Are they getting married?

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"Can't" or "won't"?

They're happy together. Leave them alone.

Your worldview is that a date is as good as a walk down the aisle. That is how you see the world. It is not the only view, and I doubt it is all that common.

Your friend may have the same worldview. I don't know where you are, or what social and cultural norms and expectations have formed your and his ideas. But, I am going to assume your friend does not share your belief that a date is the same as a walk down the aisle.

So, my guess is your friend likes this woman. He is drawn to her, attracted to her. And she is to him, as has happened since time immemorial. As such, I am going to assume they are dating to see if this attraction could lead to something significant, but that neither is thinking of getting married yet. That they are 'married', or as good as, is your projection on what's going on. It is the lens through which you see their behaviour.

'Unrequited love' has a much grander feel to it than 'friendzone', and has a historical through line - what you're experiencing is nothing new. I've been there. Many here will also have. You have my sympathies.

How you carry on with your life, and particularly with your friendship with this man, is another matter. I would suggest you follow his lead in how he behaves to you. He is your closest friend, and you have romantic feelings for him which, from what you've said, are not reciprocated. That's a hard situation to negotiate. Social media makes it all the more so - it makes it very easy to fixate on someone, and that won't do you any good.

Do you have any other friends you are close to? My advice would be to find ways to fill up your time, and to try and have the will to not look at his Facebook etc. You'll only serve to make yourself miserable. If possible, lessen the time you spend with him.

You sound conflicted between wanting him as a romantic partner, and so not wanting other people to have him as a romantic partner, and caring about and wanting him as/for a friend, a situation where you want him to be happy.

For your sake and his, you will need to pick a side. If you want him for a romantic partner, but can't have him, it would be best to walk away. Such a situation would only see a sourness grow between you. If you can let go of the idea of him as a romantic partner, you should be able to carry on with the friendship. If you do nothing, I can only see that your frustration at not being his romantic partner will hurt you and the friendship.

The bottom line is: This lady really likes this guy.

And the guy is seeing another woman pretty seriously.

And she's not too thrilled with that.

I wish life wasn't like that--but it is. I experienced the same thing quite a few times.

It useless to go through sociological explanations and all that.

The only advice we could give: this lady should seek someone else, while cherishing the memory of her best friend, or perhaps even remaining best friends with him.

Eleanor Roosevelt had a "best friend" for each sex. The felt unrequited love for both of them. She maintained the friendships through it all. She desired them--and their responses were varied, but definitely not in terms of completely loving her back.

But she realized the futility of it, and decided to cherish them as best friends.

I'd rather stay single than date someone I can't commit to with all my heart and soul, but would have loved to experience the bond of a romantic relationship with someone. I had a horse in this race and wanted to play for the prize.

I'm still having trouble stomaching the idea of him spending his life with someone 10 years younger than him and 6 years younger than me. A coworker, no less.

I'll ask him about it so I can learn my boundaries and see if he's okay with hanging out.

So if he Facebook friended her family and does things like holiday dinners with them, and mutual friends friend her family, is that serious? Can breakups still happen when both families get involved like that?

Breakups can still happen at any stage of a relationship.

Keep in mind that outside efforts to force a breakup will only make their relationship stronger.

Better to forget about him and get on with your own life.

He just called her his girl in a tweet.

Yup, married. An eternal union.

The best way to move on can be to unfollow his tweets and unfollow his facebook feed. That way you're not fanning the flames of attachment. The more you see these things he posts, the more you feel hurt. It will take time, but eventually you'll move on.

It's time to focus on a hobby or learning a new skill. You never know you might meet someone new through this new hobby.

So? Give it up. Wish them well and move on. He was never meant for you, and it's way past time that you admitted it.

I emailed a counselor asking if I should ask him if they're committed, and she said I shouldn't ask him anything. What do you think about that? I want to acknowledge my boundaries in some way.

I still want to tell him how much I don't want to lose his friendship. He's the best friend I've ever had, and I don't want to cut him out of my life just because he took another woman as his ball-and-chain. The counselor DID say I should tell him how much I like our friendship.

When should I befriend the lady? I have a feeling I should if I want to stay his friend without looking creepy.

Tell him whatever you want. Tell her whatever you want. Tell the whole freaking world whatever you want.

Nothing will change. It's over. You've already lost him. Learn to deal with it.

It sounds like the OP is extremely close to becoming a stalker. I agree with Fnord and KraftieKortie. Move on, unless your next physical address ends up being the hoosegow.

I feel like that word is abused a lot today, stalking is not about watching someone's FB or Twitter page. But yes she should keep some distance from him maybe, there's the possibility that being close to him will make her suffer.

No matter how obsessed you are with this person, it won't change anything. They don't feel the same way about you, and they've made it quite clear. You have to move on.

My take on this is if they are engaged then leave it alone and only see him if he initiates it. If they get married then most likely your friendship will end which is probably for the best because it would be too hard seeing him with someone else and not you. If they are just dating then keep a distance and still do things with him because they could break up and you would again have a chance. If you try to make any moves when he's dating this person, he's not going to like it. Celebrating holidays and intermingling families does mean a relationship is pretty serious, but nothing is final really until they are married.

One movie this reminds me of that might make you feel like you're not alone in this kind of thing is "My Best Friends Wedding". It's the exact same scenario. Actually, if it had been me I would have married Julia Roberts - they were that great of friends.

I know I need to see that movie.





Would making friends with the lady so I'm friends with both of them be okay?