Pls help - how to show interest?

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Sanctum I completely relate to everything you've written. I know that feeling of thinking there is something there and being so sure about it and then finding out he doesn't see it like that at all.

I also know that feeling of hoping that this is someone I can finally introduce to family as the boyfriend so that they can see I am normal. Hoping that finally some one cares about me. But it never happens for me.

I think us quiet types have a harder time making a connection because we get over looked. We are more difficult to get to know and most people can't be bothered making the effort or we are so quiet that they never see anything that piques their interest.

Ironically I always feel like it's totally obvious that I have feelings for the guy. I feel like the way I feel emotionally about anything is plain to see and I'm always surprised when I find out that no one knew what how I was feeling.

Im a NT guy and im hoping I can help like others have helped me with my AS girlfriend.

The good thing for you about us NT guys is for the most part were easy to please and from the sounds of it he may be intimidated by you (in a good way). If he hasn't asked you out on a date yet but you can tell hes into you then I imagine he is very shy and wants some kind of confirmation of your feelings before trying to move things forward.
Im thinking of things that could help and im going to throw a few different options/approaches out there. First off you can always just try to be a little forward, tell him something like, I really enjoy spending time with you, or talking to you, would you like to get together for coffee or maybe dinner and get to know each other better? You can also tell him that you're shy or that you're interested in him but aren't good at dating and things. NT guys have as much trouble as anyone figuring out women and what they want/feel. Especially if hes shy hell understand and might start to see that some of your actions are more then just friendly.
I think theres a good chance hes just waiting for some kind of confirmation that you are interested in him. When hes down and you can tell is a great time to show interest in him. Talk to him and see if he wants to talk about the issue, maybe hold one of his hands or put your hand on his back. If he doesn't want to talk about the issue you could ask him if hed like to go out and do something together to take his mind off things. Showing interest in him as a person is a big part of showing him the way you feel.
Really though I think the important thing is trying to show him that you're interested in him more then any other guy. You could also try being slightly physical. Maybe when you ask him out grab his hand and ask him out to lunch or something. Really once he understands that you're interested in him romantically, if he feels the same, it will probably get much easier from there out. For shy or self-conscious NTs attractive women are intimidating and they will hold back feelings or making a move until they know you are interested.

I hope any of this helps, im really tired so its not the most focused post ever. I will try to come back more alert and see how things have gone. Also feel free to PM me if you would like. best of luck to you!

i met my spouse at work.

NT or AS men are tough to read either way. An aspie I've known since high school recently had a fling with me. We had sex three times before he told me that he was just using me for sex. I wished he had just been honest about his intentions from the start. It would've made life easier. I still woulda hooked up with him, likely. But I would've felt a lot less icky. I wrote him an angry email and told him that he was very well trained and he can shove all the tact they taught him up his a*s. Maybe give other dude a chance. You never know what kind of chemistry you might feel if you let him close enough to kiss you. Attraction is chemical. If you don't know how to get it right, at least consider getting it wrong. If someone really cares about you, you'd be shooting yourself in the foot to friend zone them. Brush it off. You got a lot of life ahead of you. Take care of yourself and love yourself and let liars and misleaders be that. They don't care about you, they care about feeling good. *hugs* you're awesome!

Yeah, I should probably have shown him my intention more clear in real life. Then I could have noticed sooner he doesn't want to, maybe. The strange thing is, I had the impression he liked me even months ago, when I wasn't even interested in him yet! So it's not just wishful thinking.

I even had the thought: so if he didn't think of me like that until now, maybe now that he knows.. maybe it can still happen... but I know I shouldn't hold on to that or I'll just be disappointed again. I can tell that my physical attraction to him is stronger than the emotional part, so what really makes me sad is that I'll never touch him, let alone sleep with him now. I would probably wanna do that without a relationship too, but I don't really feel like asking and making it even worse.

Ah, whatever. Let's move on I guess. It still hurts when I'm around him but I'll survive. The only thing that really bugs me now is that I don't feel attracted to people often, and I've only been in love for 3 times in my life now. The last time was 7 years ago... so it might be the same time until I like someone again and then it might not work out, and then I'll be 30 and ...