"I just didn't see you that way"

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Oh good gosh.

In my observations the majority of guys who lament that they can't get a girlfriend due to not being attractive, are guys that only go after more attractive gals. There is another thread on here where a member posted a photo of a gal online who shot him down, and the gal in the photo is absolutely beautiful, cute and sexy. She is more attractive than most women are. So it's obvious that he is going after the most attractive women he is seeing, which molds his experiences. Guys in that self-created situation don't allow themselves to experience reactions from your very average gals. They basically approach the situation like, "Hello woman who probably gets hundreds of men per week on here trying to court you, please pick me, and if you don't, I will conclude that dating is just impossible and all women are just like you."

The reality is that most people find it much easier to bond with people with whom they can genuinely, more deeply empathize through personal experience. Not only is this why personality and shared experiences/interests DO matter a lot, but it also means that most average to homely looking women are going to be able to perceive and appreciate the aesthetic appeal of average to homely looking men. It's comfortable, and comfort plays a huge role in a woman's ability to enjoy sex. Not feeling "good enough" or feeling self-conscious will kill a woman's libido faster than a tranquilizer dart. Men who are also average to homely often bring an automatic comfort level for an average to homely looking woman, and that comfort level is exceptionally valuable and often allows a gal to form a deeper attraction to you in time.

Often the trick is figuring out your subset preferences, in order to still go for women you find attractive, but not women for whom you will have a ton of competition. Think about features like eyes, smile, shape, demeanor, voice, etc. Think about little things you might like, such as freckles, glasses, etc. Allow yourself to really observe the variety in humanity and get a feel for your little preferences. Don't try to force things to work with someone you don't find attractive at all, but also don't wait until you're caught off-guard by a bombshell and only respond to a strong reaction like that. Go for the middle ground.

Instead of hyper-focusing on a gal who seems just perfect to you, try an exercise like picking out 5-10 women you know of who you think are "cute" and try testing the waters with any of them who are single.

Many women are highly intuitive and will be able to detect if you are far more focused on their looks than their personality, and their likely response is to return the favor, focusing on your looks far more than your personality. But if you practice building up attraction with a merely "cute" gal by appreciating her personality, she will likely pick up on that and mirror you, focusing on your personality, as well. I guarantee you that the hottie pictured in that other thread knew immediately that she was only being messaged because she was hot and for no other reason, so she is likely inclined to assess her suitors in the same manner. Why shouldn't she?

You should also know that there is a very wide variety of tastes in men among women. The big thing to keep in mind is that most women are able to tell very easily if you are mostly or exclusively interested in their looks as opposed to their personality. And if a woman is able to sense that the interest is shallow, then there isn't any potential for anything deeper there in the first place. And when that it is the case, if it's all going to be shallow anyway, then she may as well at least enjoy the shallow experience by going with the most attractive guy she can get, according to her personal tastes. This can give the illusion that you have to be very attractive to get a girlfriend, but in reality it is the shallow premise that often leads to that. For most women, if they perceive that there is actually a possible deeper connection to be had, they will consider it.

It would be nice if we can just "shut off" sexual attraction, and the desire for companionship.

95% of women are really pretty the other 5% I have no attraction to. So given that it pretty much eliminates all women for me. I don't seem to have the ability to define the 95% into sub categories like most people do, cute, good looking, average , gorgeous. To me they'll all gorgeous and therefore out of my league.

people who are not gorgeous on the outside still need love also.

Not the men, they'll worthless and only good as servants as long as they don't think they'll anything but worthless trash not worthy of human kindness.

Not the men, they'll worthless and only good as servants as long as they don't think they'll anything but worthless trash not worthy of human kindness.

I've met sooo many women who are far more heartless, aggressive and violent than I could ever be. I'm a softie. I hate violence and aggression. I think you may be young! Perhaps to make such a sweeping generalization and have not experienced enough of life to make such a judgment call. Or perhaps you've just met the wrong men. Who's that up to?

And auntblabby, you are right. We all need love!

(Good to hear from you again, bye the way auntblabby)

sly is a guy talking about his own feelings of lack of worth.

I would like to return to the original topic. There are things you can do. You stated that you are unattractive. At your age, join a gym, get a personal trainer, eat properly and exercise daily.

A stronger healthier body will give you more confidence. You might meet some nice ladies at the gym. Find an activity that puts you in contact with nice ladies. Dates are very stressful, a common activity is less.

We have a common problem. I am slow at picking up clues. Usually, the opportunity is long gone by the time I see it. Can not help you with that one.

My all time favorite breakup line is "It's not you, it's me". No, it's me, please explain?

I know he's a guy!

Well then he needs to sort that out. And who's to say he's not gay or bi and has been treated wrongly by other males.

My point stands. Not all males are bstrds and we get a bad enough rap as it is - and I for one don't deserve it. There are good and bad in all.