Aspie/Neurotypical relationships

Page 2 of 4 [ 49 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4  Next

ZD
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Oct 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 589
Location: Manchester, England

05 Jan 2016, 11:33 am

How do they work? Pretty much like any relationship.

Are they really possible? Yes.

One thing on the top 2 communication is important on things that would stress / cause misunderstandings but any relationship has the getting to know each other phase. You just might need a discussion early to prevent misunderstandings. At the end of the day you know what keeps you happy let them know these things.

For anyone that's in a relationship like this could you tell me how it's like?

May have just split up with my partner she was NT but it worked for many years. And for me it was what I needed she taught me a lot on how to be with people and socialise, not that's what a partner is for it just happened.

Is it hard to maintain

Any relationship needs maintenance but its understanding what each other needs and remembering to fulfil them.

Not talking there sex but its probably one of them, I know one female member on here has no desire for it but does it as its a need of her husbands. Its all about compromise sometimes.

and are there very often clashes and misunderstanding?

I broke up with my wife many times in the first few years due to misunderstandings on both sides and me having major anxiety of new situations did not help in the slightest (got that under control now). When she realised not to do certain things then all went fine. But she is a very laid back person not sure all NT would be the same.

Ultimately my relationship failed, but it was after a long time and I think she will run a mile from a aspie in the future :S

But to sum up don't worry about it a NT + ND relationship can work fine. I have no clue on ND + ND but I think they do.


_________________
( If I ignore a reply it's not intentional I get distracted, send me a PM to prompt me :) )


nurseangela
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Nov 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,017
Location: Kansas

05 Jan 2016, 2:38 pm

ZD wrote:
How do they work? Pretty much like any relationship.

Are they really possible? Yes.

One thing on the top 2 communication is important on things that would stress / cause misunderstandings but any relationship has the getting to know each other phase. You just might need a discussion early to prevent misunderstandings. At the end of the day you know what keeps you happy let them know these things.

For anyone that's in a relationship like this could you tell me how it's like?

May have just split up with my partner she was NT but it worked for many years. And for me it was what I needed she taught me a lot on how to be with people and socialise, not that's what a partner is for it just happened.

Is it hard to maintain

Any relationship needs maintenance but its understanding what each other needs and remembering to fulfil them.

Not talking there sex but its probably one of them, I know one female member on here has no desire for it but does it as its a need of her husbands. Its all about compromise sometimes.

and are there very often clashes and misunderstanding?

I broke up with my wife many times in the first few years due to misunderstandings on both sides and me having major anxiety of new situations did not help in the slightest (got that under control now). When she realised not to do certain things then all went fine. But she is a very laid back person not sure all NT would be the same.

Ultimately my relationship failed, but it was after a long time and I think she will run a mile from a aspie in the future :S

But to sum up don't worry about it a NT + ND relationship can work fine. I have no clue on ND + ND but I think they do.


An NT / Aspie relationship can work fine, but yours didn't? Can you explain this statement because I'm confused. From what I've read and my own experience, relationships with NT women and Aspie men fail more than Aspie women and NT men and I believe it's because of the lack of empathy.


_________________
Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.


Kuraudo777
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Sep 2015
Posts: 14,743
Location: Seventh Heaven

05 Jan 2016, 2:39 pm

What do you mean by 'lack of empathy'? Everyone has different empathy.


_________________
Quote:
A memory is something that has to be consciously recalled, right? That's why sometimes it can be mistaken and a different thing. But it's different from a memory locked deep within your heart. Words aren't the only way to tell someone how you feel.” Tifa Lockheart, Final Fantasy VII


nurseangela
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Nov 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,017
Location: Kansas

05 Jan 2016, 2:52 pm

Kuraudo777 wrote:
What do you mean by 'lack of empathy'? Everyone has different empathy.


I have witnessed a lack of empathy from all three of my male Aspie friendships. I know that most Aspies believe they have empathy, but I don't think they are able to "show" it in a way that an NT would understand. Two examples are that my one friend Aspie showed a non - caring attitude when I had to go to the ER from having trouble breathing. The words he used were "keep me posted on what happens". I was talking to my other Aspie friend and telling him that my dad was very sick and in the hospital and he said "Everyone has to die sometime." If I didn't know they were Aspie, I would have cut the friendships off immediately. My dad has also said stuff like that - it's a "logical" way of thinking, but it's very upsetting to an NT.


_________________
Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.


Scaevitas
Raven
Raven

Joined: 27 Mar 2015
Posts: 119

05 Jan 2016, 2:59 pm

Holy f**k, if someone said "everyone has to die" to me about my mother or father, I'd stab them in the jaw with a squirrel.



Peacesells
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Sep 2014
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,915
Location: Anzio, Italy

05 Jan 2016, 3:11 pm

But female Aspegerians say such things too, it's not that since they are women they don't have Asperger's.
Also maybe your friends were somewhat douchy too.



sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,181
Location: US

05 Jan 2016, 3:35 pm

I don't react to those situations like that.



nurseangela
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Nov 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,017
Location: Kansas

05 Jan 2016, 4:03 pm

I'm only going by the experiences I've had with the 3 Aspie guy friends I've had that I conversed long enough with to witness their "empathy" side. I have other Aspie guys from AC that I still talk to and I haven't seen this way of talking with them - although, I'm not as close to them as I am or was with the first three Aspies. I understand that everyone is different. There are also several threads on AC from NT women trying to get answers to their relationships with Aspie men and the main problems are communication and also not feeling a "closeness" or feeling a lack of importance with their Aspie guy. The lack of empathy or closeness to me feels similar to the feeling one gets when your in a room with a bunch of people and you still feel alone. It's like that with my dad - you have a conversation with him, but there's no "connection" there. It's hard to explain.


_________________
Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.


sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,181
Location: US

05 Jan 2016, 4:15 pm

Some people just don't care , I've seen nt people say oh well everyone dies bunch of times.

I have a friend who doesn't understand why I get sad after hearing something bad happen to him.

I can't watch the news or shows about murder because it makes me too sad and mad.



Yigeren
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Dec 2015
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,606
Location: United States

05 Jan 2016, 4:19 pm

Scaevitas wrote:
Holy f**k, if someone said "everyone has to die" to me about my mother or father, I'd stab them in the jaw with a squirrel.


That would be interesting to see. Would it be a frozen squirrel?



Peacesells
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Sep 2014
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,915
Location: Anzio, Italy

05 Jan 2016, 4:22 pm

sly279 wrote:
Some people just don't care , I've seen nt people say oh well everyone dies bunch of times.

Sly is right!



Yigeren
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Dec 2015
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,606
Location: United States

05 Jan 2016, 4:24 pm

The only type of cold or empty feeling I get when around people is from those that are likely sociopaths. And very insincere people. The one person I met who was definitely an Aspie wasn't cold, but instead awkward and clueless. I don't think he even knew he was an Aspie. He was kind of a jerk, actually.

I have family members that I suspect are Aspies. They may seem cold to others but I know that they aren't actually that way. I don't know how I seem to others.



nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,184
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA

06 Jan 2016, 2:57 am

I think those relationships can work out if they have a similar relationship personality & are both willing to put forth effort into communication.

I'm actually an Aspie who loves being close & affectionate with his partner & is kind of clingy & needy within a relationship. My 1st girlfriend was NT but she did have dyslexia, ADD & alittle OCD. We were long distance. The reason we didn't work out is because she had a history of doing drugs & my OCD caused me to believe things were going on that weren't. I had anxiety attacks & got controlling as a result. My 2nd girlfriend was an Aspie. My anxiety & OCD did cause some problems within the relationship but I started a med for anxiety & things gradually started getting better. She broke up with me 1ce the limerence phase wore off. She wanted a lot of independence & thought she was better off without a relationship with anyone. My current girlfriend is on the spectrum but she has some emotional issues which cause her to be kind of needy within a relationship & I like providing emotional support. I think I could of made a relationship work with another NT if an NT would of given me a chance & tried to make a relationship work with me.


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


ZD
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Oct 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 589
Location: Manchester, England

06 Jan 2016, 3:07 am

Kuraudo777 wrote:
What do you mean by 'lack of empathy'? Everyone has different empathy.


I only started to feel/understand empathy in the last few years and that's only because I had kids and I still only feel it with them.


_________________
( If I ignore a reply it's not intentional I get distracted, send me a PM to prompt me :) )


Reflectie
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 5 Jan 2016
Posts: 35
Location: Europe

06 Jan 2016, 3:08 am

curiouscat1993 wrote:
How do they work?

They work?

They never worked for me, these days I probably won't even bother when the "potential other half" isn't autistic and frankly, at the moment I'm done with intimate relationships.



ZD
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Oct 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 589
Location: Manchester, England

06 Jan 2016, 3:20 am

nurseangela wrote:
An NT / Aspie relationship can work fine, but yours didn't? Can you explain this statement because I'm confused.


Yes, but it worked for 17 years.

nurseangela wrote:
From what I've read and my own experience, relationships with NT women and Aspie men fail more than Aspie women and NT men and I believe it's because of the lack of empathy.


Quite possibly, that would sort of make sense. Took a long time for me to realise about empathy I stopped saying "why should I care?" just try to avoid the situation now :roll:

A good example of one I avoid is when you see an advert for starving children in x country. My reaction is not to send food so the population will stabilise to the amount the land can sustain sending food just promotes population growth. Now I know I should be feeling sorry for the starving children and the parents seeing their child starve to death but it just won't happen.


_________________
( If I ignore a reply it's not intentional I get distracted, send me a PM to prompt me :) )