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Do you find NT girls confusing

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nurseangela
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29 Nov 2015, 11:10 pm

nurseangela wrote:
SilverStar wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
I think Aspie men are confusing. My Aspie friend of almost two years has now not said anything to me for two months. I've sent emails and texts with some having questions because I thought that maybe he's not answering because he doesn't think they need to be answered unless there's a question. I even asked if I said something wrong and still no answer. I don't know if he's alive or dead or if he plans on never answering me and just wants me to go away. I thought after two years a friendship would be solid, but nope. I don't know whether to keep trying or not. He really meant a lot to me. That's annoying.


Many Aspies have trouble maintaining relationships. Sometimes they "wander off", or get fixated on other things, and they pretty much forget to check in with their friends and loved ones.


Well that's hurtful and I'm tired of crying. I can't keep wondering what's going on. Eventually I have to move on, I'm just not ready yet. I really cared about him. :cry:


And I don't understand how someone can "forget" to respond when they receive several emails and texts from a person. I don't get that.


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30 Nov 2015, 12:02 am

nurseangela wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
SilverStar wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
I think Aspie men are confusing. My Aspie friend of almost two years has now not said anything to me for two months. I've sent emails and texts with some having questions because I thought that maybe he's not answering because he doesn't think they need to be answered unless there's a question. I even asked if I said something wrong and still no answer. I don't know if he's alive or dead or if he plans on never answering me and just wants me to go away. I thought after two years a friendship would be solid, but nope. I don't know whether to keep trying or not. He really meant a lot to me. That's annoying.


Many Aspies have trouble maintaining relationships. Sometimes they "wander off", or get fixated on other things, and they pretty much forget to check in with their friends and loved ones.


Well that's hurtful and I'm tired of crying. I can't keep wondering what's going on. Eventually I have to move on, I'm just not ready yet. I really cared about him. :cry:


And I don't understand how someone can "forget" to respond when they receive several emails and texts from a person. I don't get that.


Well, for me personally, people have gotten mad at me before, because I don't answer messages on my phone. Very rarely does people ever call or text me, so I just turn it off, unless I need to use it. It might be something like this, or it could be something else.



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30 Nov 2015, 12:57 am

Agree with Silverstar and have personally done it myself.

It's no hard feelings on the person, and not trying to ignore them, interest is just suddenly lost in maintaining a social connection with them, especially online friends.

I can't describe why I do it/how I have to feel before I do, but all I know is it just happens and at any sudden moment we may just drop-off the map.

The only friend's I have kept absolute contact with are the greatest of friends and one's I still often or semi-regularly see in real-life.



nurseangela
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30 Nov 2015, 1:10 am

Well if he's lost interest then the friendship is them null and void and I need to move on. If someone "loses enterest" as you say then the friendship was really never that important in the first place which even hurts more. I have to have some kind of closure.


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rdos
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30 Nov 2015, 3:08 am

nurseangela wrote:
Well if he's lost interest then the friendship is them null and void and I need to move on. If someone "loses enterest" as you say then the friendship was really never that important in the first place which even hurts more. I have to have some kind of closure.


Well, for me, friendships aren't that important, and I usually don't maintain them unless I have some reason to do so. With some of my friends (mostly other Aspies), I just message when I have something on my mind, and that can mean everything from several messages per day to once a month or even less. Those friendships are not dead, they are just "aspie-style".

So what exactly did you message him? Unless it was something that triggered his interest, he might just have ignored it because he couldn't come up with an interesting response. And that's even if it contained questions.



nurseangela
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30 Nov 2015, 3:37 am

rdos wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
Well if he's lost interest then the friendship is them null and void and I need to move on. If someone "loses enterest" as you say then the friendship was really never that important in the first place which even hurts more. I have to have some kind of closure.


Well, for me, friendships aren't that important, and I usually don't maintain them unless I have some reason to do so. With some of my friends (mostly other Aspies), I just message when I have something on my mind, and that can mean everything from several messages per day to once a month or even less. Those friendships are not dead, they are just "aspie-style".

So what exactly did you message him? Unless it was something that triggered his interest, he might just have ignored it because he couldn't come up with an interesting response. And that's even if it contained questions.


I said I haven't heard from him in 2 months and if I had said anything wrong. Straight forward and to the point. I care for him very much, but he's not showing that he cares or he would at least answer me out of the 15 texts and emails that I've sent. The next text is going to say "Bye".


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rdos
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30 Nov 2015, 5:21 am

nurseangela wrote:
I said I haven't heard from him in 2 months and if I had said anything wrong. Straight forward and to the point.


I now you said that, but we cannot determine if you did something wrong unless you tell us what you wrote to him.

nurseangela wrote:
I care for him very much, but he's not showing that he cares or he would at least answer me out of the 15 texts and emails that I've sent. The next text is going to say "Bye".


But if he only considers you his friend, then he might not answer irrelevant messages. :roll:

Do you only know him online, or do you also talk IRL? In the latter case it would be better to contact him IRL.



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30 Nov 2015, 5:29 am

nurseangela wrote:
rdos wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
Well if he's lost interest then the friendship is them null and void and I need to move on. If someone "loses enterest" as you say then the friendship was really never that important in the first place which even hurts more. I have to have some kind of closure.


Well, for me, friendships aren't that important, and I usually don't maintain them unless I have some reason to do so. With some of my friends (mostly other Aspies), I just message when I have something on my mind, and that can mean everything from several messages per day to once a month or even less. Those friendships are not dead, they are just "aspie-style".

So what exactly did you message him? Unless it was something that triggered his interest, he might just have ignored it because he couldn't come up with an interesting response. And that's even if it contained questions.


I said I haven't heard from him in 2 months and if I had said anything wrong. Straight forward and to the point. I care for him very much, but he's not showing that he cares or he would at least answer me out of the 15 texts and emails that I've sent. The next text is going to say "Bye".

It sounds like he's being avoidant of you (I get avoidant of people if it'd take a lot more effort to respond than I feel like I can give ~ this feeling can last a long time if I'm particularly drained). Saying something along the lines of "If you don't respond to this then it's goodbye forever" might get him to respond if he indeed does still want you in his life at some point.


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nurseangela
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30 Nov 2015, 6:29 am

NerdyAnimeGirl wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
rdos wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
Well if he's lost interest then the friendship is them null and void and I need to move on. If someone "loses enterest" as you say then the friendship was really never that important in the first place which even hurts more. I have to have some kind of closure.


Well, for me, friendships aren't that important, and I usually don't maintain them unless I have some reason to do so. With some of my friends (mostly other Aspies), I just message when I have something on my mind, and that can mean everything from several messages per day to once a month or even less. Those friendships are not dead, they are just "aspie-style".

So what exactly did you message him? Unless it was something that triggered his interest, he might just have ignored it because he couldn't come up with an interesting response. And that's even if it contained questions.


I said I haven't heard from him in 2 months and if I had said anything wrong. Straight forward and to the point. I care for him very much, but he's not showing that he cares or he would at least answer me out of the 15 texts and emails that I've sent. The next text is going to say "Bye".

It sounds like he's being avoidant of you (I get avoidant of people if it'd take a lot more effort to respond than I feel like I can give ~ this feeling can last a long time if I'm particularly drained). Saying something along the lines of "If you don't respond to this then it's goodbye forever" might get him to respond if he indeed does still want you in his life at some point.


I'm afraid if I said that then he'd feel like he's being forced to reply and not like that so he definitely wouldn't reply and actually be mad about it. It's probably going to end like my other Aspie friendship where he never answers and then I stop saying anything too. After too long neither person feels comfortable saying anything.


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NerdyAnimeGirl
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30 Nov 2015, 6:38 am

Hmm, true.
In that case maybe a simple "Bye" will suffice.
If he doesn't respond then that's it I guess.


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30 Nov 2015, 3:32 pm

SilverStar wrote:
Well, for me personally, people have gotten mad at me before, because I don't answer messages on my phone. Very rarely does people ever call or text me, so I just turn it off, unless I need to use it. It might be something like this, or it could be something else.


i do this :)

my parents have gotten more than irritated with me because of it, telling them i can't be expected to have it on, and ready to talk, all the time. i get tons and TONS of texts/calls from wrong numbers so i'm accustomed to ignoring some calls. (they think i'm "gillian"!)

nurseangela i second the suggestion that you could go talk to him face to face, if possible. :)


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nurseangela
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30 Nov 2015, 8:33 pm

I said goodbye to my Aspie friend. :cry:


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30 Nov 2015, 8:51 pm

I feel bad that it had to come to this.

It's probably a good idea, though.

I hope you find somebody else more your speed soon.

I've experienced, many times, people doing things that don't make sense.

I fell for a girl once. I was 21. She was a college student. We talked and talked about everything. Then, all of a sudden, she stopped talking to me. I never knew why.

Another time, also when I was 21, this girl literally followed me home from work so she could have sex with me. After our second encounter, she just stopped being interested in me.

This is life, unfortunately.



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30 Nov 2015, 8:54 pm

It's not just Apies who do that. My girlfriend had an good online NT friend ghost her. She heard from him after a few years & he said that he didn't consider online friends real friends. She still communicates with him but they only message each other very occasionally.


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30 Nov 2015, 8:57 pm

Yes. I often don't talk to neurotypical girls for long periods of time, but I observe from afar and I am simply puzzled by their complicated body language and facial expressions.


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01 Dec 2015, 2:59 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Another time, also when I was 21, this girl literally followed me home from work so she could have sex with me. After our second encounter, she just stopped being interested in me.

This is life, unfortunately.


Sounds like she might have had some mental/emotional issues, and maybe a strong desire for sex. ;)