getting married should take more than love into account. No one should be making big life-long decisions when their brains are awash with hormones. People don't talk enough before they decide to tie the knot and they don't approach the marriage like a contract- which they should. All the terms should be laid out- does she want to stay home with the kids, is he okay with being the sole breadwinner, what will happen if they end up not being able to have children, what would happen if he gets laid off and can't find another job right away- does she have any marketable skills that can help her get a job until they are back on their feet, etc. Ideally, people would know how they function together in a crisis as well. Big things can break a couple if they can't or won't lean on each other for support.

For my part I can say that I never thought I would get married- I watched my parents fail miserably at it- although they did stick it out and are still married- but they were unhappy all the time, so marriage looked like torture to me. And I had been raised with all the feminist dogma too- college and career first, no matter what!

But once I met my husband, things kind of fell into place and I stopped suppressing my instinct to nurture and build a home. I did actually look up to him like a super-hero (until just recently, but that's another story) and he brought out the 50's housewife in me that I didn't even know was there.

It's definitely not for every woman, but I think society and feminists in particular do a disservice to young women by not telling them that thousands of years of human evolution will give them an instinct to build a little nest and put some babies in it- and that it's OK TO BE OK with that. I think the message to women is to fight that instinct- and I think many, many (not all) women would be much happier if they went with it.

Just my two cents.

I don't even know where your logic is. I'll give you another primo example of something happening at work right now. This one nurse has a contract to work here in Kansas for a certain amount of time because she's a travel nurse. 3 kids I believe. She's working her butt off sometimes 10 days in a row - I don't know how she does it. Where's her husband? He's down in Florida with the three kids. Where he should be is up here in Kansas until her contract is up. Sex must not be very important to him. He must have some life because he has been able to travel all around the US because this nurse is a travel nurse. She wants to go to the Bahamas for a vacation - and the way she's been working she has every right to want a vacation. Of course, her husband gets to go to the Bahamas too. She's very resentful.

Lets just take you and I, for example. What would you bring to the table? I've got the condo, the car, I'm going to have several thousand in debt for this new bachelors degree, you've got your debt that your income would be used to pay off. For sure I would have to work more just for us to get by. You don't think I'd get resentful having to pick up more work hours for us to just make ends meet while you're at home playing video games? I want someone who is my EQUAL and there's nothing wrong with that. Only a person who didn't have anything would see a flaw in my thinking.

And you say you went to college and it didn't work out for you. Things didn't just land in my lap, you know. My Pa paid for a secretarial degree that got me nowhere. I made the decision that I was going to have to go back to college again for nursing if I wanted to make a living for myself. I worked part time and put myself through school and I'm doing it again now. Your schooling didn't work for you? Then go back for something else that might work out. It's too easy to feel sorry for yourself and do nothing. It takes motivation to figure out a plan B and to try again.

as long as you openly preach the money is most important I'll call you what it is.

nothing is attractive unless one is a well off money wise handsome man, with no emotion, who never wants to be around their gf. its impossible to be attractive to women at all.

but guess what this is a apsie support site not a nt tell aspies that they suck site.

if anyone should stop posting here its you.

also I'm sure the best way to help someone feeling bad is to tell them how worthless and horrible they are. yept that make people feel better.

be like telling a person you're sorry their mom died but you know what their dad is probably going to die soon too. yept rubbing salt in an open wound.

you don't need a combo or vactions to live. so its not my fault you have to work more hours to pay for the expensive things you didn't need but wanted.

all I need to live is a nice apartment and a ok car. I'd be working just not to you're money wanting level. but life has a habit of not going the way people want it to. you might not finish your degree who knows, you don't. s**t happens to the best of people. success means being lucky and it wouldn't be called luck if everyone had it. i would refuse to live in your condo and just keep my own place that I liked and could afford. for sure my ass. you'd be using your income to pay your debt so hows that any different. see you're problem is you assume that all guys making low money are just slackers who will quit their jobs and play games all day and that's just not true. I enjoy my job mostly why would I quite it. I still work it tomorrow if I won the lottery.

yeah well with your pa paying it enabled you to use other resources. well my family is all poor. so I used other resources to go to college. and its a one time and you're done thing. I used all my finical aid getting the degree and they dont' allow anymore. you act like getting my degree was a piece of cake. that I didn't work my ass off to get it.

I'd have to make enough money to cover 2k a term and pay 200 a month to the loans and pay 250 to debt and pay for all my bills. so in order to go back to school I'd need to have the job that I'd be going back to school for, I'd have to make like 4k a month to afford going back to school and if I made that I'd not need to go back. schoolar ships are for overahcievers who are good at reading and writing not for apsies who suck at socializing so have no huge list of social successes and who are at lower levels for writing then a lot of people. I wasn't in AP in high school, or president of the student body or member of 20 clubs along with play football. I'm also white and a lot of schoolarships are geared toward people of color or females.

doubt you'd last a minute in my shoes. so get off you're high horse.

she has a family maybe its time she grow up and settles down rather then living her dream of traveling the world.

its not good for kids to move around constantly. and why should husband uproot his life every 3 months for her dream. if it was reversed you'd probably be complaining about how horrible the man is for expecting his wife to uproot and move for his career every few months.

there are tons of cases of men working state over and having to drive a day to get there and wrok for few weeks and come back to visit. why dont' they just move their family because it would be selfish to expect his wife to leave her job and uproot the kids. and this is a permante basis. now imagine if he had to change his location every few months,. theres a reason the military does it every 2 years if you have a family. its to give the kids a idea of normacy. even then if the wife has a life and job there usually they dont' move and the husband just lives else where in visits.

why should women get special treatment?

When the woman has to work away from her family while the man is a house-dad - it becomes dramatic.

When the man has to work away from his family while the woman is a housewife- meh...that's normal.

Angela, your example is so typical for men who travel for work; the only difference in your story that genders are reversed ....so suddenly it's dramatic now. lol

you have a more simple way of saying stuff boo. I envy you for that.

My workplace's cleaner is a Bangladeshi migrant worker, he has been working in Lebanon for 9 years, he works also as a bloc caretaker at night.
And he visited his family only like a month in every 2 years.

His wife? She's in her home country, Bangladesh, with their daughter who is now 3 years. He watches her birthday pics on phone every year.

Oh but wait....that's not dramatic, it's ok if men work abroad for years or ...*gulp* go to wars and die or lose a leg.

Angela is not the first woman at all that I heard her telling such 'dramatic' stories about women working to get income for her children and her 'lazy' non-working husbands. And that always made me laugh.

As if sacrifices for income are only recognized when it's done by a woman lol

and they always equate house-dad to lazy.