Feeling this way because a lack of confidence?

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Joined: 25 Mar 2011
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08 Dec 2015, 9:03 pm

I use to have those thoughts and much harsher ones. I hated myself and believed it impossible that another human being could possibly like me or love me (including my parents). I no longer have those thoughts but the low self esteem is still there. It shows itself in my actions. I refuse to even try to approach attractive women and push attractive women away who show interest in me. I don't believe I deserve to be loved by an attractive desirable woman. I have self esteem and self love in other areas of my life but not when it comes to romance.

em_tsuj
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08 Dec 2015, 9:15 pm

For what it's worth (probably not much), I am a smart, likable, Aspie-type guy with a history of pushing women away or being mean to them. It's because of my low-esteem. It feels too uncomfortable when good things happen romantically.

dobyfm
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11 Dec 2015, 8:23 pm

Malaise wrote:

Yep, I can relate. I hear of a lot of people who feel that way, actually. I think avoidance is a way to try to stave off the pain of rejection by leaving before people get attached, but that's self-sabotage. We don't always know what other people see in us, or what they'd think of who we are on a deeper level early on. It's best to let others decide whether or not they think you're a match instead of pushing them away before they can even say yes or no.

It can seem like people have nothing in common and no reason to be together, but that's hard to know sometimes, too. I have a friend who has a lot of anxiety issues and faced a lot of bullying growing up, and it still bothers him. He always seems so upbeat most days that sometimes I forget what he's still going through. He has his own reasons for wanting to be around the friends he has, and that's because he gets it and he likes people for who they are past the flaws.

There are a lot of good people still out there if you give them a fair chance.

This is very good. Thank you. It is good to see where it goes before suddenly letting it go.

dobyfm
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11 Dec 2015, 8:27 pm

em_tsuj wrote:

You are similar to me. I feel the only people in my life who will truly love me are my parents, sister, cousin, and grandma. When it comes to romance, I begin self doubting and doing things to avoid the guy, even if I really like him.

Nist498
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11 Dec 2015, 9:09 pm

I have this problem to and it's a right pain in the arse. I have a hard time flirting with girls and holding decent conversations because of the self doubt and anxiety. The funny thing is I have this odd feeling in the back of my head that I could actually be good at it if I really tried.

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dobyfm
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13 Dec 2015, 3:55 pm

Nist498 wrote:

But if a female gives you her number or asks you out then you may not have many worries.

Kyle Katarn
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13 Dec 2015, 4:13 pm

I once had confidence in myself and asked several girls out. They were all disgusted and rejected me.

Nist498
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13 Dec 2015, 7:21 pm

dobyfm wrote:

Nist498 wrote:

But if a female gives you her number or asks you out then you may not have many worries.

That's the thing though, I've never really been able to get a date so far. It doesn't help that mentally I'm about 10 - 15 years younger than my physical age and tend toward that age range (And frankly most of the women I've met that have been around my age tend to be the obsessive fundie Christians that won't accept me as an agnostic). I'm not even sure how to tell if a woman is interested vs being polite.

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dobyfm
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14 Dec 2015, 7:48 am

Nist498 wrote:

Have you ever had a woman show some form of interest in you? As in, as I wrote above, gives you her number, calls or texts you, or wants to spend time with you?

Nist498
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14 Dec 2015, 3:02 pm

dobyfm wrote:

Have you ever had a woman show some form of interest in you? As in, as I wrote above, gives you her number, calls or texts you, or wants to spend time with you?

Only once. A woman who used to work in the same company and I seemed to have some chemistry, but she refused to date me because I wasn't Christian. It wasn't just some BS excuse from her either as she was pretty big into Christianity. Now she's moved off to California. As I said a lot of the problem comes down to the fact that the potential pool for me is so small here in Arkansas. There may be ASD people I could get with, but finding them has proven to be very difficult. There aren't many groups for my particular interests and the ones that do exist don't have much in the way of female involvement.

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