How to Approach Women

Post Reply New Topic

That is most likely a smile of the "polite" variety.

I'm talking about women who smile with their mouth and their eyes. Women who look me up and down my body and smile. Women who smile at me every time I glance at them, and they happen to still be looking at me and smiling in the grocery store.

Women smile at you in the grocery store and look up and down your body in the grocery store, so lustfully that they'll be willing to overlook everything else?



You really, truly think that how you look will outweigh everything else? You are that hot? The women who look you over are ALL that shallow?

Like no friends, no ability to find friends and no desire for friends or a social life whatsoever?

The social skills required to find friends and a social life tend to be a LOT easier to acquire than the social skills required to find and maintain a GOOD long-term relationship. (I would know -- I spent, like, six years having a new boyfriend every 3 months, never single for longer than maybe 2-3 weeks between, ie half of high school and all of college. And I'm pretty social for an Aspie).

Maybe you'll get super-lucky but the odds aren't in your favor -- and you're setting yourself up for disappointment.

One girl randomly giving you her digits a decade ago? Really? That's your basis for hope?

Sounds like a lot of us should just give up indeed.

Eye contact and smiling may or may not indicate attraction. At its simplest it's a way to broadcast friendliness and no ill will if two people happen to look at each other at the same time. If women are initiating it with you while you're doing something like sitting in class, it's more likely. People can be very subtle about what they're feeling.

The people who say it always means a woman is attracted to a man are probably the same ones who think all the cashiers who are paid to be friendly have a thing especially for them...

But, there's no harm in starting a conversation with someone new in most places. Inevitably not everyone will like it, but this doesn't always mean you're in the wrong and need to correct yourself--this is a harmful assumption Aspies make. That if anyone ever responds negatively to them, they are objectively in the wrong and must adjust to please all. In reality everyone gets negative reactions at least once in awhile. If you're not sure you did something honestly offensive or hurtful, ask on WP or anyone you know who has a good sense for social situations.

Some places people may or may not be interested, like at the grocery store while they're in a hurry or tired. That's admittedly a hard place for people to start conversations unless they're good at coming up with amusing things on the spot, so it's not just you.

A short conversation is no harm, no foul if people aren't interested. The problem mostly comes from those who are persistent past being told no or those who do things like make a scene trying to get numbers from women who are busy studying in a library.

If you're in a class, the topic is a good start as is anything you did over the weekend, movies that are popular, etc. Conversation just to see a little bit of what the other person is like and what they're interested in, and show them that you're friendly to them, too. You can try more in-depth topics if you want to or are comfortable.

Have you considered volunteering? If it doesn't work, you'll still feel good about yourself, and it boosts your resume later.

Yeah I have, I've kind if been a little lazy about I though. That is a very good option and I do really need to push myself to actually do it. I've also had a bit of a hard Tim figuring out what I want to volunteer for. But yeah that is a great idea.

I know I've never been comfortable approaching women in the mall or grocery store

The media will have you believe all women are prudes and like to take their time in a relationship. I find that women can be more kinky and forward than most people believe.

Most women like assertiveness which means she likes to be swept of her feet.

Some women like to be grabbed, surprised and kissed.

Though I would get a good feel for a person before you do any of that. This is a good video showing why you shouldn't do that but might gain the attention of someone else who likes it https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=izHdd7vcvns

Smiles and eye contact are an acknowledgement that you exist from friendly NTs. Smile back and say hello to the woman in the grocery store, if you want to, and try to start a conversation but graciously accept that she may not want to chat with you.

There's no definitive way to know what that acknowledgement "means" from a stranger. It very much depends on the individual person. For example, the boy I had the biggest crush on in high school was always giving hugs and a peck on the lips as a greeting. It turned out he didn't like me back. He was just a really friendly, really outgoing, really tactile guy with everybody.

There is no one answer to that. If she is NT, then she probably expects you to play the normal NT game with talking and compliments and stuff. If she is neurodiverse, you can play it naturally instead.

I thought i'd post this article I found, run by an Australian Dating Guru, he says here on why don't women approach men:http://www.themodernman.com/blog/why-dont-women-approach-men.html

That's all NT stuff. Has no relevance to neurodiversity whatsoever. Also, I think he is wrong about the reason why men approach women. In the end, men do approach women both in the neurotypical and neurodiverse courtship, but for completely different reasons. NTs do it as the first step in the courtship, but many ND guys are unable to do that, and will do it at a much later point instead. Thus, if he is right that NT women are attracted to men that can build social networks, and therefore find it easy to approach, it's only valid for NTs. There is ample evidence that ND women are much more social, and are the one's building social networks, and that this also is part of the ND courtship game.

Bottom line: If you read things that a dating guru writes, make sure you attribute it to NTs only. Most of this stuff has no relevance if you want to seek compatible people (non-NTs).