Asperger's and Flirting

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I have at various places here recently, but I can do it again. You do eye contact with girls that you are not talking to, and then use peripheral vision to detect if the look back at you. It's important to glance and observe them outside of talking since NT social rules demand that you look at people you talk to, but not other people. Thus, it's not normal for somebody to look back when you have no conversation, and that is the signal that they are neurodiverse and probably interested. In order for something meaningful to develop, you should do it in contexts where you will see the girl again regularly. It's fun to do with complete strangers you are unlikely to meet again too, but that is not so useful if you are looking for a relationship. If you find a girl that continuously reciprocates, you can be certain she is interested in you, and the chance of a rejection if you go talk to her is minimal. Therefore it works both as a way to select-out incompatible NTs, and as a way to avoid rejections.

Staring at strange women is much less likely to work than, you know, talking to them as if they were humans.

Staring at strange women is much less likely to work than, you know, talking to them as if they were humans. There's no surefire way to avoid rejection, so go ahead, give it a shot and don't take it personally if you get a no.

You don't need a million girls. You're trying to find ONE. The right one. Good luck!

Why would you want to talk to a complete stranger? And who said anything about staring? Looking for a second or two, and then waiting for a response for a while works. It never leads to negative comments. The only thing that can happen is that they ignore you. Being ignored doesn't count as a rejection.



Of course there is. NTs use nonverbal communication to assure there is interest. This typically consists of female proceptive signals. Neurodiverse people can use the "eye contact game" for the same purpose, and gain similar success rates with neurodiverse women.



It just that if you are unable to detect interest, and you go up talking to random women, you will rather quickly be burnt so much by rejections that the chance of giving up is much higher than for successfully finding "the right one".

Besides, it's great fun to play the eye contact game purely for fun too. It makes my day every time a girl reciprocates properly. That's also a good way to test how it works before doing it more seriously.

WAT? I don't even... I wouldn't have noticed that either.

Awww........... and you also said she was sweet... f**k.

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I don't usually detect subtle flirting, I don't usually react to flirting when I know it's flirting. Sometimes I realize later how the other person has flirted with me.
I think it has to do with the fact that I don't get flirted with often, I'm not THAT used to it.

oh gosh I don't think I've ever truly flirted in my life. but I think I have some awkward finesse in not reciprocating the flirt but not making them feel like I'm not interested in talking to them either.

eventually they settle into a platonic zone or have an ongoing romantic interest in me that I don't care about whatsoever.

I don't get flirting at all but I'm very direct & straightforward & don't pay much attention to visual stuff due to a rare low vision disorder, problems with my brain processing things I do see visually & just not paying much attention.

Yeah. She was cute too and seemed so sincere but I didn't realize that at the time.

ya, basically small-talk and basic conversation is easy for me or has gotten easier for me but only when it depends on the topic, subject of conversation.

I've always found it incredibly hard to detect flirting unless they were very forward and flat out told me they were interested. I get told I'm cute and pretty a lot and I never know if they're being friendly (because I am very small and young looking for my age) or if they're flirting. I wasn't allowed to date in highschool either so being college aged and just now starting to date is very difficult. I don't really know if someone likes me until they become uninterested or it's too late. One of my more recent stories relating to this. I'm in marching band and there was this guy that I liked and I didn't find out he was into me until after he graduated.

Question about flirting. If a girl is at a party and a guy is wearing a t-shirt with a band, anime or video game on it and the girl likes the band, anime or video game and tells the guy, "that band/anime/video game is one of my favorites!" considered flirting? I was told that some girls who are in a relationship with the guy would consider it flirting. It's not like I'd walk right up to the guy. It would be more if I were to walk past the guy and then be on my way to grab a drink.

In my opinion, it's not complimenting the guy. It's complimenting the band, anime or video game. The only way I could see the girlfriend getting offended is if she thought for some reason I was not a real fan of the video game, band or anime when really, I've watched anime, played video games and listened to a lot of the same bands since I was in elementary school.

I can only really make eye contact once I have gotten to know someone, so I guess I'm not neurodiverse...lol