30 Sep 2015, 5:48 pm
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
SwissPagan wrote:
that's kinda the catch 22, the only difference between hitting on or approaching being creepy depends purely on if the girl is already attracted to you. which most apsies would have little to no way to detect. I mean I have seen the most slimy douchy guys with some of the skeesiest pickup lines, even I was repulsed, and I was just watching, yet for whatever f*****g reason it worked. now the said thing is, this dude with synthetic hair, tan and facial expressions somehow "got the girl" and to think you have to become that gross and insult the intelligence of the girl and yourself with a gross pick up line, that is why i could never handle the PUA s**t...
An certain instructor in my gym *only* helps the highly physically attractive and slim girls (who don't really need that much exercising), he completely ignores men, not-in-shape women and old ladies lol, everyone noticed that - and I often see him "cuddling" them "jokingly" - today I have seen him helping one of those to lift a weightless bar.
He's so creepy! His entire focus on one category of attendees is unprofessionally creepy , yet these girls giggles with him because ...we... he's physically hot.
I've seen a lot of this kind of behavior. It drives me insane how positively some girls react to these kind of guys. These also tend to be the type of girls who perpetually whine how they can never find a good guy. It's utterly maddening. I know that these girls are not the greatest people and I'm avoiding a lot of trouble by dealing with them. But seeing these kinds of things still upsets me.
30 Sep 2015, 5:51 pm
30 Sep 2015, 5:54 pm
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
SwissPagan wrote:
MissZahara wrote:
SwissPagan wrote:
Lukeda420 wrote:
One thing that really makes me anxious about approaching women is that I don't want to make someone uncomfortable or make them think I'm creepy. I know I'm overblowing this in my mind a bit but it really drives a lot of my anxiety. Are there any things guys do that are completely innocent but are mistakenly seen as creepy? How do you feel when someone politely asks you out?
I personally worry that the approach itself can come off as creepy, hence why I try not the be the one approaching. I don't know, do this change after you become an adult? because I have not tried approaching since high school.
Every girl has a different standard for what will trigger her creep-o-meter, so there's no 100% guaranteed non-creepy way to approach a girl. Polite + graciously accepting a "no" (should you get one), is all you can do.
FWIW, if the girl likes you she will likely be willing to overlook little creepy-ish gaffes. It'll be endearing rather than a dealbreaker.
that's kinda the catch 22, the only difference between hitting on or approaching being creepy depends purely on if the girl is already attracted to you. which most apsies would have little to no way to detect. I mean I have seen the most slimy douchy guys with some of the skeesiest pickup lines, even I was repulsed, and I was just watching, yet for whatever f*****g reason it worked. now the said thing is, this dude with synthetic hair, tan and facial expressions somehow "got the girl" and to think you have to become that gross and insult the intelligence of the girl and yourself with a gross pick up line, that is why i could never handle the PUA s**t...
An certain instructor in my gym *only* helps the highly physically attractive and slim girls (who don't really need that much exercising), he completely ignores men, not-in-shape women and old ladies lol, everyone noticed that - and I often see him "cuddling" them "jokingly" - today I have seen him helping one of those to lift a weightless bar.
He's so creepy! His entire focus on the same category of attendees is so unprofessional and creepy , yet these girls giggle with him because ...well... he's physically hot.
Keep in mind that there is no objective standard for creepy - what one woman funds creepy, another might find sweet.
The catch-22 isn't really a catch-22. As an Aspie, it's safe to assume you're missing lots of social cues. So what you see as a slimy, creepy guy with awful fake hair and a terrible pick up line getting the girl, may well be something else entirely from the girl's perspective. Like, the girl sees that SAME guy as doing a hilarious riff on Zoolander or something and thinks it's a hoot to play along. You don't know. You can't know. As an Aspie, there's an excellent chance you lack the skills to ever know.
The girl at the gym looking for a hot hookup? To her, the extra attention from the hot gym instructor isn't the least bit creepy. Or unprofessional.
Since the creep-o-meter is a subjective, moving target, all you can do is be polite + graciously accept the "no" if you get one.
It might also help to keep in mind that even if the guy gets the girl's number, there's maybe a 50% chance he'll call. If he does, there's a 50% chance she'll accept, if she does, a 50% chance it'll be fun enough that they both agree to go out again. There's a HUGE amount of rejection inherent in the dating process. For everybody. Including NTs.
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,664
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
30 Sep 2015, 6:16 pm
MissZahara wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
SwissPagan wrote:
MissZahara wrote:
SwissPagan wrote:
Lukeda420 wrote:
One thing that really makes me anxious about approaching women is that I don't want to make someone uncomfortable or make them think I'm creepy. I know I'm overblowing this in my mind a bit but it really drives a lot of my anxiety. Are there any things guys do that are completely innocent but are mistakenly seen as creepy? How do you feel when someone politely asks you out?
I personally worry that the approach itself can come off as creepy, hence why I try not the be the one approaching. I don't know, do this change after you become an adult? because I have not tried approaching since high school.
Every girl has a different standard for what will trigger her creep-o-meter, so there's no 100% guaranteed non-creepy way to approach a girl. Polite + graciously accepting a "no" (should you get one), is all you can do.
FWIW, if the girl likes you she will likely be willing to overlook little creepy-ish gaffes. It'll be endearing rather than a dealbreaker.
that's kinda the catch 22, the only difference between hitting on or approaching being creepy depends purely on if the girl is already attracted to you. which most apsies would have little to no way to detect. I mean I have seen the most slimy douchy guys with some of the skeesiest pickup lines, even I was repulsed, and I was just watching, yet for whatever f*****g reason it worked. now the said thing is, this dude with synthetic hair, tan and facial expressions somehow "got the girl" and to think you have to become that gross and insult the intelligence of the girl and yourself with a gross pick up line, that is why i could never handle the PUA s**t...
An certain instructor in my gym *only* helps the highly physically attractive and slim girls (who don't really need that much exercising), he completely ignores men, not-in-shape women and old ladies lol, everyone noticed that - and I often see him "cuddling" them "jokingly" - today I have seen him helping one of those to lift a weightless bar.
He's so creepy! His entire focus on the same category of attendees is so unprofessional and creepy , yet these girls giggle with him because ...well... he's physically hot.
Keep in mind that there is no objective standard for creepy - what one woman funds creepy, another might find sweet.
The catch-22 isn't really a catch-22. As an Aspie, it's safe to assume you're missing lots of social cues. So what you see as a slimy, creepy guy with awful fake hair and a terrible pick up line getting the girl, may well be something else entirely from the girl's perspective. Like, the girl sees that SAME guy as doing a hilarious riff on Zoolander or something and thinks it's a hoot to play along. You don't know. You can't know. As an Aspie, there's an excellent chance you lack the skills to ever know.
The girl at the gym looking for a hot hookup? To her, the extra attention from the hot gym instructor isn't the least bit creepy. Or unprofessional.
Since the creep-o-meter is a subjective, moving target, all you can do is be polite + graciously accept the "no" if you get one.
It might also help to keep in mind that even if the guy gets the girl's number, there's maybe a 50% chance he'll call. If he does, there's a 50% chance she'll accept, if she does, a 50% chance it'll be fun enough that they both agree to go out again. There's a HUGE amount of rejection inherent in the dating process. For everybody. Including NTs.
You don't have to keep repeating no is a no, this must be a given.
I have never been seen as creepy tho; I don't have the creep vibes problem - fact is, girls so often ask me to escort them to places through dark alley/areas.
Maybe they see me too unmanly to be seen as a potential threat lol
30 Sep 2015, 6:32 pm
30 Sep 2015, 7:13 pm
SwissPagan wrote:
MissZahara wrote:
SwissPagan wrote:
Lukeda420 wrote:
One thing that really makes me anxious about approaching women is that I don't want to make someone uncomfortable or make them think I'm creepy. I know I'm overblowing this in my mind a bit but it really drives a lot of my anxiety. Are there any things guys do that are completely innocent but are mistakenly seen as creepy? How do you feel when someone politely asks you out?
I personally worry that the approach itself can come off as creepy, hence why I try not the be the one approaching. I don't know, do this change after you become an adult? because I have not tried approaching since high school.
Every girl has a different standard for what will trigger her creep-o-meter, so there's no 100% guaranteed non-creepy way to approach a girl. Polite + graciously accepting a "no" (should you get one), is all you can do.
FWIW, if the girl likes you she will likely be willing to overlook little creepy-ish gaffes. It'll be endearing rather than a dealbreaker.
that's kinda the catch 22, the only difference between hitting on or approaching being creepy depends purely on if the girl is already attracted to you. which most apsies would have little to no way to detect. I mean I have seen the most slimy douchy guys with some of the skeesiest pickup lines, even I was repulsed, and I was just watching, yet for whatever f*****g reason it worked. now the said thing is, this dude with synthetic hair, tan and facial expressions somehow "got the girl" and to think you have to become that gross and insult the intelligence of the girl and yourself with a gross pick up line, that is why i could never handle the PUA s**t...
This brings up an interesting point. Does typical PUA literature try to coach the guy on appearance/grooming? Just wondering cause I've never really read any of it.
I can easily see it instructing a pale looking red-haired guy that he needs to get a tan and dye his hair a different color as well.
30 Sep 2015, 7:21 pm
30 Sep 2015, 7:38 pm
30 Sep 2015, 9:35 pm
01 Oct 2015, 5:31 am
MissZahara wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
SwissPagan wrote:
MissZahara wrote:
SwissPagan wrote:
Lukeda420 wrote:
One thing that really makes me anxious about approaching women is that I don't want to make someone uncomfortable or make them think I'm creepy. I know I'm overblowing this in my mind a bit but it really drives a lot of my anxiety. Are there any things guys do that are completely innocent but are mistakenly seen as creepy? How do you feel when someone politely asks you out?
I personally worry that the approach itself can come off as creepy, hence why I try not the be the one approaching. I don't know, do this change after you become an adult? because I have not tried approaching since high school.
Every girl has a different standard for what will trigger her creep-o-meter, so there's no 100% guaranteed non-creepy way to approach a girl. Polite + graciously accepting a "no" (should you get one), is all you can do.
FWIW, if the girl likes you she will likely be willing to overlook little creepy-ish gaffes. It'll be endearing rather than a dealbreaker.
that's kinda the catch 22, the only difference between hitting on or approaching being creepy depends purely on if the girl is already attracted to you. which most apsies would have little to no way to detect. I mean I have seen the most slimy douchy guys with some of the skeesiest pickup lines, even I was repulsed, and I was just watching, yet for whatever f*****g reason it worked. now the said thing is, this dude with synthetic hair, tan and facial expressions somehow "got the girl" and to think you have to become that gross and insult the intelligence of the girl and yourself with a gross pick up line, that is why i could never handle the PUA s**t...
An certain instructor in my gym *only* helps the highly physically attractive and slim girls (who don't really need that much exercising), he completely ignores men, not-in-shape women and old ladies lol, everyone noticed that - and I often see him "cuddling" them "jokingly" - today I have seen him helping one of those to lift a weightless bar.
He's so creepy! His entire focus on the same category of attendees is so unprofessional and creepy , yet these girls giggle with him because ...well... he's physically hot.
Keep in mind that there is no objective standard for creepy - what one woman funds creepy, another might find sweet.
The catch-22 isn't really a catch-22. As an Aspie, it's safe to assume you're missing lots of social cues. So what you see as a slimy, creepy guy with awful fake hair and a terrible pick up line getting the girl, may well be something else entirely from the girl's perspective. Like, the girl sees that SAME guy as doing a hilarious riff on Zoolander or something and thinks it's a hoot to play along. You don't know. You can't know. As an Aspie, there's an excellent chance you lack the skills to ever know.
The girl at the gym looking for a hot hookup? To her, the extra attention from the hot gym instructor isn't the least bit creepy. Or unprofessional.
Since the creep-o-meter is a subjective, moving target, all you can do is be polite + graciously accept the "no" if you get one.
It might also help to keep in mind that even if the guy gets the girl's number, there's maybe a 50% chance he'll call. If he does, there's a 50% chance she'll accept, if she does, a 50% chance it'll be fun enough that they both agree to go out again. There's a HUGE amount of rejection inherent in the dating process. For everybody. Including NTs.
"Since the creep-o-meter is a subjective, moving target, all you can do is be polite + graciously accept the "no" if you get one. "
yeah... accept for everything I saw in college, guys who were successful, were anything but polite and gracious,a dn those already in a relationship, treated their girlfriend like s**t. one actually tried to beat her and I had to stop em, and they STILL were together even after that.
it really sucks that the creep-o-meter is subjective, since you don't know or can't know anything about a complete stranger, hence you have no point of reference in which to start from.
01 Oct 2015, 5:33 am
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,664
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
01 Oct 2015, 6:24 am
SwissPagan wrote:
MissZahara wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
SwissPagan wrote:
MissZahara wrote:
SwissPagan wrote:
Lukeda420 wrote:
One thing that really makes me anxious about approaching women is that I don't want to make someone uncomfortable or make them think I'm creepy. I know I'm overblowing this in my mind a bit but it really drives a lot of my anxiety. Are there any things guys do that are completely innocent but are mistakenly seen as creepy? How do you feel when someone politely asks you out?
I personally worry that the approach itself can come off as creepy, hence why I try not the be the one approaching. I don't know, do this change after you become an adult? because I have not tried approaching since high school.
Every girl has a different standard for what will trigger her creep-o-meter, so there's no 100% guaranteed non-creepy way to approach a girl. Polite + graciously accepting a "no" (should you get one), is all you can do.
FWIW, if the girl likes you she will likely be willing to overlook little creepy-ish gaffes. It'll be endearing rather than a dealbreaker.
that's kinda the catch 22, the only difference between hitting on or approaching being creepy depends purely on if the girl is already attracted to you. which most apsies would have little to no way to detect. I mean I have seen the most slimy douchy guys with some of the skeesiest pickup lines, even I was repulsed, and I was just watching, yet for whatever f*****g reason it worked. now the said thing is, this dude with synthetic hair, tan and facial expressions somehow "got the girl" and to think you have to become that gross and insult the intelligence of the girl and yourself with a gross pick up line, that is why i could never handle the PUA s**t...
An certain instructor in my gym *only* helps the highly physically attractive and slim girls (who don't really need that much exercising), he completely ignores men, not-in-shape women and old ladies lol, everyone noticed that - and I often see him "cuddling" them "jokingly" - today I have seen him helping one of those to lift a weightless bar.
He's so creepy! His entire focus on the same category of attendees is so unprofessional and creepy , yet these girls giggle with him because ...well... he's physically hot.
Keep in mind that there is no objective standard for creepy - what one woman funds creepy, another might find sweet.
The catch-22 isn't really a catch-22. As an Aspie, it's safe to assume you're missing lots of social cues. So what you see as a slimy, creepy guy with awful fake hair and a terrible pick up line getting the girl, may well be something else entirely from the girl's perspective. Like, the girl sees that SAME guy as doing a hilarious riff on Zoolander or something and thinks it's a hoot to play along. You don't know. You can't know. As an Aspie, there's an excellent chance you lack the skills to ever know.
The girl at the gym looking for a hot hookup? To her, the extra attention from the hot gym instructor isn't the least bit creepy. Or unprofessional.
Since the creep-o-meter is a subjective, moving target, all you can do is be polite + graciously accept the "no" if you get one.
It might also help to keep in mind that even if the guy gets the girl's number, there's maybe a 50% chance he'll call. If he does, there's a 50% chance she'll accept, if she does, a 50% chance it'll be fun enough that they both agree to go out again. There's a HUGE amount of rejection inherent in the dating process. For everybody. Including NTs.
"Since the creep-o-meter is a subjective, moving target, all you can do is be polite + graciously accept the "no" if you get one. "
yeah... accept for everything I saw in college, guys who were successful, were anything but polite and gracious,a dn those already in a relationship, treated their girlfriend like s**t. one actually tried to beat her and I had to stop em, and they STILL were together even after that.
it really sucks that the creep-o-meter is subjective, since you don't know or can't know anything about a complete stranger, hence you have no point of reference in which to start from.
Most people have partners....get married, nice or not.
You are just focusing on the jerks having relationships; you shouldn't invest so emotionally in their gfs.
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,664
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
01 Oct 2015, 6:30 am
MissZahara wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
SwissPagan wrote:
MissZahara wrote:
SwissPagan wrote:
Lukeda420 wrote:
One thing that really makes me anxious about approaching women is that I don't want to make someone uncomfortable or make them think I'm creepy. I know I'm overblowing this in my mind a bit but it really drives a lot of my anxiety. Are there any things guys do that are completely innocent but are mistakenly seen as creepy? How do you feel when someone politely asks you out?
I personally worry that the approach itself can come off as creepy, hence why I try not the be the one approaching. I don't know, do this change after you become an adult? because I have not tried approaching since high school.
Every girl has a different standard for what will trigger her creep-o-meter, so there's no 100% guaranteed non-creepy way to approach a girl. Polite + graciously accepting a "no" (should you get one), is all you can do.
FWIW, if the girl likes you she will likely be willing to overlook little creepy-ish gaffes. It'll be endearing rather than a dealbreaker.
that's kinda the catch 22, the only difference between hitting on or approaching being creepy depends purely on if the girl is already attracted to you. which most apsies would have little to no way to detect. I mean I have seen the most slimy douchy guys with some of the skeesiest pickup lines, even I was repulsed, and I was just watching, yet for whatever f*****g reason it worked. now the said thing is, this dude with synthetic hair, tan and facial expressions somehow "got the girl" and to think you have to become that gross and insult the intelligence of the girl and yourself with a gross pick up line, that is why i could never handle the PUA s**t...
An certain instructor in my gym *only* helps the highly physically attractive and slim girls (who don't really need that much exercising), he completely ignores men, not-in-shape women and old ladies lol, everyone noticed that - and I often see him "cuddling" them "jokingly" - today I have seen him helping one of those to lift a weightless bar.
He's so creepy! His entire focus on the same category of attendees is so unprofessional and creepy , yet these girls giggle with him because ...well... he's physically hot.
Keep in mind that there is no objective standard for creepy - what one woman funds creepy, another might find sweet.
The catch-22 isn't really a catch-22. As an Aspie, it's safe to assume you're missing lots of social cues. So what you see as a slimy, creepy guy with awful fake hair and a terrible pick up line getting the girl, may well be something else entirely from the girl's perspective. Like, the girl sees that SAME guy as doing a hilarious riff on Zoolander or something and thinks it's a hoot to play along. You don't know. You can't know. As an Aspie, there's an excellent chance you lack the skills to ever know.
The girl at the gym looking for a hot hookup? To her, the extra attention from the hot gym instructor isn't the least bit creepy. Or unprofessional.
Since the creep-o-meter is a subjective, moving target, all you can do is be polite + graciously accept the "no" if you get one.
It might also help to keep in mind that even if the guy gets the girl's number, there's maybe a 50% chance he'll call. If he does, there's a 50% chance she'll accept, if she does, a 50% chance it'll be fun enough that they both agree to go out again. There's a HUGE amount of rejection inherent in the dating process. For everybody. Including NTs.
And there's an objective standard for professionalism, he is supposed to help everyone, not discriminatory.
but I agree that creep is subjective, they certainly don't see him that way.
The_Face_of_Boo
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Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,664
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
01 Oct 2015, 6:32 am
nurseangela wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
When she says "no" that's what she means - literally. On the other Aspie website, some of the men thought they should keep pursuing the woman (because she's prob playing hard to get) and one even kept calling and sending flowers, etc. This won't get you a date, but it will get you arrested (which is what happened to this particular guy - for stalking.)
That's not an innocent thing nurseangela- we are talking about innocent things that can be mistakenly seen as creepy.
Sending flowers was an innocent action by the giver that was seen as creepy by the receiver.
01 Oct 2015, 6:53 am
01 Oct 2015, 6:57 am
