"You killed the mood by asking."

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Yea, I believe so.

I think I'm in the "60% category". I would never ask about these things, and would prefer that a gf wouldn't either. Also, with somebody neurodiverse it's easy to see if they want to do it or not, and NTs doesn't interest me. With hugs and non-french-kissing I can easily take such initiatives, but with sex I'll never initiate (that's because I'm asexual).

No. Just no. I would absolutely have to have that conversation in advance AT THE VERY LEAST - something to ASCERTAIN that such a move in the future would be welcome. Advance conversation on the matter can keep the spontaneity while still ascertaining consent. But to just kiss, no conversation about the matter in advance? If it came from a woman I'd like it, but it would be so awkward as not to be worth it unless she IMMEDIATELY opens up honest conversation about the kiss (and more.) From a man, I would honest to god feel ASSAULTED almost no matter what the circumstances, and that would AT LEAST earn him a restraining order.

I'm living proof of touch sensitivity, largely because I am very straight and tend to sexualize touch, so I really don't like it from men. If they want hugs I can give them hugs, but that's it. The primary problem with women just going for it is that I like it "too much" and it's incredibly awkward - I don't know how to respond!

I'm a straight guy.

A restraining order.....for KISSING? That's going a bit overboard

If he doesn't stop, just tell him that you don't tolerate this type of stuff.

Usually, she will give you very obvious signs, but if you are the worst man at reading body language then just lean slowly toward her, if she closes her eyes and pouts her lips then it's positive; if she leans back or/and turns her lips away then it's negative.

Well I don't think you would need "special body language reading" education to interpret what that means, no matter how aspie you may be.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 04 Nov 2015, 4:20 am, edited 1 time in total.

It sounds to me like she does want you to touch her, but without asking, next time.

But, I think this is where you need to stop and think about what you are getting into and if you can personally handle it. This is pretty standard for dating. I've heard it a lot. But, I personally need the full understanding of what I can and cannot do. I think a lot of the standards for dating are pretty unreasonable, but I'm also aware that many disagree with me. I can't handle making a move on someone, being rejected, then trying again. It feels like a game to me.. One that makes me pretty uncomfortable, and makes me feel like everything I am doing is wrong... So yes, I need to have a conversation about what's okay and what isn't before I even try.

My suggestion is that you try explaining how you feel about it, and what you personally need for yourself, without crossing any of her boundaries, of course. If she isn't willing to work with you, and show you some understanding, too, you might want to take some time to reconsider.

I'm not saying you should immediately give up... Just something to think about.

I don't want any types of conversations in the beginning of a relationship, and certainly not about "can I do this?", "are we together?" or alike. At that point I assume I can read her intentions and desires well enough because she is neurodiverse, and if that is not the case and she is NT, then we will never get to this point at all.



Consent is a crappy concept that is only usable in one-night-stands and similar contexts. You don't ask about consent in a serious relationship. Being in a serious relationship implies you can read your partner well enough, otherwise you should not be with her at all.



I disagree. A partner once initiated french kissing with me (and I didn't like it), but I didn't think she needed to verbally explain why she did that. That's a given. It's a sign of affection.



Touch sensitivity doesn't have much to do with it. That only means you should avoid light touch. You can contribute to that outcome (nonverbally) by responding with firm touch.

That's right. Also, if you cannot interpret that basic signal from your partner (whatever it looks like), then you aren't compatible enough for a long-term relationship. Trying to compensate for that with verbal consent will not solve the issue in a reasonable way.

Yes, it is a standard female expectation from men, heard it from women's mouths countless of times.

For the female voices who are promoting here the "must always ask" thing, (especially the ones who attacked Alex who suggested a very realistic approach)- you are not being down to earth, you obviously never dated women before, and you obviously don't interact with other women much in your life (from the women's thread, it is very obvious that many aspie females don't befriend nor click with other women much). Stop thinking that your opinions represent how most women think, they don't - not even close.
Go to the outside world (other than your online feminist forum/feminist facebook pages), and interact more with the women out there, you will be very surprised.

You know, it actually depends on your lady. Even though I believe most women would never want to be asked before being kissed, there possibly are women with that same trait as you,OP.

But in this case, as being quoted, she asked you to "make a move"- What does her comment mean? It does mean that she likes you! You don't need to worry about possible negative outcome even when you misread her body language. She couldn't stop her from liking you by those little things. Her boundary is broken by the name of "love". In this case the worst thing you can do is to keep respecting her boundary which possibly doesn't exist or is permitted to be ignored.. I hope you to respect her wishes..

The woman's expectations are extreme and unreasonable - but has nothing to do with feminism.

I'm not sure what the issue is now. It sounds pretty obvious that she is ok with you kissing her based on what she told you. She told you to make a move. If you've been given the go-ahead you don't need to insist on asking her everytime beforehand. If she stops being ok with you kissing her she'll make that clear.

It would be nice if some beautiful lady told me to "kiss me, you fool!"

I wouldn't, because I wouldn't want to be called a fool. I can't stand kissing on television because it seems like they're eating each other's faces. Blehk!

I understand your viewpoint on that.

But a man who really likes women would be spurred on by that "demand" LOL

She doesn't think the guy is really a fool. She's only saying that she really desires the man.

I AM ABSOLUTELY SICK AND TIRED OF BEING TOLD THIS ***ON WRONG PLANET OF ALL PLACES.***

This is EXACTLY THE ABLEISM I COME HERE TO ESCAPE.

DON'T YOU DARE TELL ANYONE ON WRONG PLANET, EVER, THAT ANY BODY LANGUAGE SHOULD BE "OBVIOUS." Nor tone of voice, nor any "social rules." Those are, by definition, what people on the autism spectrum struggle with.

And what happens if a woman on the spectrum inadvertently gives these sort of "signals" and is kissed - and honestly feels the way I would if a man kissed me without permission?

The Neurotypical Dating Rules are BS, creepy and rapey. They systematically chip away at consent until people feel ALL KINDS OF OBLIGATION TO SEXUAL ACTIVITY, up to and including intercourse.