Would touch flirting make you uncomfortable?

Post Reply New Topic

If he's going out of his way to touch you, then he's probably mutually attracted to you in some way.

What do you want the outcome to be if/when you tell him your feelings? Would you want to start dating him right away? If you do, then you should have a bit of light discussion about boundaries/touching to get it out of the way.

Flirting verbally/physically is really playful and fun, but if he doesn't fully grasp it, then maybe you should persuade more by touch-flirting when he initiates a hug and stuff. I think it's far less awkward when both people are tangled up together, so it doesn't feel one-sided and uncalled for.

So far, I think it's appropriate since both of you seem to be doing the same thing to each other consensually. If he told you to stop doing something, then obviously you should stop. Since he's not, well, there you go.

It wouldn't bother me if a friend I liked flirted with me, I adore it, but if I DON'T adore HIM, then I wouldn't want it at all, lol.

I'd even think again about the handshake exception. Starved of female contact as I am, merely feeling a cute female hand, with its soft skin and little bones that make me want to kiss and caress every finger and every part of its palm and backside (and then climb up the arm, but that's another story), squeezing mine can be like heaven, and even arouse me.

Since the only practical rule I know is, "If it feels good, it's probably wrong and someone will at the very least break your bones for it", I tend to think shaking hands with women isn't really okay, but an invasion of their personal space and an opportunistic way to be a pervert. Of course, if they initiate the handshake, I'm not going to refuse it, not just for the physical enjoyment, but also because I suppose the rejection might offend them.

Since he is not an NT, he likely finds hugging somebody that is neither a friend nor a partner really awkward, so why would you want to make him feel awkward just because you enjoy it? There are ways to flirt with neurodiverse people that don't feel invasive for them (eye-contact), so why not use them instead?

You can find hugs awkward and still enjoy them and even crave them. It's what's happened to me most of the time. I think the only solution is to ask him, preferably in private and once he is comfortable and relaxed enough talking to you.

Frankly I find eye contact unbearable UNLESS the other person is hugging me, or I know them well. Preferably the former. Speak for yourself. I could've sworn we were notorious for avoiding eye contact above all else.

Last edited by cberg on 06 Sep 2015, 4:06 am, edited 1 time in total.

Possible, but I never found hugging a partner awkward, rather it's really enjoyable. However, I do find hugging a random stranger that is hitting on me as extremely uncomfortable. They are simply breaking my boundaries by doing that.

You are lacking knowledge about eye contact. How much eye contact a neurodiverse person has (and wants back) is directly related to how they feel about somebody. That means if you dislike a person you don't want to look at them at all (not even in a normal conversation), and that if you like somebody a lot you will want a lot of eye contact. Thus, if somebody is neurodiverse you can both detect interest and generate interest with eye contact.

Um... I've been diagnosed aspergian for ~seventeen years. I'm pretty damn sure I'd rather be uncomfortable around those I love than uncomfortable looking across a room.

Last edited by cberg on 06 Sep 2015, 4:21 am, edited 1 time in total.

Sure I can deal with eye contact, I just prefer to express everything less ambiguously.

The neurodiverse eye contact pattern has nothing to do with social eye contact in a conversation. It's the natural way NDs use eye contact, and which NTs should learn to deal with if they want to "hit on" an ND guy.

Last edited by rdos on 06 Sep 2015, 4:30 am, edited 3 times in total.

read the edits.

The thing is, neurotypicals seem to find verbal language inherently ambiguous and unreliable, no matter what effort you make to express yourself with precise vocabulary and grammar. What they consider less ambiguous is all those gestures and other non-verbal cues which look so flimsy and cryptic to us.

I don't see a reason to fault NTs for doing what comes naturally though.

At least some us keep a few funny mannerisms stashed up our sleeve most days. That said, most of my body language arises from the need to speak NT in business meetings. Usually they buy it though, when they don't I drop the charade and just give everybody the facts and feedback they need.

Admittedly I caught a lot of BS from my dad about LOOKING PEOPLE IN THE EYE being serious biz niz and all that. Nobody anywhere I work wants to stare into the back of my mind, you can trust that.

I didn't say it was her fault, just that she could do it in a much better way.



I won't stare at anybody unless I have a really serious crush on somebody. The safe way to do it is to only look for a short time (a second or so), wait for a response, and then repeat. Also, you should NOT do this as part of a conversation if it is flirting. That would be really confusing.

I'm not faulting them. It's simply something we need to take into account.



I was told that a lot, too, and in a forceful way. It took me ages to begin doing it in a sort of---I hope---acceptable way that didn't draw even more attention to itself than simply not making an effort with eye contact.

To think... Everybody, aspie or otherwise in the western world is taught that staring is overbearing and rude no matter what.

We aspies can't be the only ones with a bunch of contradictory nonsense formalities dropped on our heads out of nowhere.

I don't usually mind being stared at either, it helps me read the ambient mood much quicker. My recurring nightmare of being naked at school is not a problem while I'm awake.